Love Me Accordingly

‘’Mom! How many times do I have to tell you that I have no interest in marrying the Salvatoree’s heir?’’ I exclaimed at my mom. Here we go again at this phase of insisting to marry Theodore Aiden. Hindi ko na mabilang na beses ang pag uusap na ito. Marrying Theo is like entering hell with a heavy heart. I really can’t imagine my life in the future marrying someone I don’t love. But then she keeps on pressuring me yet I am persistent to say NO. “But honey you have to, it is not as if our company is experiencing debts but Theo talks to me. He wants to pursue you and you know that I can’t say no, kaibigan natin ang pamilya nila.” The hell I care! Kaibigan ninyo ang pamilya nila not me. Para namang hindi ko alam na they just befriend us because of our families wealth. Besides, as if you can say NO, of course you can, it is just that you don’t want to embarrass yourself. “Really mom? Stop pressuring me about this. Besides, a no is a no not a yes. I do not want to talk about this anymore. Prohibit yourself from talking about this matter with me. I am not interested and you cannot change my decision. I just hope you consider that.” My mom look at me with disbelief and disappointment pero nagawa ko pa rin siyang iwanan sa kung saan kami nagkasagutan. Minsan hindi ko rin maintindihan ang sarili ko, well of course Theo is Theo I mean he is handsome I can’t deny that fact. He has that perfectly defined nose like that of a Greek, piercing brown eyes, thin lips and a prominent jaw. He has this undercut type of hair which makes him more attractive yet still I can’t find myself attracted to him. He has manners and is a family oriented man. Matalino, that's why he can’t accept rejection. He is perfect and pleasing to the eyes siya yung tipo ng lalaki na unang tingin mo palang ay mapapabalik ka agad ng tingin and that you cannot take off your eyes on him. Hindi rin naman siya nakakasawang tingnan pero nauumay ako sa presensya niya. I can say that I observe Theo’s mannerism but it is not enough to love him. He makes an effort for me but I still can’t find myself loving him. I heard a knocking at my door and guessed it. I just knew that it was my dad. Alam kong pagsasabihan na naman niya ako about what happened earlier but I couldn’t care more. ‘’That’s open’’ I see my dad walking towards my direction. I am lying on my bed drained. “Your mom told me everything sweetheart. She told me how badly you don’t want to marry Aiden.” I didn’t say a word. I just listen to him, looking at the room's ceiling. At my peripheral, I can see that my dad is looking at me but I push myself not to look back at him. “Lucy.” he called for my attention. “Lucy matanda kana. For pete's sake, you’re already at your 25 yet you don't have plans on settling down and have your own family” He just kept on talking and I just listened still not looking at him. “Your mom is just doing you a favor. Nag aalala lang rin ang mama mo sa’yo na baka tumanda kang dalaga at soon enough no one's gonna take care of you. Hindi naman kami laging nandito ng mama mo for you.” This time I looked up at him. “Aiden is a good man. He can surely take care of you. Ano pa bang hinahanap mo? He is handsome, matalino, family and goal-oriented man and a C.E.O of his own company. In short he has everything” Totoo naman yun. Theo has everything but you can’t still blame me if I can’t feel the love towards him. “Dad, I know you and Mom are just concern about my well-being and my future pero sa’yo na rin nanggaling na matanda na ako. I can make my own decisions and can separate right from wrong. Besides, I can’t marry Theo. He is not the love of my life plus I couldn’t imagine myself waking up beside him. Please let me have my freedom to choose whom I want to marry and spend my life with. Don’t worry much about me, I can take good care of myself.” Dad took a deep breath as if he is accepting defeat and is facing betrayal. I cannot blame my Dad for acting this kind of way. I am their only child and they just want the best for me. They love and raise a woman that is independent that is why I am not afraid of the fact of being alone in this world if ever my parent’s will leave me here and join our Almighty. I am not saying that because I want them dead of course not. No one wants to be left behind but that’s the reality we should be ready for. I don’t care about Theo’s wealth because I have mine. I am not after his money or what because I can generate wealth. Matalino akong tao and I know myself more than anyone in this world. I know to myself that I am not gonna settle if I am not ready nor not really loving that person. Love is a different walk in life. It is a whole different story. It is diverse and deep. It comes with a different variety of colors be it black, white, red, yellow or a color of a rainbow. No one really knows the real definition of it nor our parents or our ancestors. We felt the love in a whole lot of different ways. Some may believe that love is feeling the butterfly in your stomach or feeling of safety towards that person. Still, we really don’t know love or is it really love or affection? Lust? Infatuation? Or what-so-ever you called it. After that short talk with dad he left my room na walang nagawa. He gave up insisting that I should settle down and have my own family because he knows that once I give my decision, there is no way of taking it back or changing it. In short I only have one word. I woke up before my alarm clock. Not really, the truth is I didn’t sleep last night. My brain is full of thoughts about specific things talked about yesterday. I head to the shower nag baka sakaling mawala ang mga bagay bagay sa isip ko. I took a cold shower kahit na alas kwatro pa lang ng umaga not minding the coldness it brought to my system. I got the chills but still not enough to remove the thoughts I had last night. As I finished taking my bath I sat near the edge of my bed. I seldomly do this because I had a lot of paperworks to do at my company. Marami pa akong pipirmahan na mga papeles yet nagawa ko pa ring umupo. Hindi ko alam kung bakit iniisip ko parin ito when in fact may mas maraming importante akong dapat isipin but my lazy butt insisted to sit for hours kahit na ang lamig lamig na. I am too preoccupied na hindi ko na namalayang kanina pa pala tumutunog ang alarm clock ko. It’s already 5 o’clock in the morning and maybe that’s enough space to talk with myself. Tumayo ako upang makapag bihis na kasi kanina pa nanlalamig ang balat ko sa lakas ng air conditioner sa kwarto ko. After kong makapag bihis I headed to the stairs and then went on the kitchen para makapag almusal na before starting my day. Our cook prepared some delightful breakfast that is enough to boost the day. Quinoa fruit salad, bacon, sunny side egg, cheesy crusted chicken, cheesy shrimp and adobong salmon were laid in front of me. Before I got to take a slice of a chicken my parents were already greeting our helpers with their genuine smiles. “Good Morning Manang Nelly” said my mom to one of our helpers named Manang Nelly. “Good Morning sweetheart” she said, pertaining to me. I just nod as response then continue what I’m doing with my food. My dad kissed my forehead after saying his good morning to me. I didn’t responded tho hindi naman sa masama pa rin ang loob ko sa kanila for insisting kahapon it is just that my heart is not yet ready to talked to them after nilang ipilit ako sa lalaking hindi ko naman mahal. “Ate Mela, please prepare my things. Ilagay niyo na lang po sa luggage ko.” I said looking at Ate Mela. “Kuya Jon, pakihatid nalang po ng gamit ko sa bahay ko” I guess it is better this way kaysa naman palaging kaming nagsasagutan ni Mommy over this small things. “Ma’am saang bahay po? Doon po sa ba San Agustin?” “Yes po Kuya Jon, doon po sa San Agustin” dalawa kasi ang bahay na ipinatayo ko. One in Claveria in which beach house lang naman iyon and yung isa is sa San Agustin kung saan mas malaki because it is a mansiyon in a 16 hectares land area. Some part of it is a farm kasi may minsan na I just want to eat fresh fruits and vegetables. Hindi naman kalayuan ang Claveria sa San Agustin. Isang oras at kalahati lang ang byahe kaya whenever I want to feel the sea breezes I drove 1 hour and a half to get to my beach house. My parents are looking at me due to my sudden decision. I can see it through my vision even though my eyes are not on them. They knew that I am not coming home later and that doon na ako uuwi sa bahay na ipinagawa ko. Afterall, I just paid a visit to my parents here at Malimuno since I want to see them and that I miss them but the visit was not paid off I guess. Unlike noon na kapag I visit them. We always have a quality time without the thought of pressuring me to settle down. I heaved a sigh before leaving the house without proper goodbye. I drove to the city where one of my restaurant branches are. Hindi ko na iniisip ang mga nangyari kahapon. I am not insensitive, ofcourse I know that my mom was hurt because of my sudden decision. No one expects that, not even me. It is as if it was a last minute decision of mine. “Good Morning Ma’am!” bati ng isang crew sa akin as I entered my restaurant. Everyone here except the guest and yung mga kumakain know me as the owner of the restaurant. This is far from the main branch that I own in Manila but it is still a fancy 5 star restaurant. Maraming mga kilalang personalidad ang kumakain dito even the tycoons na nagbabakasyon sa lugar. That is why I chose this place na pagtatayuan ng isang branch since Claveria is known for its beautiful scenery and a place where people choose to have their vacation. The restaurant is located at the beach front area revealing the sea waves and the pleasing ocean blue color water and the cyan color of the sea water. The white sand beach makes people relax and have their peace of mind while savouring the taste of food that is served to them. It is a two-storey modern minimalist industrial restaurant. Sinadya ko talagang gawing modern para hindi nakakasawang tingnan and hindi boring sa mata ng mga taong kumakain or mga nagpipicture lang. I went on to my office to sign paperwork and accept-decline the offers of the investors. Masakit sa ulo at talaga namang sumasakit ang ulo ko sa tuwing tinitingnan ko ang mga ito but I do not have any choice. I chose this kind of field which is business so kailangan kong panindigan ito. But don’t get me wrong I love what I’m doing and I enjoyed doing this. Maraming gustong mag franchise sa restaurant and mag invest but some of them were declined kasi hindi ko gusto ang offer nila. Some of them offered low cost not thinking that the restaurant they wanted to invest in and franchised is a well-known 5 star restaurant in the country. Natutulog ba sila? Sabihin lang nila at ako mismo ang gigising sa kanila. Nag iinat ako ng marinig kong may kumakatok sa pintuan ng opisina ko. Nagtataka man, I still manage to stand and tingnan kung sino ang tao sa likod ng pinto ko. “Maayong buntag Ma’am Lucy” said one of my waitresses. My eyes laid into her hands as I could see that she was holding something. “Hi. Good Morning as well” I didn’t know her name so I looked at her name tag placed front in his uniform. “Good Morning, Martha. Am I right?” I said to her again, confirming her name. She just smiles at me and gives me a tray that she holds for I do not know how long? “What am I supposed to do with this? Inuutusan mo ba akong mag served?” I looked at her deep in the eyes with an one eyebrow raised into one. Napagtanto niyang mali ang naging approach niya sa akin at binawi ang tray na hawak ko but In did not give it to her bagkus iniwas ko sa kanya ang tray then ask her again for one last time. “Anong gagawin ko sa tray?” malay ko naman kung ano ang gagawin ko dito diba. There is no harm in asking before jumping. “It is past 12 in the afternoon. Your staff told me you haven’t eaten anything. You drained yourself too much overtime to the extent that you forget to eat your lunch.” Isang matangkad na lalaki ang nagsalita behind Martha. He approached Martha and whispered something making the girl turn her back at me. My mood suddenly lifted. Binigay ko sa kanya ang tray and left him at the front door without saying a word. “Cianna you need to at least eat.” Theo said, convincing me to eat. Still holding the tray na sa tingin ko ay pagkain. “Leave Theo. I do not want you to interfere with my life” I said looking intently at his piercing brown eyes. “I won’t leave you with an empty stomach. Eat this or else I’ll feed you” Inirapan ko lang siya and then continue with what I recently did. “Cianna” he called my name. “Cianna, I’m worried” “Cianna, have at least this food that I prepared for you” Hindi ko pa rin siya pinapakinggan at pinapansin. Masyadong puno ang oras ko para atupagin ang lalaking nasa harapan ko ngayon. Umupo siya sa visitors sits ng aking table. Tinitignan niya ako at bawat galaw ng kamay ko sa pagtipa sa laptop ko, paggalaw ng mata ko habang binabasa ang naroon sa mga papeles. He observed it keenly. “Now, stop it already, I’m begging you to stop now and have this food that I prepared for you” he said while holding my hand pertaining to me to stop what I’m doing so that I have my whole attention to me. I give up. Knowing Theo he will not stop lalo na at alam niyang kailangan ko talagang kumain. I stood up and headed to where he put the tray. Binuksan ko iyon upang tingnan ang hinanda niyang pagkain para sa akin. There I saw 3 plates and a grilled pork seasoned with some cheese and pepper, a chicken cordon bleu and an Heirloom Tomato Fattoush. Natatakam ako pero mataas ang pride ko yet nagugutom ako kaya I sit to the table sa kung saan niya nilapag ang mga pagkain. Wala na akong pakialam sa kung ano ang sasabihin ni Theo sa akin. Na kung iniisip niya chosy ako and ma pride dahil kailangan pang pilitin then be it. As if naman may may pakialam ako sa iniisip niya. Ang pangit nga lang niya akong ipaghanda ng pagkain kasi walang tubig. Paano pag nabilaukan ako? Tatawanan niya ako? Pero masarap ang mga pagkaing hinanda niya para sa akin hindi naman kareklamo reklamo iyon. Magsasalita pa sana ako na gusto ko ng tubig when my door opened revealing Theo with a hand of another tray. Ano nanaman ba iyan? At teka kailan siya lumabas? Am I that greedy sa pagkain na hindi ko namalayan na lumabas pala siya? “Here, I brought you water and panghimagas” inilatag niya sa table ang mga dala niyang tubig at panghimagas raw. True enough may panghimagas nga. A soft custard centered and a caramel shell and a creme caramel. He brought me filipino delicacies which are our best dessert here in the restaurant. Foreign people love those kinds of dessert on their plates. After I finished what I ate. Umupo muna ako sa upuan and relax myself a bit before resuming my works. I glance at Theo who is now looking at me straight in the face with his success expression. “Are you winning some sort of a lottery Theo?” I asked him out of curiosity. Anong bang kinatutuwa ng lalaking ito? “If so, give me at least a percent of it so that I could celebrate as well” I added. “Kahit ibigay ko sa’yo buong napanalunan ko but unlucky for you. You can’t give yourself to you” my brows furrowed at his statement. What is this man saying? Is he out of his mind? I really can’t read his thoughts. “Ang mais mo naman po.” inirapan ko nalang siya tapos bumalik na sa lamesa ko to continue my unfinished works. Tiningnan ko ang orasan and notice that it’s past 2 in the afternoon. Ilang oras ba akong kumain? Theo leaves my office with the tray. Ibabalik niya siguro iyon sa kitchen. I just hope he’ll leave my restaurant immediately. I do not want his presence here at my place. To my not so surprised emotion. I have seen Theo enters my office na ganun pa rin ang itsura. In his face evident the happiness he felt for I do not know the reason. “Oh! You’re still here. I thought you left already” “Sana umalis ka na.” I said that with a low voice I just hope he doesn’t hear that. “Aalis na ako, magpapaalam lang ako sa iyo” does he heard me? Hindi naman siguro, but why is his face expression changes? Errr maybe I am just imagining things. Tiningnan ko lang si Theo as he bid his goodbye and left my office. I continued my works at hindi ko na namalayan na gabi na pala. I can’t go home ayaw ko nang mag drive pauwi. Madilim na at delikado na. It’s 9 o’clock in the evening so I decided to sleep here in my office. Pinagawa ko ‘to incase of this kind of situation. I was born ready. Weighing lightly the pros and cons in every plan that I planned. Alam ko namang sarado na ang restaurant. They have already closed it even if they know that I’m still here inside my office. I have my ways regarding sa exit and entrance sa restaurant and for me that’s necessary. Pumasok na ako sa kwarto ko dito sa opisina ko. Nag inat inat muna ako kasi kanina pa talaga nangangalay ang pang upo ko kakaupo. Dumiretso ako sa bath room planning to take a bath or maybe mag lublob sa bathtub. Ang lagkit lagkit na ng katawan ko and I felt very dirty kahit na hindi naman ako masyadong expose sa labas.