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THE ANGELES VICE

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Life is just a constant cycle of proving yourself. It's an unending process of trying to please others, validate your worth, demonstrate your innocence, show your loyalty, reassure your family of your goodness, convince your partner of your faithfulness, and assure everyone that you are honest - yet also demonstrate that you are capable of deception when necessary. It often feels like a never-ending battle to meet everyone's expectations. Have you ever heard the saying that if you want to live a life of misery, this is how you do it?This is the path to misery. You may feel trapped and suffocated, feeling like you have no way out. As a criminal, there are only two possible outcomes: either spending your life behind bars or finding yourself in a secluded location where your loved ones cannot reach you. Escaping is not an option. Only a fortunate few manage to break free and live until a natural end comes for them.There are no happy endings to be found here, except maybe the temporary pleasures sought from an Asian massage parlor, an illicit relationship on the side, or the love of a partner who remains by your side in this troubled paradise. If you are still holding onto the belief, hope, or prayer for a happy ending, you are as naive as I once was, as naive as the next person waiting to take my place. If you choose to stay, follow my lead and let go of any fairy tales. Save them for bedtime stories.I am not a saint, nor have I ever claimed to be one. I have never aspired to be good, nor did I believe that I could attain such a status. Accepting and embracing this seemingly harsh reality was a lesson taught to me by one of my dearest friends, known to all as Buggs. You are under no obligation to love or hate me. In fact, you are not expected to feel any particular way towards me. Your feelings towards me are solely your problem and your own personal concern. Whether you agree with the decisions I have made or not, it is not a personal attack. Some of us can only strive to live our lives authentically and true to ourselves. If you are someone who advocates for individuals to embrace their true selves and be honest about it, yet you reject individuals like me who do just that, then you may want to reflect on your own inconsistencies. Remember this as I share my story with you.A life spent proving oneself. The only certainty I can offer to you, whoever may be listening, is that this is not where you want to be. When there is a fire, you don't run towards it unless you seek to be a hero or have a death wish. There is nothing here for anyone. But if, like me at 15, you feel you have no choice but to stay, then at least heed my advice. You will deeply regret not doing so.When God selects you to enter this world, it is a commitment that must be honored until the very end. You are brought into existence for a purpose, and it is your duty to follow that path through to completion. Despite my initial reluctance, if I was meant to be born into this life, then it is my fate to see it through to its conclusion. I am wholeheartedly devoted, now more than ever. If the higher power did not deem my presence necessary, I would not exist. Every action I take is in service of Him and my family - that is the extent of it. Though I may not be the most devout Catholic within the Church,I do possess a conscience, unlike the woman who guided me to this point. Irrespective of what others may assert, I believe that I am a decent individual. My heart is kind, and my soul still finds favor in the eyes of God, readily seeking forgiveness when needed. It is important to recognize that I am not devoid of goodness; rushing to judgment, or passing judgment without insight, is unwise. I urge you to examine yourself before forming an opinion of me. Each action I take is deliberate, with purpose and justification behind it. If you fail to acknowledge this, then you are not seeing the complete picture clearly.If my fate leads me to death, rather than a reality where I grow old surrounded by grandchildren and my loving wife until God calls her home naturally, then I will meet my end with dignity. I will depart with opulent bank accounts, ownership of vast territories, a renowned reputation, and on my own terms, retaining honor and respect. I do not resemble those aimless hoodlums; that is not who I am. I am a woman who has battled and earned the privilege to dictate my actions and demand unwavering service and homage.I will harness the power that I have fought for to shape the world where I rightfully belong. I demand unwavering respect from others at all times, for those who fail to do so will face the consequences, ending up lying lifeless in an open casket. I have transcended the role of victim in my life; I refuse to accept such a label. This is not a story of sorrow but one of empowerment.

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Dancing with death, part 1
"Who?" "Her. Sitting in the bar alone. She looks like the person our boss has been complaining about. The white girl who has been stealing from us."The glass, dry against her calloused fingertips that graze the rim but doesn't commit to picking it up to finish off the rum staring back at her. She sways like a weak branch in the wind and takes up space on the bar stool with her broad slouched shoulders and elbows expanded like wings on the aged wooden bar top that reeks of ash., cinnamon and all the alcohol contents spilled from today's populous party. The thick bundles of her bold black mane hides her face like a smothering shadow, as her head hangs and seldom raises. No one has a clear view of what she looks like though anyone can see the long Overdue ash that continues to grow from the burning cigarette dangling From her lips. The grey guayabera shirt, larger than her appropriate size, she wears fashionably although it may as well be a rag used to clean the dirty hood of a car considering its state— and it juxtaposes the brown baggy sweatpants hanging off her dangling legs. What an unusual girl, standing out amongst the company of relatively glamorous hookers for drug dealers, as though she seeks attention on purpose but plays those around her so they see her as someone who wants to be left the f**k alone.The woman these two men speak of doesn't talk at all. In fact, the only words muttered from her were to clarify the order of her drink she'd stick to the remainder of the late night. Next to her glass of rum are planks of half-eaten avocados coated with chili flakes and juices squeezed from the lemon slices lying on a napkin, a sharp short knife with a fine leather handle, and pinchos de lomito on a small plate.untouched and no longer sizzling hot. She ignores the men sizing her up and talking at her in all kinds of crazy ways when met with her resistance and disdain. She doesn't get up and dance.to the Cumbia songs the DJ plays in the other room west of the bar, she doesn't even look up for the soccer game from earlier replaying on the old flatscreen mounted on the wall for those who missed it. Such arrogance... such disregard for life, for culture, the warm and inviting nature of the people in this country and in this barrio. And when the short, round-shaped man approaches her, matching the energy she disrespectfully exudes, she doesn't even flinch or pay him any mind. What she does do is finally ash her cigarette, light a new one, then goes back to hiding like a turtle in its shell. The clearing of his throat is distinct before he asks as a warning, "" (Who are you?) No response. His laugh is as short as his patience, as he clicks his gun that he now holds and aims at her.The man reduces the distance between them enough to catch a whiff of her entire weekend on her clothes and alcohol stronger than the one on his own breath. His nose crinkles and he sneers, no..." (This is my bar and you are a stranger here. Tell me who you are and what you are doing here. If not...) " Put away your gun, you're not going to use it. "Oh, sí?" he chuckles darkly and makes a point of sweeping her greasy hair behind her shoulders with the barrel of his glock. "¿Y por qué no?"He only sees the full black small tear drop tattoo directly beneath her right eye, emerald in the middle of blazing red, and lids that sink halfway. When she turns her head and meets his gaze, his smile shrinks and his eyes go wide briefly until he recovers from his shock over how stunning and captivating she is. Her features are cutting-edge, hardened and of clear Latin descent... but they are also soft in.some places like her raised cheeks and full lips that expand into a broad grin, flashing the man with bold teeth.she doesn't mind the proximity of the gun nor the onlookers that are clearly his friends who are also armed. She takes a pull of the cigarette and exhales the smoke into his face when she says: " (Because we are friends) "friends?" his eyes turn to slits and a crease forms between his brows. He c***s his head and smiles again, wagging a finger at her. " (You are not from Colombia,I don't know you and you are not a friend of mine." "But yes! Of course, I know you, my brother!"the pale woman drags out her words with glee as she waves her arm around and transforms into a drunk who has no familiarity with misery, no concept of strangers or personal space. " (But yes! Of course I know you, my brother! Did you forget me already? I don't believe you.) The man scratches his thick curlybrown hair as he side-eyes his hired guns eyeballing the situation with their hands resting close to their concealed pistols at the front of their pants. Those not associated with the cartel in this city and just came to party mind their business and carry on dancing, pursuing one another as though the cartel did not exist in this bar, and there exists no threat to spoil the fun. However...there, another woman, a stranger called Sasha Morí, lurking just south of the bar,has the front-row seat to the potential bloodbath as she sips her fruity cocktail while observing and increasing her awareness of her surroundings. She is also another one to ignore the plenty propositions from the notorious criminals of Medellin tonight, only she did so politely and with the promise that she'd at least think about reconsidering as the night progresses. She is young, slim, sun-kissed, well-groomed, and best dressed. She blends in with the other girls with the exception of her face.

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