Alsina is My Weakness

Chapter One: Possession

1am

August

It's a two-hour flight from Atlanta to New York City.

I'm tired as hell but I can't fall asleep on planes.

Instead, I put my seat back and closed my eyes, maybe I could force myself to sleep.

Well, that ain't work because thirty minutes later I'm still wide awake.

I guess I have to wait until I get to the hotel to get some f*****g sleep.

I sighed. I guess I could pass the time with the music.

I reached in my pocket for my phone accidentally pulling out a piece of paper with it. The folded piece of paper fell on the floor and I picked it up quickly.

I unfolded it to see what it was but immediately folded it back up and put it back in my pocket when I realized what it was.

It was the poem May had written for me. I always kept it in my pocket. It's literally the only thing that keeps me sane at times.

I wish we hadn't lost touch. If we hadn't we would be together now. If I didn't leave, we would have been together now.

It's crazy because it's like she fell off the face of the earth. Like she vanished.

When I go back to New Orleans and ask around, they say that she went to school in New York City but they ain't sure which one she in.

I can't ask her mother because

she moved to Arizona with her new boyfriend.

I've been to NYC eleven times and every single time, I visit a couple colleges to see if she attends that school.

There are thirty five colleges and universities in NYC and I've been to thirty three of them without any success in finding her.

It's like she's hiding from me. She doesn't want me to find her.

If that's the case, I'll never find her. You can't find a girl that doesn't want to be found.

I plan to visit the last two when I arrive there though.

I got to find her.

I regret leaving her. I f*****g resent the day I left her.

It's like I traded love for fortune.

I traded love for fame.

I'm realizing now that it wasn't worth it.

Because in the end, I'd rather be a broke nigga in love, than a rich nigga alone.

9am

May

He loved yarn.

I sat on the rug in my living room and set a ball of yarn down. Fury jumped down from the couch and started unraveling the ball of yarn. I laughed at how he got slightly aggressive when I moved the ball of yarn away from him.

Fury is a kitten that I rescued on my way from school. He was trapped between two pieces of wood at a construction site. I immediately rushed over to get him out and then I took him home with me.

Fury is absolutely the sweetest kitten I have ever encountered. I named him Fury because of how well tempered he is. Irony.

10am

I got dressed, preparing for my eleven o clock class.

I made my way to the stove and poured myself a cup of tea from the teapot. I then made my way to the living room and took a seat on the couch while turning the tv on.

Immediately I saw August on the screen. It was his video for Make it Home.

I kept my eyes on the screen, and watched the video intently.

There are no words to describe how proud I am of him.

I sat back and continued to watch the video carefully. After all, the only time I got to see him was on a screen and the only time I got to hear his voice was through speakers.

When the video was over I turned off my tv and headed out my apartment and made my way to class.

It was a fifteen minute walk to the university from my apartment so I often walked.

The four years I've been here, I've grown to really like New York City. When I first arrived here I was a bit uncomfortable.

It's very different from New Orleans.

But I got used to it.

I plan to live here for a while.

11:00am

I got to class on time and of course, the professor was late.

He always is.

While I waited for the professor to walk in, I overheard two girls' conversation.

"Did you hear that August is performing in Manhattan tonight?"

"Are you for real?"

"Yes, I'm for real. I will surely be there tonight."

I then tuned the girls out. They were most likely going to continue to talk about how good August looks and what they'd do to him if they got the chance.

It was the same conversation every time I entered, not just this class, but every class.

6pm

By the evening I was back in my apartment. I fed Fury and then went to take a shower.

When I got out of the shower, my phone was ringing. I rushed in my room to go answer it.

I picked my phone up and answered it immediately when I realized who it was.

"Hello?"

"Hey May, what are you doing right now?"

"Nothing. I'm about to eat something, why?"

"You should come with me to see August Alsina perform tonight."

"Umm...I think I'll pass.", I told her.

She sucked her teeth. "You're literally like the only girl that doesn't like him."

I chuckled at her foolish comment. "I never said I didn't like him."

"So you do like him?", she asked.

"Brittanie, you should go get ready. You don't want to be late.", I said ignoring her question.

"Yeah you're right. I guess I'll see you tomorrow then.", she said.

"Yes. Have a good time.", I told her.

"Thanks.", she said.

I then hung up. Brittanie was my dorm roommate my freshman, sophomore, and junior years of college.

She's a good person so we naturally became friends. Not best friends but friends.

I find it ironic that she is like in love with August. When we lived together, he was always the topic of discussion with her.

I didn't tell her about August and me because it really didn't matter. No one needed to know.

Nevertheless, it always hurts when someone brings him up.

I know that if I want to move on I cannot see him in person.

I can't talk to him.

I can't touch him.

I can't because right then and there, I'll fall for him.

That easily I'll fall for him.

And I can't let that happen. I can't let him back in just so he can leave again.

I don't think I can take that again.

We can't be together.

He's too busy now.

He's too famous now.

He's loved by too many now.

9pm

I sat at my kitchen table eating dinner by myself. It was silent other than my fork occasionally clanking the plate.

From my kitchen, I could see out my living room window. My apartment was so high up that all I could see was lights. City lights.

I glanced at the time and realized that August was performing right now. Somewhere out there in this enormous city, he is performing for a crowd of people who love him.

August is somewhere out here in this enormous city with half of my soul still in his possession...

Dammit, August.