It’s never that easy

Chapter Ten

I was so glad when we got home. What a hectic weekend. I just can’t believe I’m not going to see Jamie or talk to him. He can’t avoid me all of the time though. We still work together. But if it’s easier for him, then I’ll have to respect his wishes. I can see where he’s coming from. It must hurt him seeing me with Mark, if what he’s been acting like over the last few months has anything to say about it. Also, by what he said to me before he went inside. He wants to move on with his life. I need to let him do that. As much as I like him, I also like Mark. Mark has to be my priority for once. I can’t deal with everything that has gone on with Jamie. I can’t be in anxiety mode all of the time. It’s backwards and forwards with that guy.

“Hey, are you okay? You keep zoning out on me?”

“Yeah, just thinking about Jamie.”

“What’s he done now?”

“That’s it. He hasn’t done anything. He’s decided to distance himself from me.”

“Why? How is that going to happen?”

“He didn’t say. Just that he wants to move on without me in his life for a while. I don’t know how work is going to work out, unless he doesn’t do any shifts with me.”

“Wow! You must have really messed his head up good. He never lets a girl get away. That’s not the Jamie we know.”

“I know. I just hope it’s not forever. I can’t lose him. We may not be able to be together but surely we can be friends, right?”

“Not if it hurts him too much. Maybe after the separation and he’s found someone else, then yeah maybe. I’m sure you’ll be speaking by next week. I can’t see you two not talking for long.”

“Will you keep in touch with him for me? That way my mind is at ease and I’ll know there’s nothing wrong with him. I’ll be able to check he’s okay through you.”

“Yeah. Of course I can.”

“Thank you. That way I know he will come back to me if he’s in contact with you.”

A few hours had past and I was just getting ready for bed when the doorbell rang.

“I’ll get it!” I shouted to Gemma.

I opened the door to a nice but confusing surprise.

“Jamie?”

“I know it’s late, but I need to tell you this, otherwise I won’t get to sleep and I’ll regret it forever.”

“What?”

“Look, I really, really like you, more than just a friend. I know nothing can happen with you being with Mark, but I thought if I never told you how I really felt, then I could lose you forever. This way I still have a chance of having you around me, as a friend, knowing that I had told you. I still want my space. I need to grow up before we can happen. You don’t deserve this. Mark treats you better than I ever could.”

“Jamie that’s stupid! I really like you too and yeah, I do also like Mark, but it’s you I want. We need a bit of space between us? I don’t think we do, but if you insist please don’t leave it too long that we become strangers?”

“I won’t. I promise. I just needed to tell you. Now I have, I might be able to get back to my usual self.”

“Not too much though. He’s a bit of a douche.”

“Sure,” Jamie laughed.

He moves closer to me, our foreheads touching each other’s. All of a sudden, he gave me a deep kiss on the lips, which set me off crying. Tears starting to roll down my cheeks.

“What’s with the tears?” he asked wiping them away.

“I’m just going to miss you that’s all.”

“You’ll see me at work.”

“That’s different.”

“It won’t be long. I just had to have a goodbye kiss to remember why I need to come back.”

“You better!”

“Bye princess!”

“Bye.”

He jumped in his car and drove off.

“Who was that?”

“Just Jamie.”

“I knew it wouldn’t take him long. What did he want?”

“Nothing, he still wants his space. He just wanted to declare his love for me, no biggie!”

“He what? What are you going to do?”

“Nothing. He wants his space so he can move on. He’s not completely sure what he wants. He wants to become a better person.”

“That is not someone who can move on. He’s telling you he needs you. That’s his way of telling you and you let him go.”

“If...and that’s a big if, he does then he should just come out with it saying he wants to be with me now not later. It’s out of hands. Besides I have Mark who looks after me.”

“Okay, it’s your choice. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Night Gem.”

The next moment, I heard my text tone waking me up. What time is it? Looking at my clock, I see that it has just gone past midnight. Thinking who the hell could be messaging me at this time, I looked at my phone to see a Jamie’s name on my display.

Please come down. I need you for something X

You’ve got to be kidding me! I best go down otherwise he will never leave. I picked up my cream cardigan that was on my chair and headed downstairs, startling the dog.

“Sorry boy. Go back to bed.”

I picked up my keys from the sideboard and unlocked the door.

“What do you want Jamie?” I asked as I opened the door.

“This!” he whispered grabbing my waist and giving me the most passionate kiss ever.

“Jamie! You’re drunk. Go home!”

With no hesitation he turned around and walked away. I closed the door, falling onto the floor with my back against the door.

“Sis?”

“Nick! What are you doing up?”

“I heard whispers. Are you okay?”

“Not really.”

“Jamie?”

“Yeah. I don’t know what to do. I really love Mark, but I have stronger feelings for Jamie. The downfall is that Jamie just seems to be messing me about. He says he wants space but within hours, he’s coming here saying how much he likes me and kisses me. He’s giving me too many mixed signals.”

“You need space. Stay away from him until he knows what he wants. I’m not letting him mess you about. I know what he’s like. He’ll get in your head and mess your life up if he’s unsure. Just keep your mind on Mark. At least you know he won’t mess you around.”

“Thanks Nick,” I said standing up to hug him.

“Now dry those tears and get some rest.”

“Night.”

“Night”

***

A few months had passed since that eventful night with Jamie. I’ve landed myself in a new job as a P.A for an agent in entertainment for celebrities. It is the best job I have ever been in. One day I think I would like to learn and be an agent myself. By having this new job, it helps me a lot with my situation with Jamie as I’m not around him all the time anymore. He has been true to his word and has left me alone. I’ve not heard or seen him since I have left the shop. We’ve had brilliant news about Nathan. He’s getting married to Zoe so we have a fancy-dress engagement party to go to in two weeks. So party shopping for me and Gemma. I’m also off for a meal with Mark today. He said he’s got something to ask me, whatever that means. I rush home after work to get ready, best look presentable, you never know what he’s going to ask. As seven he arrived to pick me up.

“Right Gem, I’m off. If you or Nick needs me just give me a call.”

“Keira, we will be fine. We’re just going to sit here, watch a film and pig out on junk food. Don’t worry. He’s perfectly fine now.”

“I know but I’ll always worry about him, he’s my brother.”

“I know. Go otherwise you’ll never leave. Have fun.”

“Thanks. Bye.”

I got in Mark’s care and gave him a peck on the cheek before he drove off.

“Where are you taking me then?”

“Somewhere special.”

“You know I hate surprises.”

“Tough. I want this to be special.”

“Okay.”

We only drove for twenty minutes when we arrived at the marina. We got out of the car and headed towards a massive yacht, all lit up with white fairy lights and a decking set up with a table for us to eat on.

“Mark, this is amazing. You set all this up on your own?”

“Well, I may have had some help from Gemma.”

“You! I’ll be having words with her. Keeping this from me! She’s usually a blabber mouth.”

“Climb aboard madam,” he said reaching out his hand for me to hold to get onto the yacht.

“Wow!”

“You love?”

“Absolutely.”

“Good. Let’s eat.”

We had a delicious first and main course, my favourites of course. We talked about how Nick was doing, how George and Gemma’s relationship was doing and general ‘what’s going on’.

“How’s work?” I asked eating my soufflé.

“Well...that’s why I got you here. They’re sending me to Spain for a year. If I don’t go then the business could be in jeopardy.”

“Oh…”

“That’s why I wanted to ask you to come with me. What we have is special and I can see us going far. I think this new start is exactly what we need.”

“Wow. Mark, that’s a big ask. What about my family and friends? Work? Nick? Nick still needs me. When are you going?”

“In a week.”

“Wow! That soon?”

“Look, I’m not asking for you to come straight away with me. I need to sort things out in Spain first and get settled in myself.”

“I don’t know. I’ll have to think it over.”

“Is this because of Jamie?”

“No it’s not! I’ve told you, I haven’t spoken to him in months. It’s a big ask for me to leave everything and everyone behind.”

“Okay. I get it. Take your time. I’m leaving on Friday. If I don’t get an answer before then, then I’ll know.”

“I will promise you that I will contact you no matter what about it. Besides, I’m going to want to spend as much time with you before you leave, whether I decided to come with you or not.”

“Seems fair.”

“Let’s go for a walk before I go home. I can think things through before I get a grilling from Gemma.”

“Yeah, sure. Come on,” he said putting his arm around me.

It was a nice walk along the marina but my head was all over the place. I don’t think I can go with him. My life is here. Besides, I’ve only been going out with him for a year. What if it still doesn’t work out? I just can’t take the risk. Not yet.

“Hey you okay?”

“Yeah. Just thinking.”

“You made your mind up?”

“I think I have. You’re not going to like it.”

“Oh,” he said looking sad.

“Look, it’s a great opportunity for you but I can’t be there for you. My life is here and I’m not ready to give that up yet. Maybe in a few year’s time when my career has gotten a little further, just not right now. I’d still like to keep in touch with you and of course spend the rest of the week with you, if you’d let me?”

“As great as that sounds, I don’t think we should. I’d just be thinking about saying bye to you all week and not seeing you for a while. I do want to stay in touch though, if that’s okay with you?”

“Yeah, I’d like that and I understand what you mean.”

“Right, let’s get you home.”

The journey seemed a lot longer on the way home. All through the car ride I was thinking of how to say goodbye. A kiss? A hug? A wave? Or a handshake? I just don’t know.

“Well, I guess this is goodbye then?”

“Yeah, I guess so. Look, anytime you want to speak, don’t hesitate to phone me, even if it’s just because you’re home sick.”

“I’ll keep you to that promise.”

“Be safe and I hope you get it sorted.”

“Bye Keira,” he said leaning in for a kiss.

I just couldn’t help but burst into tears.

“Hey! It’s not a final farewell. I will be visiting. Besides, it’s only a year.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

I gave him the biggest hug I could give him and left to go inside.

“Keira! What’s the matter?”

“Oh Nick! I think I’ve made a mistake.”

I told Nick everything, including some things he didn’t know about me and Jamie.

“Well, it is your choice sis. You wouldn’t have rejected him if you thought you was ready for a big thing like that with him. I get where you’re coming from. You need time to live your life for a bit before settling down properly. You’re still young in a way,” he said the last bit under his breath.

“Thanks!” I said, hitting his arm. “Thanks for listening though Nick. I wouldn’t know what to do if I didn’t have you.”

“That’s what big brothers are for.”

I went upstairs to my bed. I just need some rest. I can tell Gemma everything in the morning, which is exactly what I did.

“Well, we will have to find you the sexiest outfit for next week then. You never know. You might meet the man of your dreams at Nathan and Zoe’s party.”

“I doubt that very much. This is Nathan’s friends after all. Anyway, it would be a little too soon, don’t you think?”

“No. You’ve got to live your life. That’s what you said to Mark wasn’t it? Anyway, I’m sure he’ll find someone in Spain in no time whatsoever.”

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right. Let’s get on it then.”

“That’s my girl!”

We both got ready and headed towards the circle. It’s the greatest place to find anything for a party. Whether it’s for an outfit, accessories, decorations or anything unique, it’s all in one place. We must have been hunting for costumes for hours. My legs were starting to hurt. Last shop in the circle to try. As soon as I walked into sparkles, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. It was the most beautiful dress I had ever seen.

“That’s it.”

“What’s it?”

“That outfit. That’s the one I want.”

“Oh wow. I see what you mean now. That’s so you. You should totally get it.”

“I’m going to find someone to buy it before someone else snatches it up.”

I finally found someone and bought the outfit. It’s a schoolgirl outfit. A white tie front cropped top and a high waisted plaid skirt with attached suspenders. I had to buy the stocking separate but I didn’t mind. I am so excited now for the party. Gemma found a beautiful tiara to go with it. And of course for Gemma, a sexy army outfit.

“We are totally going to take over the party,” she grinned, high-fiving me.

We went home and rested up ready for work in the morning. It has been one hell of a weekend.