This Borrowed Soul

I breathe a sigh of relief as I settle into my new body. The vessel I was currently in put up a fight. That was refreshing. Usually, there was never any resistance to begin with, they were always vulnerable, weak, with little or no will to live. This one had been different. She had fought until the very end. And somehow, that made taking her body feel almost refreshing. I flex my fingers, watching the sunlight spill across my skin. Warm. I bring my hands closer to the window, letting the rays dance over my palms. The sensation is strange. Pleasant, almost. I snuff out the last flicker of her soul before it can surface again. Silence settles inside me. Good. I didn’t need her. I have her body. Her memories. Her life. That is more than enough. I turn toward the floor length mirror leaning against the wall and finally take in my new appearance. Well. She wasn’t bad. Not bad at all. Long, straight legs seemed to stretch forever beneath me. My skin was smooth and pale, almost porcelain beneath the morning light. I run my hands over my arms, fascinated by how real everything feels. Every body has its own peculiarities. Some are weak. Some are fragile. Some are forgettable. This one? This one is beautiful. Strong. I tilt my head and study my reflection. Then I see them. My eyes. I smile. They are the only thing that never changes. No matter whose body I take. No matter how tall, short, old, young, beautiful, or plain the vessel is. They remain the same. Blue. Clear. Bright crystal blue. Almost unnatural. I lean closer to the mirror. “Still me.” My fingers trace the curve of my cheek before sliding down to my neck. I turn sideways, studying the body properly. Her curves aren’t dramatic, but they’re enough. I can work with this. A small smile touches my lips. Then I notice the walls. Photographs. Everywhere. I slowly turn around. Pictures are glued, pinned, and taped across almost every available space. Some are individual portraits. Others are groups of people smiling into the camera. Friends. Family. Schoolmates. People who clearly matter to her. I stare at one photograph for several seconds. Blue, because apparently that is what everyone calls her, is standing in the middle of a group of girls, laughing with her head thrown backward. She looks happy. Too happy. I sigh. “That won’t do.” I don’t need this many attachments. Attachments are dangerous. They make people weak. They make people careless. And, most importantly, they make people difficult to get rid of. A sharp knock sounds against the door. I freeze. “Blue, honey?” A woman’s voice. Warm. Gentle. My head tilts. “Get downstairs for breakfast.” I close my eyes. Memory rushes through me. Not mine. Hers. Her mother. Her voice. Her smile. The way she hugs Blue when she’s upset. The way she kisses her forehead before bed. I swallow. Interesting. I allow the memories to settle deeper. Names. Faces. Places. School. Friends. Family. Another knock. “Blue?” “I don’t want to.” The words leave my mouth before I can stop them. I cringe. My voice. Whiny. The realization makes my stomach twist. She sounds unbearable. There is a pause outside. Then a deeper voice answers. “Princess, the portal for Shifter Academy leaves today. I’d be damned if I don’t spend all the time I can get with you.” My eyebrows rise. Father. Another wave of memories. Him carrying her on his shoulders when she was little. Him teaching her how to ride a bike. I stare at the door. “Fine.” “That’s my girl.” His footsteps disappear down the hallway. I stare at myself in the mirror again. Apparently, Blue is loved. Very loved. That could become a problem. But for now, I’m hungry. And if I’m going to be trapped in this body, I might as well enjoy everything it has to offer. I leave the bedroom. The moment I step into the hallway, memories guide my feet automatically. Left. Stairs. Dining room. I don’t even have to think. It’s almost unsettling how easily it is settling into her life. I reach the bottom of the stairs and enter the dining room. My mother looks up first. She smiles. Then her expression changes. “Blue?” I pause. “What?” She narrows her eyes. “Your eyes.” My hand instinctively rises to my face. She stands. “Oh, sweetheart.” She walks toward me, taking my face between her hands. “They look so bright today.” My stomach tightens. I force myself to smile. “Do they?” “They’re beautiful.” Her thumb brushes beneath my eye. “They’ve always been beautiful, but today they’re almost glowing.” I say nothing. She smiles with relief. “I was worried the excitement would make you sick. You barely slept last night.” Right. The academy. I remember. Blue had spent the entire night tossing around in bed, too excited to sleep. Her mother pulls me into a hug. For a second, I don’t move. I don’t know what to do. No one has hugged me like this in a very long time. Too long. Then I remember. Blue hugs back. So I do. Her mother squeezes tighter. “I’m going to miss you so much.” I stare over her shoulder. Something unfamiliar twists inside my chest. I don’t like it. I push it away. Her father clears his throat from the table. “If you two keep hugging like that, we’ll never get breakfast.” Mother releases me and wipes beneath her eyes. “Sit.” I sit. Breakfast is already spread across the table. Eggs. Toast. Fruit. Pancakes. I stare at the food. Then I realize something. I can’t remember the last time I ate simply because I wanted to. Interesting. I pick up a fork. Her father watches me. “What?” “Nothing.” He smiles. “You’re quiet.” “I’m hungry.” He laughs. “That sounds more like my daughter.” Mother places another pancake on my plate. “Eat. You’re going to need your strength.” “For what?” Both of them stare at me. I blink. Then I remember. “The academy.” “Exactly.” Father leans back. “You’re going to love it.” “I’m sure.” “You’ll meet so many people.” My fork pauses. People. I glance toward my mother. She beams. “Friends, Blue. You’ll make friends.” I force a smile. “Maybe.” Father laughs. “Maybe? You’ve been talking about this academy for months.” “I know.” “You were practically counting down the days.” I look down at my plate. Was I? No. Blue was. The distinction matters. But they don’t know that. They keep talking. About classes. The dormitories. The academy rules. How dangerous the forests surrounding the school can be. How I should never wander beyond the marked boundaries. How I should call every evening. Mother repeats herself at least three times. Father teases her for worrying too much. She tells him he isn’t worried enough. I listen. I eat. And, strangely, I don’t hate it. There’s something almost comforting about them. Their little arguments. The way her father steals food from her mother’s plate. The way Mother slaps his hand away. The way they both keep looking at me as though I’m the most precious thing in the room. I don’t understand it. I don’t understand how someone can love another person so completely. Without wanting anything in return. I’ve never had that. Maybe that’s why I don’t know what to do with it. Mother reaches across the table and squeezes my hand. “I’m so proud of you.” I look at her. “For getting into the academy?” “For everything.” Her smile softens. “You’ve worked so hard.” I stare at her fingers around mine. For one terrifying moment, I feel something. Not guilt. Not affection. Something dangerously close to belonging. I pull my hand away. “I should finish packing.” Father nods. “Your bags are already downstairs.” I stand. “Of course they are.” He grins. “Your mother packed half your room.” “I packed what was necessary.” Mother scoffs. “You packed three sets of suitcases.” “They were necessary.” “For a school?” “Yes.” Father laughs. I find myself smiling. A real smile. Not Blue’s. Mine. And that realization stops me. I look around the room. At the people who love this girl. At the life she had built. A life I stole. But maybe… Maybe I don’t have to destroy it. Maybe I can simply make it mine. I walk toward the stairs. Halfway up, I stop. I glance back. Mother is already arguing with Father about whether I’ve eaten enough. He is laughing. She is smiling. And for the first time in longer than I care to remember, I don’t feel like running. I don’t know what the Shifter Academy will bring. I don’t know who I’ll meet. But I know one thing. This life belongs to me now. No more running. No more being a weapon in someone else’s hands. This time, I get to choose. I am Blue. And I’m living life for myself this time.