THE JULIEN PROJECT

16

With a beep, the door to my building unlocks. Phew, I’m finally home after spending nearly an hour in traffic and all that to do ten kilometres. It’s decided, starting tomorrow, I’ll take public transport. You can’t even say that I had fun driving my sporty and elegant car, I couldn't open up the engine, I’m frustrated and drained.

On my front door, I find a post-it with some writing from another time: Julien, I prepared a beef stew. I put some aside for you if you want. Come and get it when you get back. Odette

I’m not particularly excited about eating a beef stew cooked by an eighty-year-old woman, but I admit feeling enormous laziness at the thought of making myself something to eat. This granny is an angel. I knock on her door. Odette opens the door to me immediately. She’s dressed in a soft bathrobe that instantly makes me want to hug her. Rest assured; I’m not doing anything. She seems ready to go to bed.

“Ah, good evening, Julien. I suspected it was you.”

“Good evening, Odette. I found your note on the door. It’s nice to have thought of me.”

“You’re welcome, my dear. This pleases me. Did you have a nice day?” she said, handing me my ration of still hot beef stew in a glass jar.

My day goes by in my head. So much has happened. Was it a good day or not?

Odette is hanging on my words, waiting for an answer.

“Well, let’s say it was a busy day and I wasn’t bored. And you?”

“Oh, nothing special for an old lady like me. I’m not suggesting you come in, it’s going to be time for my soap opera. This is the last episode of the Monday saga; I don’t want to miss a thing.”

“No problem, anyway, I’m exhausted, I’ll go home, eat this wonderful meal and fall asleep very quickly.”

“Tomorrow’s another day!” she said to me.

“Yes, perfectly. Tomorrow’s another day. Thanks, Odette. Have a good evening.”

“Goodbye, my little one.”

The fifteen meters which separate me from my door seem to me to be kilometres. Suddenly I have heavy legs. And not just the legs, my chest is tight, I just feel weird.

Finally, home. I feel good in this apartment. My mother’s words come back to me and I quickly go to my room to check if they are justified. I get on all fours to look under my bed, unmade, by the way.

She was right. Two torn foil packets lie under the bed. These are surely the result of my antics with Samantha. There’s also a naughty magazine and a roll of toilet paper. Yuck. I put it all in the trash. How can I remember nothing? So, I’ve already made love to a woman, even twice, and I don’t remember. It exhausts me! Truly.

I look around as I get rid of my clothes. I notice a certain carelessness. If I found my apartment spotless twenty-four hours ago, I must admit that some things are no longer in their original place. Dirty clothes are strewn on the floor at the very foot of the laundry tub, the toothpaste cap isn’t where it should be, the mirror is splashed with water and surely other things, and small white traces of limestone are starting to appear on the walls of the shower. Well, it was time for… What’s her name again? Ah, yes… Filomena! Well, it was about time she came. She’ll have plenty to do tomorrow.

I run my playlist from my phone and wallow miserably on my couch. Without even pouring it on a plate, I eat the still lukewarm stew directly in its jar. I watch TV without really listening to it and let my mind wander as I stare at the screen.

My eyes are blinking. I can feel the niche of sleep come up and although it’s before ten o’clock, I head to the bathroom for the last flush before bed. I took the habit of sitting down to avoid awkward projections. The little red notebook is eyeing me. I take it and write:

In the Body of a Man - Day 3:

15 / A man is capable of repelling advances.

16 / A man doesn’t know how to identify a girl who’s flirting with him.

17 / A man always has spare things in the trunk of his car in case...

18 / A man goes straight to the point when shopping.

19 / A man is efficient at work.

20 / A man who has a nice car feels stronger, more… male.

21 / A man is shy when it comes to talking about feelings.

22 / A man needs more sleep than a woman.

I’m sure of it because this first day in the shoes of a businessman has exhausted me. I fall from fatigue. My eyes no longer stay open. See you tomorrow, hoping that...