Crimson Haze

The choice

My mom looks at, me tears starting to form again “why wouldn’t you want your father and I to not know where you are… we’ve raised you, fed you, clothed you.” She grabs the buttons on her long sleeve button up blouse “It breaks my heart to know that you don’t want us to be a part of this decision.” I wish I knew what to tell her to make her understand, or something that would put here in a calmer state. At this rate nothing I would say would help. Guilt stirs inside my heart as the tears flow down my cheek. I look through the tears at the doctors name tag “ excuse me… Doctor. Smith is it.” Wiping the tears from my face to continue my response. “ Yes ma’am” Dr. Smith replied holding his clipboard to his chest now. I cleared my throat “ could you ask them to leave please". I can feel my parents shock and anger towards my decision my father tries to object but before he can the doctor steps in “ Mr. and Mrs. James please stop.. it is obvious you care for your daughter very much but let’s not put her in a more stressful environment.” The doctor uses his arms as a blockade to try and coax them out of the room “please just give us a 30 minutes alone with her to see what she decides".

My mother grabs the door still fidgeting with the buttons on her shirt and freezes in her steps. A tall woman was standing at the door with a few pamphlets and a 2 inch three ring binder. “Oh, I’m sorry please excuse me is this Annie James room" she tries to wiggle past my mom and dad to get to me. With a calm voice she says “ umm… please excuse me I’m Doctor Emilia Rodriguez, I’m the hospitals psychologist and just wanted to clear a few things up with Miss Annie if that’s okay.”

My mother shoots her a very disrespectful glare “I guess since we have no choice in the matter” then while looking at me with the same look “I guess we’ll leave…..” My mother and I have not always seen eye to eye but she has never looked at me like that, like she was absolutely disgusted to even look my way. I couldn’t understand how someone could go from embracing and making me feel guilty for me to stay, to looking at me basically saying good riddance. I snap back out of my thoughts thinking I was probably reading to much in to it “ goodbye Mom…. Dad I love you…. Please don’t worry I’ll be okay I promise" my father wraps his around my mom out the door without saying a word just there piercing glances of disappointment and disgust.

I try to hold back my tears, I understand that I hurt them but why didn’t they say anything. My world is a mess but I thought I could always have my parents backing me up. Maybe I lost that right when I decided to… my thoughts are interrupted by Doctor Smith “ Miss Annie can I get you anything… juice, tea …water maybe". I wipe the tears from my eyes my cheeks starting to turn red from the aggressive wiping “ some water please.”, “okay I’ll be right back"

After Doctor Smith leaves the room Doctor Rodriguez pulls a chair up to my bed “ hello Miss. James I’m Doctor Rodriguez but you can just call me Emilia.” She holds out my hand for me to shake I lift my hand just realizing the IV attached to me and shaking her hand. “Well you have had a very tiring day would you like to talk about it.” I was kind of surprised she wanted to talk about it already “umm… not really…. Doctor Smith told me that there was a rehabilitation center I could possibly go to I’d rather talk about that if that’s okay.” Shyly putting my strawberry blonde hair behind my ear. No sooner after I had done that Doctor Smith comes through the door with my cup of water “ here you go Miss Annie.” He holds onto the back of the bed looking at Emilia with raised eyebrows “have you gotten the opportunity to look at some of the centers yet” Emilia looks at him smiling through her jet black hair looking up at the doctor flashing her surprisingly green eyes “we were just about to get started talking about the options.” I take a sip of my water “okay I’m ready … Emilia, what are some of my options.”