I Returned To Kill Monsters, And Created The Worst One

Elara Veyne I knew something was wrong when Sahri stopped singing. She never stayed silent for long. She sang while I worked, while I tried to sleep, and especially when she wanted something. She stole bread from my plate, pulled my hair when I ignored her, and seemed to consider it a personal duty to complain whenever I spent too many hours in front of the cauldrons. That night, however, she remained still on my shoulder. Her small claws were hooked into the fabric of my dress, and her golden eyes watched the darkness of the garden as if she also knew we should not be there. “I know,” I murmured, stroking her white feathers. “I’m scared too.” The word almost made me laugh. Fear. After so many years imprisoned inside that house, I should have learned to live with it. I took another step and reached the garden. The damp grass sank beneath my feet. I stopped. For a few seconds, I even forgot to breathe. Grass. I couldn’t remember the last time I had stepped on it. For the past few years, my world had been reduced to the Caldris’ underground laboratory, the locked room where they let me sleep, and the corridors through which I was escorted whenever they needed me somewhere else. Windows with bars. Doors locked from the outside. Guards. And the collar. Always the collar. I raised my face. The sky was above me. Whole. Without iron cutting across my view. Something so simple, yet it made my eyes sting. Julian had finally done it. He had really left the back door open. For months, we had planned it in whispers. He had figured out the guards’ rotation, stolen a key, set aside some money, and promised to get two horses. There was even a ship leaving the port before dawn. All I had to do was cross the garden. Then the wall. Then keep walking until that house disappeared behind me. My heart was beating so hard it hurt. Not because I was running. My body no longer had the strength for that. Years of producing potions with my mana for the Caldris Alchemical Consortium had taken their toll. When they adopted me, they said my ability was a blessing. I had believed it too. I could improve medicinal herbs, strengthen potions that were supposed to be ordinary, remove impurities from mixtures, and make certain preparations achieve results that even the family’s best alchemists could not reproduce. Back then, I felt special. It didn’t take me long to understand what being special meant to the Caldris. More orders. More hours in front of the cauldrons. More blood running from my nose. More times waking up on the floor without remembering when I had passed out. The better the potion, the worse I became. A blessing for them. A curse for me. The metal collar tightened around my neck as I continued walking, rubbing against the permanently wounded skin beneath it. Gideon said it was necessary because I was too ungrateful to understand the good fortune I had been given. A family. A roof. A surname. Which was kind of funny, because I never knew daughters needed permission to leave their own rooms. Sahri pecked at a strand of my hair, pulling me from my thoughts. I wiped my face with my hand and only then realized I was crying. “I’m... not crying.” She made a low sound, clearly disagreeing. “You’re a bird... Your opinion doesn’t count.” I teased her and kept walking. The old tree near the wall emerged from the shadows. I looked around desperately. Julian was supposed to be there. For a moment, I could even imagine it. The open gate. The horses. The port. Maybe a city where no one knew the Caldris name. My heart sped up in a ridiculous way. After everything, there was still a part of me stupid enough to believe that night would end well. “Julian?” I whispered a little louder. A lantern lit up. Gideon Caldris was standing beneath the tree. Sabine stood a few steps behind him, impeccably dressed despite the hour. Livia was beside her mother. Two guards blocked the path to the wall. And Julian... was there too. I didn’t need to ask what had happened. He was pale and kept his eyes fixed on the ground. When he finally looked at me, he held my gaze for less than a second. Something inside me became strangely quiet. “How much?” I asked. Julian raised his head. “Elara...” “How much did they pay you?” Sabine let out an irritated sigh. “Don’t be dramatic.” I looked at her. For years, Sabine had taught me that there were things worse than cruel people. And cruel people who kept speaking politely were among them. “I wasn’t talking to y...” I said, looking directly at her. The pain came before I could finish the sentence. The collar ignited around my neck, and the shock tore through my spine. My legs gave out. My hands struck the damp earth, and for a few seconds, breathing seemed impossible. I knew that pain far too well to waste strength screaming. Gideon waited until I lifted my face. “After so many years, you still insist on this.” “On disobeying?” I replied between groans, still in pain. His gaze dropped to my mouth. My body remembered before my mind did. The blood, the taste of metal. Entire days without being able to swallow. Flesh slowly rebuilding itself where it should never have been torn away. He had ripped out my tongue, but I used my blessing when they weren’t watching, and it had grown back. The memory of the hell I had endured in that house was carved into me, deep in my soul. “On speaking,” he replied, making sure I remembered. Julian stepped forward. “That’s enough. You don’t need to hurt her anymore.” I laughed. Not because it was funny. Maybe my body simply no longer knew what to do with so many terrible things happening at once. “Now you’re worried?” He closed his eyes. I knew Julian. I knew the way he clenched his jaw when he was trying not to cry, the way he rubbed his thumb against his index finger when he was nervous, and the small crease between his eyebrows that appeared whenever he lied. It was there. “Elara, I can explain.” “Don’t.” He stopped. “What?” “Don’t ruin your betrayal with a bad excuse. At least let me believe you were paid well.” His face crumbled. That still almost hurt me. That was when I noticed the vial in Livia’s hands. A transparent crystal containing golden liquid, with a faint light pulsing inside. My stomach clenched violently. I knew that color. I knew the way that mana moved, the way small lines formed against the glass before disappearing. I knew because that should have been impossible without me. It was my mana, my blessing. “Where did you get that?” Livia smiled. “I made it myself.” I looked at her. Then at Gideon. He had that expression I hated. Satisfaction. The same expression he wore whenever a new formula finally produced results. “No...” I murmured. “Yes. Finally.” Livia touched her fingers to the vial, and the glow intensified. That mana made my skin tingle. It was far too familiar. “Finally, we no longer need to depend on you,” Sabine said. My chest tightened. So that was it... Years locked inside a laboratory. Years being drained until I passed out to enrich the Caldris name. And now they had found a replacement. Sahri spread her wings on my shoulder when she saw the guards take a step forward. I felt her small body tense. “Stay here...” But Sahri never obeyed me when she should have. The white bird flew toward Livia before I could hold her back. There was a scream, hands raised. Feathers. The reflection of a sword being drawn from its sheath. “Sahri!” The strike was fast. For a second, all I saw was white. Then red. Sahri fell onto the grass. The garden disappeared. I got up with what strength I had, ran to her, and fell to my knees. I picked up that tiny body with both hands. Her feathers were still warm. There was too much blood for something so small. “Sahri?” No answer. I ran my thumb over her head. “Hey... Please...” My chest began to hurt in a way the collar had never managed to reproduce. I remembered much smaller hands holding that same bird years earlier. I had found her fallen near the Church gardens, cold, motionless, so far from the place where they said creatures like her belonged. By then, I had already seen too many things die. So I cried. “Please... I don’t want to lose anyone else...” And then she breathed. For years, I believed that had been a miracle. Maybe even an answer. Proof that, somewhere, something still cared about me. Now I wondered if the gods simply had an especially cruel sense of humor. Someone grabbed me by the arms. I clung to Sahri. “Elara,” Julian whispered. I looked at him with so much anger. There was guilt on his face. But it was the pity that made me hate him. I didn’t want his pity. I didn’t want his damn tears. I didn’t want anyone in that garden to dare pretend that this hurt them too. “You served us very well,” Gideon said. I raised my eyes. “Go to hell.” The corner of his mouth almost moved. “Maybe.” Then suddenly I felt something cold against my chest. I didn’t understand immediately. Then came the pressure. The heat. I looked down and saw blood spreading across my dress, cascading downward. I froze. It was strange. I had imagined dying would be something grand. But in truth, my legs simply lost their strength. I fell onto my side, still holding Sahri. Above me, the sky was clear. So beautiful. It seemed offensive. After so many years without seeing it without bars, I was finally there. Who would have thought I needed to die to be able to see it? The voices became distant. Sabine was saying something. Livia seemed nervous. Julian was crying. I wanted to tell him to shut up, but I couldn’t anymore. My fingers began to loosen around the white feathers. This time, I wasn’t afraid. I felt... anger. An anger so great that for a few seconds it seemed larger than death itself. I wanted so badly to live. Not because I still believed something good was waiting for me. I just wanted time. Enough time to watch Gideon Caldris lose everything, to make Sabine understand what it meant to beg. Enough time to discover what Livia had done. To look Julian in the eyes and ask again how much I had been worth. I closed my eyes. If there was any god listening, I had only one last request. I didn’t want salvation. I wanted another chance. “Elara Veyne?” I opened my eyes so forcefully that the light made me recoil. My hand immediately flew to my chest. There was no wound. Then I touched my neck. No metal. No dried blood or wounds. No torn skin. I breathed quickly and looked at my own hands. Clean. Small. Healthy. I brought my fingers to my mouth and touched my tongue, as if I needed to confirm it was still there. “Elara?” I turned my head. The pale walls. The tall windows. The altar. The enormous transparent crystal on a pedestal. I knew this place. The evaluation room of the Church of the First Light. My stomach turned. I stood up too quickly and knocked over the chair. “For Light’s sake!” complained the sister in charge of the test. “What has gotten into you, girl?” Girl. I looked at the narrow mirror beside the wall. Fifteen years old. The face reflected before me still had full cheeks. My black hair was tied back carelessly. There were no deep dark circles, scars, or that thinness that made my ribs show beneath my dress. I was alive. I didn’t know how. I didn’t know why. Then a bell rang outside. Soon after, I heard wheels over the courtyard stones. My body recognized the sound before I reached the window. A black carriage was passing through the Church gates. The golden crest on its side looked exactly as I remembered. Caldris. The first time I saw that carriage, I had almost cried with happiness. A wealthy family was interested in the orphans who would be evaluated that day. I had thought that if I showed everything I could do, maybe someone would finally choose me. Maybe I would get a home. A surname. A family. I watched Gideon Caldris step out of the carriage. Younger. Elegant. Alive. And still with no idea who I was. Behind me, the sister cleared her throat. “Elara, come. It’s time for us to discover what blessing the Light has granted you.” I looked at the crystal. Then at Gideon. A slow smile appeared on my lips. In my first life, I did everything I could to make that family choose me. This time, I would do exactly the opposite. They didn’t need to know who I was. Not yet. Because if the gods had really given me those years back, I had no intention of wasting them trying to find happiness. I only needed enough time to make them fall.