Becoming Luna

17 ~ ‘Til we meet again

“So,” he says after several minutes of driving in complete silence. “What did your ex want to say to me?”

“Only that he wants it to be clear that my exile is self-imposed, not the will of the alpha. He made me promise to tell you that he specifically said I’m not an outcast. That I will always have a home in his territory.”

“Really?”

“He also said I will always be welcome to return, should I change my mind.”

“And will you? Change your mind, that is?”

Siena shakes her head as she stares outside the window. “No. It’s too late for that.”

Especially not after the pack she had loved so much had treated her so horribly.

He clears his throat. “I just want to be sure you won’t regret your decision later. We can still turn back, you know.”

“We could, but frankly, I don’t want to,” she tells him quietly. “There’s nothing for me back there anymore. I thought about it and considered every option, and I’ve decided I have a better chance of survival in the Barrenlands. Nothing but a bleak future awaits me if I’d stayed with the pack.”

“That bad, huh?”

She nods solemnly, then remembers something and glances with uncertainty at Xander. “May I ask you something?”

“Sure. I can’t promise to be able to answer everything but I will try.”

She opens her mouth but hesitates at the last second. Does she really want to know that she won the grant because of him and not because she worked so hard creating something good?

“I…” she pauses, not quite sure how to form the question. “...about the grant…”

He glances at her. “What about it?”

She doesn’t answer. Saying the question out loud feels like sealing fate so she leaves it hanging instead.

“I heard you impressed the Committee with your presentation," he tells her with a smile. "I hope you have a back-up plan now that you don't have the pack's support because they are all looking forward to seeing you prove yourself.”

She turns to face him. “Did you have anything to do with it? With me winning the grant?”

“What?”

“Did you give me the grant because I slept with you? Because you felt sorry for me?” she blurts out, feeling a little nauseous. The thought feels wrong, though, and she regrets asking the moment it comes out of her lips, but there’s no taking it back so she steels herself for the answer.

Xander gives her an impatient look. “If you have to ask, maybe the Committee needs to be worried about your dedication to your project. Five hundred thousand dollars is a lot of money for someone whose resolve appears to be wavering.”

She blushes but raises her chin defiantly. “I have every confidence in Silver & Silk’s success, but can you really blame me for asking? You told me you’re the one who has the final say in approving the grant—”

Xander clicks his tongue. “I did say that, but there’s someone else who can approve the grant, bypassing my decision, and that’s my—that’s the alpha king who is actually the one financing the whole thing. When you fainted, I was not able to go back to the meeting room because I stayed with you while waiting for the doctor to arrive. The Board approved your application and submitted it to the Alpha King’s secretary. The Alpha King signed the check, but not before asking me if I had anything against the Committee’s decision. I told him I agree with them. That’s before anything happened between us.”

She stares at him, wondering if he’s telling the truth or if he’s just saying what she needs to hear. In the end, though, she decides it doesn’t matter. She needs the money, now more than ever, but this time for herself. And it has never been more imperative for her to succeed.

Siena looks outside the window, frowning when she notices that they seem to be going in a different direction. The road to the Barrenlands is the other way around, judging from the concrete road and the well-illuminated sides of the street.

“Wait, this isn’t the way to—”

“We’re not going to that hellhole,” Xander tells her calmly. “Your own alpha said you’re not an outcast so you will not be treated as such.”

She gasps. Is that why Axel insisted on meeting the King’s men? Until the very end, he was protecting her…

“...Not that I had any intention of taking you there, anyway, but he actually made it officially legal for me to take you elsewhere. By declaring you not an outcast, he made sure that you will not suffer through that horrid place while you wait for the Alpha King’s decision, which could take months, if not years. Too many requests and slow bureaucracy, well… you do the math…” he mutters. “Anyway, I’m taking you to the city, where you can start your new life. Unless, of course, you have other plans.”

She swallows the lump in her throat. Now is not the time to be emotional. There’s no use mulling over Axel’s devotion, not when Andrew had already chosen a different path, with another companion.

Xander speaks again before she can respond. “If you’re going to be able to secure the grant money, you need to be able to continue with the original plan. Which means that whatever you have lost when you left your pack, we need to make sure you find a replacement.”

Siena nods. “I need manpower and a place to work. The other things I can deal with and adjust, but I will need to provide those two first,” she frowns. “You said there are many outcasts who are requesting to be released from the Barrenlands. Desperate shifters like me who no longer have a home of their own but have no pack to return to…”

He glances at her curiously. “Yes?”

“What are the requirements necessary to be able to leave the Barrenlands legally?”

Xander frowns. “Are you saying you intend to hire rogues?”

“Only those who haven’t lost their mind yet. If there are many applicants as you said before, then most of them are still lucid, maybe people like me who were unjustly forced out of their old pack. If I can find those people, I would be more than willing to give them a second chance. Provided they can prove that they are still sane of mind and are relatively healthy and trustworthy.” Her eyes lighten up at the idea forming in her mind. “It would be like hitting three birds with one stone. I will have my manpower, they get a second chance at life, and we can lessen the number of requests at the Alpha King’s office, by ensuring a place for the outcasts as I guarantee their employment!”

He seems to consider her words. “That’s an interesting proposition…but you must also take into consideration that amongst those who might be interested in being hired would be criminals and dangerous shifters, who just want to get out of the Barrenlands and could have malicious intentions. You might end up biting more than you can chew, so this plan of yours needs to be properly studied and looked at from various angles. We don’t want to unleash something that we cannot control later, or it defeats the purpose and will cause more problems than solutions.”

Siena frowns. “Aren’t they all documented? I mean, I don’t intend to hire just anyone who would apply, I’d want a background check…”

“Which would take time and a considerable amount of money,” he reminds her gently. “As admirable and incredibly philanthropic as your intentions are, maybe for now, the safest and quickest avenue for a company this young would be to hire ordinary, uncomplicated humans. Why don’t you put a pin on that idea of yours to hire fellow outcasts once Silver & Silk is actually stable? They’re not going anywhere.”

He’s probably right.

“I will still need a place…”

Xander clears his throat. “There’s one I’d like you to see. I took the liberty of asking my secretary to look around, and she found this old publishing place that has long been closed down. We can check it out later today if you’re up for it.”

Siena stares at him.

Why is he doing all this for her? They barely know each other, and even though they did spend a night together, she had already made it clear it’s just a one time thing. There’s no reason for him to stick around.

“What’s in it for you?” she asks, direct to the point. “Why are you helping me?”

He remains quiet for a bit, and then he sighs. “I want to make sure you are settled and secured, just in case you’re carrying my child.”

“What!?”

“We had s*x, Siena. It’s a possibility.”

She shakes her head vigorously. “No, we used protection.”

He shrugs. “You never know. There’s always a small chance it failed to do its job. I want to be prepared for possibilities.”

“Okay, if it makes you feel any better, I'm telling you now, I won’t be asking you to take responsibility for a one night stand. I was the one who—”

“I won’t be here to take responsibility anyway, whether I want to or not,” he cuts her off. “I’ll be leaving soon.”

Leaving?

To go where? And for how long?

“What do you mean?” She asks warily.

“Just as I said,” he answers with a shrug, and says nothing else.

She waits in silence for a few minutes but when it becomes apparent that he has no intention of explaining himself, she asks quietly “But you’re still coming back, right?”

He seems to hesitate for a beat or two before glancing at her. “I’m not entirely sure.”

“May I ask why?”

He glances at her before shaking his head. “I’m afraid I’m not at liberty to say much, but what I can tell you is that…if I do come back, then I will do my damndest to make you mine.”

A small gasp escapes her lips, and she feels her cheeks burning all too suddenly.

“If you’re still free, of course,” he grins wryly. “Surely you know by now that I’m attracted to you. But I know you still love your former mate and it will take some time to get over him and for you to be ready for a new relationship. Which is fine. You need time to heal and I can’t really commit—at least, not yet. Maybe when the time is right…who knows? ”

Siena looks down on her lap, fidgeting with her fingers. What does this mean, then? Is he asking her to wait for his return? That’s a huge imposition and not something she’s certain she wants to commit to right now. She’s simply not ready. And how is she supposed to know how long to wait for him if he wouldn’t tell her where he’s going? It doesn’t seem fair at all, especially because he’s not even sure if he’s coming back…

Where the hell is he going!?

“Don’t worry,” he tells her with a small smile. “I’m not asking you to wait for me. Live your life, Siena, and heal. Find your purpose and be happy. Whatever happens, and if I’m lucky enough that our paths will cross again, I’ll take my chances, however slim...”