Chapter 15: Nox's POV
1159 Words
It’s always the same. The recent dreams I've been having, I mean.
Tamsin in the woods, her long brown hair all wild but her eyes are tamed. Soft and innocent like they usually are.
And she’s laughing, actually laughing, like she wasn't carrying a burden placed on her shoulders.
She turns to me, reaching out her hand, and right when our fingers are about to touch? She's gone.
I wake up with blood on my tongue from biting my lip too hard and my chest feels like it’s cracking open.
To hell with this, I want to tell myself, however, I'm already in hell. It crazy, don't you think? That I'm still on this path of pain and obsessing over someone else?
Maybe it's because she's been hanging out with Lior, I don't know. But nothing sits down right in my chest anymore.
The room’s dark, but I can still see Zara lying beside me, skin bare and tangled in sheets I don’t remember pulling up.
Her scent is too sweet. Too foreign. And I already know what I did.
Again.
Cyan groans in the back of my head. "Bravo, lover boy. Using one woman to forget another. Class act."
I ignore him. Mostly because he’s right.
Zara stirs, mumbling something I don’t catch, and I press a soft kiss to her forehead. She sighs and curls deeper into the blankets, and I hate myself a little more.
She doesn't deserve what I'm giving her. As my mother said, she's patient and she's loyal. That's what I need.
That's what I need to treat her right, and yet I'm making her suffer by using her to try to forget Tamsin. A girl I never even tasted to begin with.
It makes me angry that she's burned into my brain, when all she does is just exist. Isn't that a f*****g cheat in the f*****g system?
"No smart guy, it's something called fate," Cyan murmurs at the back of my head and I can literally feel his eye roll. "She's made to be loved by you."
I ignore him yet again and slide out of the bed. I feel the cool air sting my bare body as soon as I leave the comforts of the warm bed, but it doesn't stop the plan I have in mind.
I need to see Silas immediately.
I throw on my clothes in the dark and leave without looking back.
The healer's hut is on the edge of the woods, a crooked thing made of wood and moss and too many herbs hanging from the ceiling.
Silas is awake, of course. He always is. It's like he never sleeps. Or maybe he just doesn't want to. Maybe he stays awake for the sole purpose of waiting for someone to need him.
He eyes me like I dragged in a storm the second I step inside. "Alpha."
"I need something," I mutter, sinking onto a worn bench. "For the pain."
He doesn’t ask what kind. Just tilts his head and gives me a long look that says he already knows.
"It doesn’t stop," I admit, voice low. "It’s constant. My chest... like something's missing. Or broken."
"Because it is," he says simply.
I rake a hand through my hair, frustrated. "My mother said there's a curse. On Alphas who take omegas as mates. My grandfather...my father, they died because of this."
Silas's expression doesn’t change. He starts fussing with jars, like I just said something about the weather.
"That's why I rejected her," I continue. "She doesn't understand. But I did it to protect her."
He chuckles under his breath, low and bitter. "Did you though?"
The question immediately comes out as offensive, and it triggers my Alpha instincts. "What the hell does that mean?" I shoot up abruptly from the bench.
He finally turns to face me. "It means maybe you should've asked questions before making choices you can’t unmake."
I grit my teeth. "I did what I had to."
"No," Silas says quietly. "You did what you were told. And now you're surprised it hurts."
"So what? You think I should go back to her? Pretend I didn't tear her apart?"
He just shrugs and drops a small vial into my hand. "This won’t fix it. Just dull it. For a little while."
I clench the vial in my fist.
"This is your curse, Alpha," he says, tone soft but sharp. "Face it."
I don’t thank him. I just leave.
To be fair, I wasn't expecting much from him. I can swear that man has something against the ruling family, as he's warm to every other pack member, save for us.
That doesn't bother me though. He's still my subject, as cold as he might want to be.
The pack house is still asleep when I return, as expected . I'm the psychopath for being awake at the hour, anyway.
I don't go upstairs though. My feet carry me toward the omega quarters instead, like they have a mind of their own.
"Sure, this is healthy," Cyan mutters. "Nothing weird about lurking outside her door like a sad stalker."
I shut him out.
Her door is closed. The hallway's quiet, except for the soft hum of her breathing. I can smell her through the wood. Strawberries and dish soap and something uniquely hers that never left my bones.
I lean against the doorframe and let myself feel it. All of it.
The ache. The guilt. The sharp twist of knowing she’s not mine anymore.
I wonder if she’s dreaming. If she hates me in those dreams the way she should. Or if I still show up there too, with my empty apologies and broken hands. And she turns to Lior instead.
Damn Lior.
"You know," Cyan begins, "you seemed pretty confident when you turned her down. Big bad Alpha wolf. You should live up to that image, you know. Can't exactly go back to your vomit."
"One more word bastard, and I swear I'll–"
"I am you, and you are me. We're technically the same thing so there's no threat under the moon from you that'll scare me. The worst you could do was deny me my fated love and make me suffer with you."
I sink to the ground in front of Tamsin's door and bury my face in my hands. "At least, shut up," I plead.
"I'm going crazy, Nox. Voicing out my sarcastic thoughts is my coping mechanism."
"Fine," I sigh. "Rant away then."
Except he doesn't.
I stay until the hallway starts to glow with morning light. Until I hear footsteps stirring in distant rooms. I don’t want to be caught.
So I leave, like I always do.
Back to the room I never want to sleep in. Back to the woman I can’t love. Back to the crown that feels heavier by the hour.
Back to pretending like I'm not seconds away from losing my mind.
- Writer
