The Crush

Lathan Michael

I have always had a crush on Lathan Michael, along with every girl that has been to school with us. The reason is quite apparent, yet no one can put their finger on it.

Could it be his eyes? Those piercing blue eyes that mirror the color of the bluest ocean. He looks you in the eyes when he is talking to you—allowing you to know that you have his full attention. He winks at you when he is trying to communicate without words. His winks mean so many things. Such as acknowledging the same thing as you, saying hello, or letting you know he is joking. How can a person master the language of winking?

Could it be that he is tall with an athletic body? I remember when boys were shorter than girls. In the 3rd grade, I was taller than all the boys in my class, including Lathan.

By the 5th grade, all the boys started growing taller than the girls; however, Lathan, although then taller than I, was considered the shortest boy in the whole class. It didn’t affect him much because he was still the fastest and proven to be the strongest still. Lathan was and still is a natural athlete.

In the 6th and 7th grade, he still hadn’t grown taller, and besides being toned and very handsome, the girls didn’t pay much attention to him because he was the shortest guy.

However, that changed when we entered the 8th grade. No one had seen Lathan all summer because he went to a sports camp. When he arrived on the first day of school, everyone couldn’t help noticing the drastic change in height. Not only was he now 6’2 in height, but we also couldn’t help how cut his body was. His muscles bulged out of his shirt. His face lost all traces of baby fat and was replaced by a strong jaw and great cheekbones. He no longer looked like a boy but a man amongst boys. Even the high school girls giggled when he waved their way.

Could it be his personality? Lathan Michael wasn’t just a jock. He is an all-around good boy. He doesn’t have a mean bone in his body. Everywhere Lathan goes, everyone adores him for his good deeds around town, whether it’s the car wash that donates all of its money to the homeless or visiting the elderly on weekends. How could I not like him? He even volunteers at an animal shelter during school vacations. Lathan is even nice to the girls that follow him around the school. On Valentines Day, he gave each girl in his groupie group a flower.

Could it be his smile? His perfect, not a tooth out of place, all-white smile. That smile can make anyone swoon. He has a smile when he is trying to be polite. He gives a small smile when the attention is solely on him, wide when he is excited, or amongst true friends. I love how he bites his bottom lip when he tries not to smile but wants to. Or his smile when he gives a devilish grin when he’s up to something. My favorite smile is when he smiles at me. It is a sweet smile, a knowing smile, and it is only for me.

For years I had admired Lathan from afar, afraid of becoming one of his groupies. I don’t judge any girls for becoming one, but I always felt he and I could be more. I saw him when no one was looking. He is more simple than everyone is making him out to be. I know he doesn’t want to be their golden boy, just Lathan. And I yearn to be his safe space just to be himself.

***

The night of my outing with Jordan, Marcus, and Alex had drained me. I can not believe I am Alex’s friend. And all the stuff he said about wanting to impress me. What does that mean? Why does he care about what I think of him?

I laid in my bed, guilty, wondering how this may have looked to Lathan. I went on a double date, and Alex was my date. In retrospect, Lathan didn’t seem upset to see me there with Alex. Maybe he saw it for what it was, friends hanging out.

I also felt weird about the way it ended with Alex. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. He hugged me so tight. He looked me in the eyes. I remember seeing Alex standing on the sidewalk’s edge and watching me drive away. He watched me until I was out of sight. I knew this because I looked in the rare-view mirror as soon as I thought I was far enough. There on the corner, he stood watching me drive away.

As I lay in my bed feeling guilty, I felt like the only one who would understand would be Fortmann, except he is Lathan. I can’t talk to him about another guy. Times like this; I wish he weren’t Lathan but some random guy that could be my true friend. I am just so confused by the whole situation.

***

I dreaded Monday. I have been avoiding Jordan’s phone calls and text the whole weekend, and I knew I would have to face her come Monday. When did life get so complicated? Since when have I ever avoided my best friend? I did read some of her text messages before I completely muted her. She sounded pissed off at me. Jordan expressed anger at my interaction with Lathan like she doesn’t know I like him. She sounded as if she didn’t want to be my friend anymore.

I wanted to skip school, but it didn’t serve any purpose because I had to go the next day and face Jordan and Alex eventually. At least that was what my mom said when I told her I didn’t want to go to school today. She told me to be brave; whatever happens, it will get better. Sometimes I find it hard to believe my mom was ever a teenager.

As I walked to my locker, I saw Jordan with Marcus, but she turned her body away. She was beyond angry. She acted as if we weren’t best friends. I blamed myself as I hung my head low and walked past her in the halls. This was the first time I was happy we didn’t share any classes. I don’t think I could handle her ignoring me the whole day. If we had shared classes, everyone would ask why we weren’t sitting with each other.

I ignored her this weekend because I needed time alone to think. Jordan, who had always pushed me to make my feelings known to Lathan, had set up a date with Alex. All with the knowledge of how I felt about him. She knew I didn’t care much for Alex and conspired against me by making me think I was helping her. It made me wonder about all the times I saw them talking and laughing. Were they talking about me? Were they setting me up? I made it clear that Alex rubbed me the wrong way, and she disregarded my feelings. I couldn’t talk to her. I was confused and hurt, and lost. She had stuck her nose in something I wasn’t really to face for the moment. Is she mad at me? I am angry at her. Thank goodness we don’t have classes together.

After school, I decided to skip the extra curriculum activities and go home. “No clubs today?” A familiar and comforting voice called out to me as I walked out of the school. “Nah, I am not feeling up to it today.” “I noticed.” I turned to a smiling Lathan. “You look like you could do some cheering up,” Lathan said, holding out his hand. I smiled. “What do you have in mind?” Lathan placed his hand on his chin in a thinking motion. “Let’s go for a walk, and we can talk about what is going on with you.” I smiled and took his hand.

Lathan and I walked around the streets in our neighborhood, talking about everything and nothing at all. I didn’t tell him about Alex or the date. Nor did he ask what Jordan was mad at me about. It was good for me to talk without feeling judged or wrong about what was going through my mind. Lathan was the ear I needed. He was the friend that I needed. He was Fortmann.

Lathan holds the door for me as we head back to my car.

He smirks, “They said not to meet your crush, but they lied.”

I looked up shyly. Did Lathan admit that he has a crush on me? “Yeah,” I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.

“Yes, and I’m willing to fight for you.”

I get into my car as Lathan winks and walk away. What did he mean by willing to fight for me?