bound to the moonlight

17.Amy

"Amy." a sweet happy voice chimed snapping me from my jumbled lurking in a half sleep.

"wh?" I gabbled thickly as the door swung open and emitted Lucy (my eight year old um... foster sister?) She ran across the room beaming her dark pixie hair cut framing her beautiful pink cheeks that looked pinker than usual. She leapt up onto my bed and thrust a bunch of Flowers right under my nose. I twitched my nose as the strong pollen scent irritated it. "What the hell Lucy?" I said groggily,

"A boy just came to see you." She said with the playful sort of enthusiasm only an eight year old could muster.

"A what?" I said still sleepy.

"A boy." She said sweetly. " he was all sweaty and greasy , and covered in mud." she said with a lot less enthusiasm, " I said you were still in bed and he looked relieved actually but he asked me to give you these." she said again thrusting the flowers at me as if they were a sword. I reached up and took the little bouquet mainly so that I could get it out of my face.

"thanks." I said unenthusiastically poking at the flowers which I now realised were lilacs.

"So who was he?" Lucy asked enthusiastically obviously trying again to establish a sort of sisterly thing. But I didn't have a clue how to do that.

"Nobody." I said harshly shoving the lilacs unceremoniously into the waste paper bin next to my bed. "Oh okay." Lucy said awkwardly, "I better go get breakfast." She said looking horrified she all but ran from the room. I reached over and pulled the bunch of battered Lilacs out of the bin and noticed a tiny white envelope nestled amongst them. I pulled it out, it was blank and when I opened it there was just a single sheet of paper covered in half a dozen imprints of previously written notes that had been hastily scribbled out and this note contained just one sentiment:

I'm sorry Amy I wish I had the words to make it right but there aren't any so that's all I can say pathetic I know, but I really am sorry. Matt

On Monday I had to get up an hour earlier than usual. I actually had to set my alarm for once, and despite my early start I found myself having to run to reach school in time and strolled into my tutor room a split second before the bell. I had needed the extra time as over the weekend I had made a decision that I could forgive Matthew but we couldn't just carry on the way we had been as the only reason I had even got rid of him was because he hadn't fully transitioned yet when he did he would be able to harness a lot more power than I had, my strength would mean nothing because when he transitioned he would be stronger than me and I couldn't allow myself to end up in that situation again. But he was still a good guy and so I was going to help him but from a distance so I got up very early and employed some tools I wasn't very skilled with. They consisted of a set of curling tongs (which I borrowed from Lucy), Eye shadow, lip gloss, a skirt (also borrowed from Lucy so it was too short) A Set of stockings and a push up bra. As I strolled into my tutor room casually flipping back my loose curls my tutors face was exactly the same as Mrs Collins had been that morning, a look that clearly said 'who the hell swapped your brain out last night'. I could feel eighteen sets of eyes suddenly snap to me and made an effort to appear unconcerned but to be honest that was always I was trying to avoid, so it felt like hell walking down that room in the spotlight. My eyes flickered across to Matt instinctively who was looking at me without blinking his eyes looking ready to pop right out of his head. I purposefully tore my eyes away and smiled at Harley as I walked past the football team captain. His eyes were almost as wide as Matt's as I walked over swinging my hips a little more than was totally natural.

"Hi." I said perching myself on the edge of his desk with a little smiled painfully aware of the silence in the room as everyone in the room including our tutor waited with bated breath to see what the outcome of this exchange would be. "Look I just wanted to say sorry." I said gently biting my lip as though I was concerned about how this was going to be taken, "about what happened. I was told some things that weren't true and some people misled me and so that's why I snapped and I'm sorry. I said smiling as I watched him over my shoulder with a tiny smile.

"Alright it's cool." He said casually but I could see the way he was shuffling uncomfortably I had got under his skin, and I could feel the furious gaze of Vicky Bradbury (his former girlfriend) burning into my back. I smiled sweetly and slid playfully off the desk and sauntered to the back of the room only when I had sat down did our tutor seem to snap to attention realising where she was she cleared her throat noisily.

"Right Monday good morning class. Notices." She said professionally. I felt my eyes drift to Matt as I could feel the intensity of his gaze across the distance. As soon as he saw me looking he raised his eyebrows at me I may not have known him long (what was it a week...two?) and yet I still knew exactly what that look meant 'what the f**k?' I locked eyes with him and gave my head a tiny shake before averting my eyes back to the front. Harley twisted around to gaze at my cleavage unashamedly I gave him a small smile. Inside hating how good I was at playing this damn role.

"Amy." I heard a subtle hiss as I reached out to push open the door to the girl's toilets. I froze and looked over my shoulder I saw a tiny glimpse of Matt who ducked back behind the nearby wall so quickly he could have been a mirage. I looked back over the cafeteria my newly acquired posse were engaged in what I was sure was a thrilling conversation regarding football statistics or football tactics. The girls didn't seem eager or maybe weren't capable of participating in the conversation so conversely I wasn't expected to give much input either. I sighed and walked quickly around the corner suddenly I was pushed back into the wall with such a surprising amount of strength that I felt the breath being knocked out of me. "Amy what are you doing?" Matt said pressing himself up against me holding my wrists gently to keep me in place. "Are you that mad at me that you going to start screwing around with the high school jocks?"

"I'm not mad at you." I said gently, Matt snorted, "I'm not it was in part my fault I didn't know what would happen but I guess flirting wasn't helpful . but I got excited you're the only wolf I know, the thing is the only wolves I have known have been my brothers Or Scott but he was sort of the same and hanging around in my underwear wouldn't have bothered them but I can't do that with you. My fault it led you on."

"It was not your fault at all." He snapped "you said no and I just ignored you."

"No it wasn't like that you were just a little over enthused."

"Don't make light of it." He snarled. "I could have f*****g r***d you or something I'd lost my f*****g mind."

"You wouldn't have and anyway I didn't exactly help matters especially with my behaviour and outfits."

"Look be mad at me, yell at me scream hit me if you want. Stop f*****g understanding and pretending to be an airhead so you can hang out with the popular kids... please" His voice had grown highly passionate and the grip on my wrists was tightening by the second. His eyes were beginning to fleck with gold.

"Why do you care how I behave?" I asked gently,

"Because I didn't feel alone with you, I want to believe that was who you are not this. I don't want you to honestly be this."

"you have no clue who I am."I said gently clearly not the right approach as a bolt of pain shot through both my wrists as Matt clenched them so tight it felt as if he was crushing the bones in my wrists his eyes were pure gold.

"you trying to make me jealous," he snarled "Not a good idea."

"Look I'm not doing the curling tongs and lip gloss to hurt you or punish you or anything. It's just I forgive you but we can't be what we were for multiple reasons honey which are not all your fault." I finished quickly "but I have to maintain a distance but I still want to help you and so that's what I'm doing."

"This is you helping." He snarled his eyes still gold.

"Trust me." I said levelly, he growled but I felt his grip loosen and I pulled my hands free. "I can't be upfront in helping you. You'll have to do that stuff yourself but I'll try and make your life a little better." I said stroking his cheek "I promise." I said turning away and resuming my trip to the girl's loos. In truth I was planning on trying to help him. it was the only thing I could think of as I couldn't be close to him he scared me too much for that anymore but I was going to help him by dealing with the biggest single problem in his life that is: the bullying.