THE ANGELES VICE

Dancing with death part 5

They sit in a pleasant as usual eating and drinking, using up every second to rest before they would have to get a move on again. Half an hour goes by when Lauren initiates another conversation. "Have you ever been in love?" she's staring at Sasha like a lost puppy. Sasha reflects on her life for a moment then purses her lips. "Nope. No." (Never.)

"never??"

"Never ."

"How old are you?"

"Twenty-four."

"Well, have you ever really liked someone?"

"Once. I was really young. I don't really remember them, only what I saw in the news about their body. That was it."

Lauren tongues her cheek, continuing to stare at the brunette. Here you have a devastatingly gorgeous older woman with attractive qualities to her character, who has a natural seductress nature, and is harboring a myriad of secrets with just as much reluctance to discuss them. Lauren doesn't believe she didn't have somebody memorable who touched her heart at least once or twice.

"What?"

"You've had s*x before though, haven't you?""Of course, when I had to."

"When you had to?"

"Y esas preguntas?" Sasha chuckles. "Why are you asking so much about my s*x life?"

"Let me ask them, I'm just curious. Obviously, you could never understand the way I feel, but there must be something," Lauren hopes. "Have you ever enjoyed yourself in s*x?"

"No. And it's not because I don't like it, I might like it. The men were just really bad at it. It wasn't about me, you know? Not at all."Lauren slowly nods, coming to terms with the fact that Sasha probably isn't a real person. Or rather she is just extremely rare and highly unusual in her entirety. "I'm asking you all this because I'm having a hard time making a decision, and I need advice. I have a lot of fear over it, it keeps me up at night.""Yes? What is it?"

"Let's say...you were with someone you really liked and wanted to be with...but they strung you along and eventually betrayed you. But while you were with them, you were also involved with their best friend out of spite but also because you were beginning to develop feelings for them as well. And that person ended up being the best thing that ever happened to you. And you fell...madly in love with them, you saw your whole life with them. But then you and the other person make up and you realize the feelings are still there...no matter how much you tried to bury and deny them. You're crazy about them. And when you're about to break up with the woman you love for her, and that woman is pregnant, thinking you're going to move together and be together forever, she gets...she uh..." Lauren freezes and nearly collapses into a sobbing fit. She clears her throat and continues, "She gets murdered by the brother of the girl you're leaving her for, and that girl is partially responsible.""for her death. But so are you. Do you still pursue that girl despite all that and despite the fact that everyone you love dies...or do you stay away from her and never let yourself love again?"

Frankly, Sasha only understood half of what she said. So her response time is delayed as she sits back in her seat, facing forward, and translates in no rush. She adds up the familiar words and makes sense of them with the words she doesn't know yet, takes some lucky guesses, then averts back to Lauren."La vida sigue con o sin alguien. La manera en que lo veo, everybody f****d up in this situation," she shrugs and blows a raspberry. "The pregnant woman f****d up with you, the other woman f****d up with you, you messed up with them, one friend wronged another, everybody ehhh.. " she snaps her fingers, her eyes sliding off to the side as she locates her desired words, "screw each other. No? And so? It ends. Nobody wins. What can you do? Maybe you feel sorry for the rest of your life. I don't."but it doesn't seem to me that it is worth it." (Life goes on with or without someone. The way I see it)

Lauren twitches as she quickly turns to stare out her window, tapping her fingers against her leg that bounces. She shakes her head and blows heavy air through her mouth, dropping her head against her closed palm.

"This other woman...what is her name?"

Again, Lauren hesitates. "Candy."

"Candy is half responsible how? Why did her brother kill your lover?""She was in a rival gang and I had personal beef with her brother. She went behind his back to be with me and secretly betrayed her gang. She also helped me murder his lover, and she wrote an anonymous letter revealing everything. That's why he reacted the way he did."

"So she told the truth, and that's what happened. What is in the darkalways comes to light. What were you expecting? Can't you or her handle the consequences of your actions?" says Sasha before flinging a chip into her mouth, ending with an obnoxiously loud crunch.

Lauren grits her teeth and glares at Sasha, fighting the instinct to smash her beer bottle over her head. "What's the matter with you? A woman I loved was murdered in my arms and she was pregnant with my kid! They didn't deserve s**t no matter how badly I messed up! Jesus, have some sympathy."

"Why? You knew what you were doing but you played the game all wrong. Claro que lo perdiste todo! Take it from me, okay? Because I know," she says with a hand over her chest, nodding. Sasha nonchalantly goes back to snacking and says in between her munching, "I'm sorry, Lauren, I do not feel sorry for you or Candy or anyone, you were all stupid in this game. Stay away from Candy if you don't know what you are doing or goto Candy if you are smarter this time. That is my opinion." (Of course you lost everything!)

"Go screw yourself," Lauren looks away again, suffocating with resentment and hatred that is initially aimed at Sasha. "I'm too exhausted to put a cap in your skull so just forget I ever told you anything."

"If..."

"As a matter of fact," she jabs a strong pointed finger at Sasha, "how about you learn to communicate?"and develop a sense of empathy for people?? I don't want to hear that kind of talk again as long as I have you under my wing, is that understood?! From now on, it is 'I understand' and 'I'm sorry to hear that' followed by some great advice instead of whatever nonsense you gave me just now! Have some compassion!"

"Sure. Whatever you want, Lauren," Sasha counters her aggression with tranquility. She isn't eating anymore. She almost pretends that Lauren had.struck fear into her heart but before she knows it she's asking another bold question. "The girl who died for you. Was your love for her worth dying for?"

The hostility from the former gang leader abandons her and gets replaced with childlike vulnerability. She kills all movement from her tongue with a firm bite. Her cheeks raise along with the corners of her trembling lips. She blinks excessively, afraid to go there and reminisce and reflect in depth just to get her answer. How does it even come to this?anyone answer a question like that? And what if her answer is no, does that mean she deserves to feel worse about herself? Does she really need that right now?

"You say everyone you love dies. Is your love for Candy worth her dying?"