The Lonely Girl

Life is hard. Giving up was never an option. Why do other people get to be happy, I want that too. As I walk out of my crappy apartment to my equally crappy job I think about how close I am to buying my own place, in the country, far away from everyone. I’ve always wanted someone to love, I’ve searched for it my whole life, only to be let down constantly. Don’t get me wrong, some people have shown me kindness, but it never went further than that, maybe I was too broken to love, maybe I pushed them away so I wouldn’t get hurt. My name is Sahara, I gave myself this name, I’m 21 years old. Life has been tough but I’ve pushed through, no point feeling sorry for yourself it doesn’t get you anywhere. I grew up in the foster system, I never found out who my birth parents were, I was left out the front of a hospital. I’ve lost count of the amount of foster homes I went to, no one ever kept me for long. I didn’t cause issues but I didn’t try and fit in either. By the time I was a teenager, it was hard to get fostered. I was about to enter a refuge when I was fostered by a seemingly decent guy Evan. He treated me well for the first couple of weeks, after the agency stopped checking regularly, things changed. The a***e he subjected me to was too much to bear. I still carry the physical scars from the beatings and the mental scars from the s****l and emotional a***e. I ran away when I was 14yrs, took a bus across the city, changed my name and started a new life. There were periods of homelessness, I couldn’t risk child services catching up with me. It was tough but I was free. I managed to finish school and now work as a nurse at a free clinic. Work conditions were pretty bad which meant the staff turnover was high. I liked that as I just came in to get my work done and leave, I wanted no attachments, no friendships. Just saving each day to get out of here.