When I Had Enough, I Stopped Loving Him

Before I got the chance to end things myself the next morning, two bold lines popped up on my pregnancy test. I sank down onto the bathroom floor, clutching the test stick and zoning out for ages. Mom had been right; my mind really did work sluggishly. Others could sort out messy troubles in seconds, yet I always needed ages to think everything through. Still, I could count dates perfectly well. Ezra Goode had stumbled home drunk from his business trip last month, pulled me tight in his arms and mumbled over and over, "Nina, I'm so sorry." Back then, I had no clue what he was apologizing for. Looking back now, he'd already been plotting how to take care of Talia Lynn. Meanwhile, I'd foolishly wondered if his guilt came from forgetting our anniversary. I wrapped the pregnancy test in three layers of tissue and tucked it at the very bottom of my suitcase. I'd originally planned to break the news to him in front of everyone at the engagement dinner, having practiced my lines countless times: "Ezra, we're having a baby. Ezra, you're gonna be a dad." But there would be no engagement party anymore. In its place stood his upcoming wedding to Talia. When I headed downstairs, Mom was making oatmeal in the kitchen. She heaved a heavy sigh the second she spotted me. "You look worn out. Have you been crying?" "No." She stared at me with heartache in her eyes. "I warned you ages ago Ezra can't be trusted, but you clung to him stubbornly and refused to listen no matter how hard I tried to talk you out of it." I said nothing and sat down to have a spoonful of oatmeal. My phone rang; it was Ezra. "Did you move back to your folks' place yet?" "Mhm." "What'd you tell the family?" "I told them I screwed everything up." There was a brief pause on the line. "Nina... don't take all this to heart. Once Talia's mental health stabilizes, I'll give you a proper resolution. Just trust me." I held my bowl and stayed silent for so long that he called my name repeatedly from the other end. "Nina? Nina? You still there?" "I'm here." Once I hung up, I got up to wash the dishes. I left the faucet running, letting my hands soak in icy tap water while I stared blankly at a c***k running across one bowl. ***** My aunt dropped by that afternoon. The second she walked in, she grabbed my hands and immediately started chewing me out. "Nina Shinn, what on earth were you thinking? Landing someone from the Goode family is a stroke of luck most women could only dream of. "Your mom says you threw this great match away out of stupidity? What reckless nonsense did you pull? Once they call off this engagement, he'll drop you entirely. "You're already twenty-five. Keep dragging your feet and you'll end up an old maid with no suitors left." I parted my lips to argue, but Ezra's words echoed in my head: keep all unpleasant rumors away from Talia. Which meant every fault had to land on me. I was the one who'd ruined everything. I kept my head bowed and endured her whole rant without a single retort. After my aunt left, Mom lingered by the doorway and sighed once more. "Can you finally tell me the truth, baby?" "Mom, this whole mess is my fault." ***** That night, I tossed and turned in bed, unable to fall asleep. I unlocked my phone and stumbled across a new post on Ezra's social media. In the photo, Talia wore a loose floral sundress and linked her arm through his, smiling softly. His only caption was a single sun emoji, no written words at all, yet the comment section was flooded with messages. A: [Are you two official now?] B: [You make such a gorgeous pair!] C: [Is this your relationship announcement?] Ezra never replied to any of the comments, nor did he delete the post. I stared at the photo for a long time. The gray overcoat he wore was the exact one I'd helped him pick out at the mall last year. He'd turned around before the fitting room mirror and asked how it looked on him. It took me a moment before I answered, "It looks great on you." He grinned and replied, "Anything you approve of has to be great. You've never once lied to me." It was true; I'd always hated lying. But I'd learned something new lately: how to hide the truth deep down inside. I'd never told anyone I was pregnant with his baby. I'd also never mentioned how my hands shook nonstop the second I saw that social media picture.