The Need To Be Free/The Pleasure’s All Mine

TDTH “Let’s Do This!” is J’Lynn Westley’s favorite saying, except today, she is trying hard to keep her motivation going, all the while trying to help her co-workers feel the same way. The morning shift starts at 7:00 am, and yet it’s already been rough and tiring. It’s not even 10:00 am, thought J’Lynn. It’s late August 2021 and today hasn’t been a particularly good day for the nurses in the ER at TDTH. “Is it a full moon? I thought today was Friday and not Monday,” she said with a smirk to her good friend as she leaned over the desk at the nurse’s station. Shayla didn’t say a word. She was sitting in her chair while deep in thought and continued staring at a piece of paper that she had scribbled some numbers down on after hanging up the desk phone. “Such is a day in the life of an ER trauma nurse,” J’Lynn nudged to initiate a reaction, but still nothing! J’Lynn’s eyebrows turned in with a frown and the corner of her mouth became pinched and turned upward. Things have been rough with her friend lately and J’Lynn has been worried about her well-being. Shayla Holden is a 37 y/o trauma nurse who J’Lynn sees as a very sweet, overly protective, single mother and who has become a very good friend. She spends most of her free time reading books and making sure her life revolves around her twin boys. With a somewhat ordinary-looking appearance, Shayla always pins her dusty-blonde hair up in a ponytail or a bun to keep it from falling in her face. J’Lynn always wondered why she refused to just cut it off since all she does is complain about it. There are so many cute fresh styles she would look good in, J’Lynn tells her. Directly above the right side of her lip is an oversized beauty mole, but no matter the size, it brings character to her face. Her cheekbones are thin and slightly sunken in but her pretty blue eyes are lovely and are the best of her features, yet she rarely wears makeup. Despite her ordinary appearance, to J’Lynn, her friend has a heart of gold. Being a single parent of fraternal twin boys, she has a lot on her mind. Her son Jordyn has been suffering from learning disabilities and from what J’Lynn understands, he has been diagnosed with severe ADHD. Shayla has been getting phone calls more frequently from his teacher and principal. She started scratching her middle finger to the tip of her thumb on her right hand. She does this whenever she is in heavy thought or terribly upset. She was staring at the phone, or shall we say, staring through it; metaphorically speaking. “TDTH” she also added just a little louder. All she could get out of her dear friend was “hmmm”, and a slight nod of her head. It was like she was in another world and earth was a million miles away. “Shayla are you alright…. Shayla?” “Huh?” she answered back. She quickly regained herself, shook off her stare from the see-through phone, and apologized. “I’m sorry Lynn, what?” The Detroit Trauma Hospital (TDTH) is an overwhelming, overpopulated, understaffed care facility in one of the most dangerous poverty-stricken cities in Michigan. However, TDTH has been known for having one of the best trauma teams in the state and both J’Lynn and Shayla were proud to be a part of the recognition. The hospital’s campus has its own police department. The campus holds not only the trauma hospital but other hospital buildings within a mile radius. Along with TDTH, there are others, such as Richmond Children’s Hospital, Detroit’s University Hospital, Susan R’s Women’s Center, The Detroit Health building for private physician offices, a Strongford Cancer Institute, and a Michigan University School of Medicine building for upcoming doctors. All the major hospitals within the campus are connected by an underground tunnel. With the crime in the area and the enormous size of the hospital campus grounds, it’s only necessary to have their own police department. J’Lynn loves being a nurse and helping others. However, the extremely fast pace and the adrenaline rush it provides all too much, has already worn on this young, vibrant 31 y/o registered nurse. She is excellent at what she does, and her expertise does not go unnoticed. There is a good reason why the nurse managers continually place her on the nursing schedule as ‘Charge Nurse’ for the day shift in Trauma Section B. This duty of the charge nurse in each section usually gets rotated for every shift unless J’Lynn is working that day. Just as J’Lynn was ready to answer her dumbfounded question, a loud annoying voice pummeled over the ER loudspeaker. It was a remarkably familiar voice and one with which she wishes she didn’t have to hear. It was a woman’s voice that seemed to always make her cringe with embarrassment. The woman’s voice makes her beg the HR-Gods to post the announcer’s position as ….. ‘AVAILABLE’ ATTENTION, MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION! CODE PINK, GUNSHOT WOUND, ETA 10 MINUTES…. ATTENTION, MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION! CODE PINK, GUNSHOT WOUND, ETA 10 MINUTES…. The announcer repeated her words in the unnerving voice again for the third time. Today, J’Lynn is the head nurse of Trauma section B, which is further broken down into 4 rooms. TB1 through TB4. Today, she has assigned herself and Shayla with another nurse to TB4. Each should have 3 nurses if staffing is good, which most of the time is not because of understaffing. Luckily, today J’Lynn has a full staff in her room and an excellent team of nurses. It was her team’s round with the next trauma, and they knew exactly what to do and how to do it. “Let’s Do This!” J’Lynn shouted and both she and Shayla rushed from the nurse’s station and ran into TB4 to make sure all items were where they needed to be, the room prepped, and all equipment was up and running and pumping properly for this poor child (code pink) that had been shot. The other nurse assigned there had joined them. The room of nurses was moving around like a well-oiled machine. When they had finished performing their assigned duties, the nurses could slow down their prepping and prepare for what was coming next. “Oh, my goodness!” Shayla cried out with a little quiver to her already nervous voice, “Not another one,” as she pressed her fingertips to both sides of her temples, little pinkies raised, as she closed her eyes. She pressed so hard that you could see the corner of her eyebrows raise to her forehead as if to stop her head from exploding. This only makes her want to cry every time she hears a child has been involved. Shayla is not as strong as her friend Lynn, and at times she wishes she could be. J’Lynn sighed heavily, slightly dropping both her head and her shoulders in despair. She then raised both her arms in agreement with Shayla as if to say, ‘I give up’… “What can you do? What is this world coming to?” as she shakes her head. “It’s a shame. I wonder what happened this time. Probably gang-related or some child started playing with their parent’s handgun…. You know, the usual stuff.” As Shayla nodded her head in agreement and placed a frown on her noticeably dry lips, “I only hope the poor baby will be alright,” she sighed. Nine minutes had passed when a team of doctors came from out of the woodworks as if they just turned up out of nowhere. Shayla had always wondered how they did that… No doctors around anywhere and then suddenly… “POOF!” Where were they all waiting? In the doctor’s lounge sipping coffee and eating donuts, watching the clock run down to that last minute, and then decide it’s time to do their magic act? This always amused her, but today she did not feel like being amused. Her mind was on this poor, helpless child, and his family. Her thoughts suddenly shifted to her twin boys. She let out a heavy sigh and looked back at Jay with again sadness in her eyes. The double glass doors to the outside ER entrance suddenly opened, followed by 2 paramedics pushing a gurney holding a small child upon it. J’Lynn assessed the child. There was blood everywhere… on the paramedics, all over the gurney, dripping down the sides, and all over the poor baby’s clothes! They all came running up to the stretcher to help and assist and show the way, all the while examining the child on how to proceed next in his care. One paramedic blurted out the boy’s predicament… “We have a 10-year-old boy, gunshot wound to the abdomen; pulse 50 bpm, blood pressure 83/60…...” As the boy was being wheeled into TB4, treatment on him never stopped. There were doctors shouting commands, nurses starting medications, and every single team member with a role to play. The tension and expertise in the room elevated… Not one medical personnel stopped with their aide in the child’s care. The young child’s shirt had been ripped down the middle to expose his little bony chest, and his gunshot wound was noticeably in his abdomen. As his wounds were being cared for and his condition was trying to be placed under control but deteriorating, the monitors hooked up to the child started to flatline…. Frantically, they all rushed and proceeded with CPR. The team was trying everything they had to save this sweet little innocent boy. On the other side of TB4, there is another set of doors that leads to scrub sinks solely meant for cleanup after a trauma. As the team started dwindling out for scrubbing, the nurses started taking care of the medications and typing on the computer behind all the mayhem that had just happened. A couple of minutes had passed when J’Lynn and Shayla had finally made their way to the scrub room. They both approached individual sinks, turned the water on so that it would be hot, swiped their hands under the dispenser that held the scrubbing soap, and started doing their cleanup ritual. Neither one of them wanted to start a conversation. They were both in deep thought and too exhausted. They felt a conversation was not warranted. After being in heavy thought and having clean hands and arms, J’Lynn grabbed a handful of paper towels and passed a couple to Shayla, who appeared to be trying to shake them dry instead. She took the towels from her and dried her wet hands while her eyes welled up with tears. She had tried her best not to develop tears in TB4 and somehow held them back, but standing alone with her good friend, she couldn’t hold it any longer. She seems very capable of handling many trauma patients, but when it came to children, Shayla found it very difficult to handle. One paramedic had stated to the team, while wheeling the gurney into the room, that the boy had been sitting on his front porch with his little brother playing with their remote-control cars when a black Escalade drove by and started a drive-by shooting on the house. Luckily, the other child was not hit. J’Lynn watched the tears roll down her cheek. “We did all that we could. There was nothing else that could have been done for him”, she assured her. “He was pretty much gone when he got here.” “I know,” she replied, “but he was so young and innocent. How could something like this happen?” Shayla lifted her head to look J’Lynn in her eyes, “And what about his parents? They are going to be devastated! My twins are around his age, Lynn. I would just give up if this would have been one of them.” J’Lynn let out a heavy sigh, “No, you wouldn’t, Shayla, you couldn’t. You have your other son that would need you and your love to help him through. I know it would be hard, but you would have to move on eventually and help his twin to get through it, just like this young boy’s parents will have to.” After Shayla dried her hands, she used the paper towel to wipe the tears from her eyes and cheeks. J’Lynn took a couple of steps closer, held out her arms, and gave her a big, warm, friendly hug. This made Shayla feel a little better, and she thought to herself how much she appreciated her friend of 3 years. As soon as they had met those few years ago, they hit it right off and knew they would be buddies. They stuck by each other like glue while at work. Every so often, they would go out to dinner together or take in a movie. There wasn’t anyone at the hospital who did not like J’Lynn Westley. Some were jealous of her beauty, but none disliked her for any other reasons. She had that magnetizing personality that was hard to resist and was a genuinely warm and caring person. She’s also a sensitive person and understands Shayla. Only J’Lynn handles the ER situation much better than Shayla does. Now, J’Lynn knows that she needs to be stronger than her friend. “Come on, let’s go. Let’s take our lunch break.” She encouraged her with an uplifting voice. Shayla glanced up at the clock on the wall, “But we aren’t due for lunch until 12:30 and it’s barely 11:40.” She blinked against tears and pulled the wet paper towels from under her red tired eyes. J’Lynn thought about how particular her friend is and how much she needs to relax. “Well, that’s where being the charge nurse comes in handy, now isn’t it?” she whispered as she leaned into Shayla’s ear. “I guess so,” she chuckled softly, almost as softly as Lynn’s comment. Her sad friend, whose spirits have been slightly lifted, followed her out of the scrub room. As they headed down the main corridor leading away from TB4, J’Lynn noticed one of the PCAs proceeding towards the ER nursing desk. “Hey Karl,” she projected, “please call Environmental Services to clean TB4, and I also need you to restock the supplies fully for the afternoon.” Karl Brownley was a hard worker and a reliable employee. He knows his job well. He must have been working here for at least 10 years, J’Lynn thought to herself. He has always tried to leave a good impression, especially when J’Lynn was around. Everyone knew he had a “thing” for her because of the way he acted whenever she was near. If he hadn’t been so shy when it came to women, he would have asked her out on a date a long time ago, not to say that she would go. Karl is too quiet, shy, and clumsy. He just isn’t her type. “Sure thing, J’Lynn,” he blurted down the corridor as he turned too quickly, ramming his thigh into the corner of the desk. “Ouch!” He grabbed the side of his leg, rubbed it, and laughed it off with a “He-He”. J’Lynn came to a sudden halt, which also made her friend do the same. “Oh, and Karl,” as she turned back around in his direction, “Please let Tanya and her team know that Shayla and I will be taking our lunches earlier than usual before you stock.” “On it!” he shouted a little too loudly in the hollow hallway. “Have a pleasant lunch,” he yelled even louder. “Well, I believe he already told them without even looking for them.” J’Lynn teased. They both couldn’t help but laugh at her comment as they continued their walk to the cafeteria. That was the only highlight of their very sad and hectic day. “So how is Jordyn, anyway? Is he still struggling in school?” she asked. “Yeah, he is. The doctor wants to up his Adderall, but I’m not sure if I want him on any more than what he’s already taking. I just don’t want him to be too much more doped up on meds. He is having a hard time staying focused on his schoolwork though.” “Yeah, ADHD is not kind. I hope he gets some relief.” “I’m glad today is Friday and I have tomorrow off so that I can spend some quality time with the twins. I have to work Sunday but not tomorrow, thank goodness.” “I have a little three-day weekend and I’m going to enjoy every minute of it,” J’Lynn added. “Hey, how do you rate?!” Shayla yelled. They both looked at each other and laughed. “Believe me, I deserve it!”. “Yes, I know you do,” Shayla agreed. As they continued closer to their destination, J’Lynn felt her phone vibrate in her shirt pocket and pulled it out, but her efforts were not in time. “I wonder who that was?” as she swiped up on her cell phone to view the caller. “4 missed calls! Why is he calling me now after all this time?!” she questioned with a little anger in her voice and a frown on her pretty golden-tan face. The nerve he had to call me, she thought. She hadn’t heard from Michael in a couple of months and thought he had been dead somewhere. No one knew where he was all this time. “Who was that calling you, Michael?” Shayla asked. “Hmmm,” J’Lynn scuffed as the corner of her mouth tightened and tipped up in disgust. “Boy, he has some big kahunas,” Shayla replied. “No, not really,” she added and again, they both couldn’t help but laugh at someone else’s expense. Lord knows they need a good laugh. She closed her phone and placed it back in her pocket so as not to give it a second thought. After ordering their lunch, they shuffled their way to the lunch area where there were plenty of seats because of the early lunchtime. Their favorite seats were open, so they sat down and relaxed to eat. They were enjoying each other’s company with jokes and gossip when J’Lynn’s phone rang again. She pulled it out of her pocket and looked at the screen. Low and behold, it was her ex-boyfriend, Michael. She contemplated not answering but figured it must be urgent if he had called her 4 times already this morning and she knew that if she didn’t answer, he would continue to call until she did. Disgust showed on her face but decided to answer his call anyway. She may have left the relationship on a sour note and with a lot of hardship, but she loves his grandmother, who made her feel like she was truly a part of their family. If anything were to happen to her, she would like to know. J’Lynn stood up, turned to face her friend, and said, “Excuse me, I better answer this just in case it’s important”, as she touched the answer button. “But don’t…!” before Shayla could finish her displeased comment, J’Lynn placed her hand over the receiver and whispered, “It’ll be ok, trust me.” Against her friend’s decision, she sighed, sat back to relax in her chair, and reluctantly continued to finish eating her lunch. J’Lynn walked away to the big glass windows for a little more privacy in hopes to hear a little better. She knew she wouldn’t have if she had stayed at her table. She placed her middle finger in her ear and held the phone up to her other. “Hello, Michael...sorry about that. What is it? Is something wrong with Mary? Is she ok?” The voice on the other end replied, “Hi Pumpkin, how are you?” Michael called her Pumpkin as a sweetheart name whenever he wanted her special attention and to make her melt, which ‘in the past’ is exactly what it did. She always called him by his formal first name, Michael, which no one else did. Everyone else called him Mike, or if you were his grandma, Mikey. J’Lynn had also called him baby, but she hasn’t called him that in a couple of months since she left him. “Michael, this is your 5th time calling me today. I’m at work, so what’s wrong? Why are you calling me so much and where have you been all this time?” “Nothing is wrong, pumpkin. I just miss you. I see you missed me too,” he said in his soft voice. “I mean, I REALLY miss you and I’m having a hard time getting over you. I can’t sleep at night without you in my arms ever since you left me. I can’t think about anything or anyone else other than to hold on to you and to kiss you; show you how much love I have for you. I want to make love to you again, to feel your soft skin against mine, and to kiss your wonderful lips. Baby, I want to make love to you again. Please come home where you belong. I need you.” “Oh my God, Michael... are you kidding me?! We’re finished and there’s nothing you can say to change my mind!” She was becoming infuriated and couldn’t believe he actually thought there would be a chance for them to reunite after everything he put her through. “Pumpkin, please, let’s try again. I promise you that things will be different. I promise you,” he begged. “You should have thought about this months ago. I can’t and I won’t ever go through what you put me through again! Now please stop calling me!” “If you don’t come back to me, I’m not sure what I will do next!” “Are you threatening me again, Michael?” J’Lynn answered immediately. “No baby, I’m just not sure how I’ll handle another night without you, pumpkin. My life is so empty,” he sobbed. Is he crying, J’Lynn wondered? Is he contemplating suicide? She shook the thought off. There’s no way he would do such a thing. She knew him all too well. He is too self-absorbed and too arrogant to do such a thing, let alone to even cry. He loved himself too much. There was no way she was going to let him get to her like that. A serious frown came to her pretty face again, and she refused to let him consume her the way he used to, with no problem at all. But this time, she knows him very well and the love she had for him has completely gone from her heart. He has destroyed any feelings she once had for him. “Michael, I have to go. Don’t call me again unless it’s an emergency.” She hung up wishing it was one of the older kinds of phones where if you slammed the receiver down, it would slam hard in that person’s ear, but she had to settle with just hanging up without letting him get the chance to reply or say goodbye. This will just have to do. After working all day and taking care of her trauma patients, J’Lynn was so totally exhausted. It was such a trying day and losing a child of only 10 years old made it extremely overwhelming. All she could do was to think of the comfort and security of her own home. She was ready to go home and take a nice hot shower and kick her feet up in her favorite overstuffed brown chair with an ottoman. It was a little beat up, tattered, stained, and worn, but it’s so cozy and comfortable, she told herself every time she thought about how it did not go with the rest of the décor in her living room. There was something about that chair that she was just not ready to give up.... comfort and pleasure! Oh, how she longs for that in her personal life; something Michael could not give her within the last six months of their strained, domiciled relationship.