The Boy With No Voice

He's gone... That's it, he's just... Gone. I stared at the gravestone as my stone cold hands stuffed into my jeans' pockets as I continued to re-read the words that were engraved into the freshly-new, polished marble finish tombstone, "Here lies Corban J. Smith, a best friend, and a beloved son. He will be missed dearly." I wanted to spit on the words because they are just lying... My eyes traced the edge of the stone as the mound of freshly dug up earth sat there at my feet as I shrugged my left shoulder trying to fix my jacket as I felt what I took as the tears of the sky begin to sprinkle across the earth's surface. I looked up to feel some of the gentle kisses from the drops hit against my cold flesh as I looked back down and inhaled deeply before whispering the last words that I will ever speak... "I'm sorry, my brother..." With that I hung my head low and trudged off towards my car, feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders as I practically dragged my feet. The rain had started to become harder as I felt my legs stop working, falling to my knees as I hunched over and dropped my head into my hands as I allowed the overwhelming feel of tears to break through my brick wall. The feelings that were at the funeral, then the burial and now... The thoughts, the memories and finally the future he was supposed to be in my future... Now, he's nothing but a stupid memory that is buried in the ground. I sat back on my calves as my hands hit against my legs, as I threw my head up towards the sky as I allowed a loud, blood-chilling scream to leave my throat as I slammed my fist against the ground before allowing my head to fall back into my hands before sniffling and trying to choke back sobs as I slowly pushed myself up from the wet, soft earth and look up to see the sky had become even darker than before. I inhaled deeply before coming to conclusion... I'm done. Acting, singing and finally... Talking. - One Year Later - "Lucas, please, just talk to us... It's been a year since the incident! You must forgive and forget!" My mother beckoned as I sat at the dining room table, my hand wrapped around a metal spoon as I stuck it into my oatmeal feeling the sudden urge to.. To break everything I got up from the white hardwood chair and left up towards my room. Quietly shutting my door as I pressed my back against the smooth, white door as I slid down it and clenched my eyes closed trying to imagine what it would be like if... If Corban was still here... I reopened my eyes once I heard the sound of my parents yelling at one another as my father began to accuse my mother of "pushing on the issue too much," or "to leave me alone." All while my mother argued that "I'm his mother, I'm allowed to push on the issue!" And all of these other scenarios that weren't even relevant to the argument. I scooted across my carpeted floor, reaching up under my bed as I pulled out a small shoe box that read, "Our Memories." My eyes began to water as I inhaled deeply and removed the lid. Looking down into what the box was containing I couldn't help but feel this tug at my heart as my eyes traced different shapes and sizes of items that Corban and I had collected over the years of our friendship, but that's when it all ended because I...I was so stupid to hit send... An idiot... "Lucas! Come on, you're going to be late for school if you don't hurry!" My father called from downstairs as I exhaled and replaced the lid back on the box and pushed it back under my bed as I slipped on my loose converse and grabbed my messenger bag that rested in my desk chair. Carefully I made my way downstairs and stopped when I saw my mother sitting in the living room with her head in her hands while her shoulders shook with quiet, choked back sobs that were muffled by her palm. I looked at her with hurt eyes and shook my head before heading outside to meet my father by my rustic baby blue Jeep. "You look down bud... I guess you saw your mother?" He sighed and stuffed his hands into his slacks as I stood there with my hand wrapped tightly around my messenger bags' strap as my other was stuffed away in my pocket. I darted my eyes down to my feet and shook my head gently as my father sighed loudly. "Listen, Lucas, don't look so hurt... What happens a year ago wasn't your fault, okay? It was that stupid old man's and honestly, I agree with you on that he should be sent to ja-" I inhaled as I looked at my father as I slowly moved my had to where it stayed on his shoulder as he redirected his eyes to where he looked me straight in my eyes as he exhaled with a sigh. "Right... Don't worry about it." He paused what he was saying and looked up at me with a half-hearted smile as I cracked a small twitch of my lip at him before climbing into the Jeep. Once I closed the door with a somewhat good of a slam I went to turn on the car when my fathers' face appeared next to the car, in the window. "Don't let anything provoke you today, alright? I don't want you or your mother's blood pressure to shoot through the roof... Again." He chuckled lowly as his face shown nothing of a playful joke. I nodded my head once before rolling up the window and putting the Jeep into reverse. Once I left the safety of my driveway, I felt... Distant. Distracted by everything around me, even other cars were a distraction- yet I continued to drive. My parents never worried about me driving... Well, until I stopped talking. I remember how... How scared my mother was when she would ask me for something, or tell me something expecting a reply but... But all she got was silence. I just want them to see what I see, hear my own stupid thoughts, t...that feeling in my chest that keeps a hard hold on my heart... I want them to see through my eyes. Even if it's just a second, I'll feel.... Understood.