Alsina is My Weakness

Chapter Four: Garden of Eden

9 am

May

Half awake and half sleep, I remained in bed slipping in and out of consciousness.

I avoided sunlight at all costs.

It's Sunday, so I have church. I attend the noon services, the morning services are too early for me.

I planned to stay in bed for another ten minutes because this has been the best sleep I've been getting in a long time. But when I noticed August was gone, I sighed, and got out of bed and headed to the bathroom.

I brushed my teeth and washed my face, feeling completely drained of all energy suddenly.

I don't know why I'm so disappointed. He's a celebrity now, he has no time to fondle me everyday. I should just get used to it.

I was abruptly knocked out of my thoughts when I heard a loud noise that seemed to be coming from my kitchen.

I walked slowly to my kitchen, pleasantly surprised when I seen August.

Beside him on the floor was shattered glass.

"What happened?", I said with a laugh while walking to the closet getting the broom.

"This little nigga popped up out of nowhere, rubbing against my leg and shit.", he said while pointing to Fury.

My eyes shifted from August to Fury, as I stared at the small gray kitten that just meowed at me.

I looked back at August and then at Fury again and then started to laugh uncontrollably.

"August, he's just a kitten. He meant no harm.", I said trying to hold in my laughter.

August took the broom from me and began to sweep the glass up. "I don't care, the nigga needs to learn some manners."

"August, he is a kitten. What manners could he possibly learn?"

"He need to learn how to introduce himself properly and not sneak up on niggas. You know niggas got popped for that back in the nola.", he said seriously.

I giggled at his silliness.

"I thought you left August.", I said walking towards him.

"Nah. I wouldn't just up and leave you without saying goodbye. I know how much you hate that shit.", he said while staring at me.

I smiled slightly.

He got rid of the glass and I watched him intently. He was fully dressed and looked as if he'd been up for hours.

"You got plans for today?", he asked me.

I nodded. "I have to attend the afternoon service at church."

He nodded slightly.

"And then I have a doctors appointment?", I added.

"On a Sunday?"

I nodded.

"For what?"

I hesitated. "Just a check up.", I said uneasily.

He titled his head slightly. It seemed as if he didn't believe me but he asked no further questions.

Instead he stared at me as I stood a couple feet away from him.

"Come here baby.", he said before wrapping his arms around me.

I wrapped my arms around him and quickly remembered how being close to him made me feel.

Death doesn't exist when we're close.

When we are close, I stumble into a world where the earth is calm and love is free to reign.

Like The Garden of Eden.

I looked up at him.

"Are you gonna eat something?", he asked me.

"Yes. I'm just making cereal. Do you want me to cook something for you?", I asked him.

"Nah, I ain't too good for cereal.", he said.

I smiled. "Okay, what cereal do you want?"

"I want whatever you want.", he said.

I nodded. "Okay August."

He smiled slightly. "Why do you always do that?"

"Do what August?"

"Say my name before or after almost everything you say.", he asked.

"I like your name.", I said simply. "It accurately fits your personality."

He nodded.

"But if it bothers you, I'll stop.", I added while pouring milk.

"Nah. Don't stop. I like it.", he said.

I smiled. "Okay August."

...

10:30am

After breakfast, I got dressed for church quickly. I made sure to wear a long sleeved dress.

I then decided to spend the remainder of my time with August before he left. He leaves the same time I'm supposed to leave for church so we didn't have much time.

I walked out my room and into the living room to see August playing with Fury.

I smiled a bit.

I took a seat on the rug next to August and watched as Fury gently clawed at him.

"August, I really love your music.", I told him breaking silence.

"Oh yeah? What's your favorite song then?"

I hesitated a bit. "Well out of all your songs. I believe Downtown resonated with me the most. It is one of my favorites."

He nodded.

He stayed silent for a moment. He was probably thinking about his brother.

He was probably thinking about Deandre too. I didn't get a chance to talk to him about what happened to Deandre. Actually I just didn't bring it up.

He probably wasn't ready to talk about him anyway. Either way, may he rest in peace.

I gazed at him as he looked to be in deep thought.

"Are you happy August?", I asked lowly.

"Huh?"

"Are you happy, you know, with your life? Are you happy with the way things turned out?"

He hesitated. "I guess, I mean... It just seems like I lose more than I gain sometimes."

I nodded. "So you're not happy?"

He stayed silent.

I placed my hand gently on the side of his face and kissed him.

"I'm still here for you. You can always talk to me.", I reassured him.

I know things must be difficult for him right now. Trying to find balance must be hard for him. I just want him to talk to me. Like we did when we were younger. He shared everything with me, as I shared with him.

I was in perpetual free fall in his mind back when we were young. I hope we can get back to that.

He kissed me back. "I know.", he said simply. "What about you? Are you good?"

"Yeah I'm fine.", I said.

"What about financially?", he asked.

"Everything is paid for. Ronnie left more than enough money for me.", I said reassuring him.

"What about spending money?"

"August, you know I don't really care for material things. I'm fine. No need to worry."

He nodded.

"But thank you for caring. It is very sweet of you.", I told him while laying my head on him.

He nodded again.

"When will I see you again?", I asked him.

"Whenever you really really miss me, just call me and I'll be here.", he said seriously.

I smiled slightly. "I'll really really miss you as soon as you leave."

"Good. That way, when I come back you'll still love me.", he said half serious.

I held his hand. "I'll love you regardless."

He stared at me for a moment. "I have a show in New Orleans in a couple weeks. I'll be out there for a day or two. Do you wanna come with me?"

"Yes. I'd like that."

...

2pm

Immediately after church, I headed to my doctor.

I walked into the office smiling slightly. Yes August left but I was just happy that I got to see him.

"Hello May.", my doctor said happily.

"Hello.", I replied.

I watched as he washed his hands and put gloves on. "You seem happy today. What's the occasion?"

"I rekindled an old relationship with someone I really care about.", I said honestly.

"Well that's wonderful. I'm happy for you.", he said while taking my blood pressure.

"Thank you.", I said lowly.

"Have you been having any symptoms?"

"Light. Like daylight. It's starting to really bother me.", I admitted.

"You're becoming hypersensitive to light. Try to stay inside more. Try to avoid the suns rays for a while."

"Okay.", I said lowly.

"Anything else?", he asked.

I gently rolled up my sleeve showing him my reddened arm.

He examined it. "I can prescribe something for that. It is not uncommon for people with your condition to develop rashes like that."

I nodded slightly.

"Any other symptoms.", he asked while writing something down.

"No." I said.

"Alright then let's proceed with this immunotherapy."

...

9pm

I laid on my couch with all lights completely off. I gazed out my window and watched an airplane grace the night sky once again.

I immediately thought about August.

I love him.

Thinking about August made me think about the sermon that my pastor gave today.

He reviewed Proverbs 31:3.

Give not your strength to women, nor your ways to that which destroys kings.

It is the word of God to not have premarital s*x. No matter how tempting it may seem.

Because when a man sleeps with a woman he is releasing a portion of his strength to her. If the man and the woman are not married, the man loses that portion of strength he gave to her. Then only God can restore this man's strength. If the man and woman are married, the man retains his strength because his wife gives it back since they are joined by covenant.

The man then can remain the king that he is, obtaining all of his power.

I wonder if August would do that for me.

If he'd ever ask me to marry him.

If he would let Christ restore him, if he'd repent for me and then wait until we're married to be intimate with me. I wonder if he'd ever do that for me. I wonder if he loves me that much.

I wonder if he even wants to spend the rest of my life with me.

I'm afraid that soon pleasing him emotionally and mentally won't suffice; he'll crave physical pleasure that I can't give to him.

I'm afraid that he'll leave me because of it.

He can easily find a woman that can physically please him. That's no problem for him.

I often struggle with temptation though, I feel like Eve sometimes.

The human s*x drive is incredibly strong already and August is as virile as they come. So it is especially easy to get carried away with him.

But over the past five years, I have established a closer relationship with God and I try to abide by his words.

In the end though, I'll probably give in to temptation. I'm older now, I don't have to worry about getting caught.

It is just him and I.

Willpower is the only thing I have to stop me.

So it would be extremely difficult for me.

I wish he was here right now.

I want to lay with him. It isn't fun sleeping alone.

I really really miss him already.

I am his.

As long as I live, I will be his. There is no one else I want to be with. I believe God himself made my attraction to him so strong. The attraction is not infatuation, it's more like adoration. I have the up most respect for him as a man.

In a world of hatred, capitalism, g******e, and police brutality; my love for him still exists.

Even though it might not be significant to the rest of the world. Even though it might not be significant in a century from now, it matters to me.

Because somewhere in this crazy messed up world, I found love. Sadly, everyone doesn't obtain such a blessing.

Because if I die today, I'll have someone that will miss me dearly.

In my demise, I want him to claim me, I want him to say that I was his.

In my demise, I want him to remember that love does not die.

Our love does not die, it was grown in the Garden of Eden.