Chapter 14: Tamsin's POV
1856 Words
“f**k you,” I mutter, dodging the apple Lior just threw at me like we’re two middle schoolers in detention.
He grins, obnoxiously pleased with himself, and takes a bite of his own apple. “Relax, it was a love tap.”
“Your love taps could knock out a small horse.”
“You’re not that small.”
I glare at him, then roll my eyes and go back to rummaging through the kitchen cabinets. “Why are you like this?”
“Born this way. Sorry to disappoint.” He leans against the counter like he owns it, all easy charm and broad shoulders. “You’re grumpy this morning. Want to talk about it?”
“No.”
Truth is, even though Lior constantly hanging around me eases the pain that comes from the rejection with Nox, it doesn't take it away a hundred percent.
Last night, it was more painful than it had ever been and I lay awake mostly crying. I don't know what to do with myself.
I can't keep on like this. But can you blame me really? The pain does something to me that sometimes, it's asking too much of me to try to mask it.
But...Lior is here at least. He's always been here. It feels like he was waiting for Nox to reject me then, before coming to me.
Maybe I didn't seem attractive to him then until his best friend rejected me...or maybe he feels bad his sister is my replacement and she isn't exactly the best person.
That...I think that's it.
Because there's nothing remarkable about me to begin with.
“Cool," his voice drags me out of my thoughts. "I’ll guess then. You had a nightmare, or someone insulted your tea-making skills again?”
“Lior.”
"To be fair, you make the worst tea ever."
"Goddamn it, Lior!" I hiss, but there's no real bite to it. Matter of fact, I'm hiding my face in a shelf because I'm smiling more than I should.
“Okay, okay. I’ll behave.”
We settle into something quiet. Not quite comfortable, but familiar. And then, like a storm cloud in heels, Zara walks in.
She's everywhere at this point. I guess it's normal to want to show off authority every now and then.
She looks flawless, like always. Hair down in that perfectly-styled-but-definitely-took-two-hours way.
Her eyes immediately find me, narrow slightly, then flick to Lior.
What does she want now?
“I've been hearing from some of the Omegas that you’ve been letting Tamsin stay in your room,” she says, voice like frost.
She doesn’t even look at me when she says it—just stares Lior down like he’s been caught passing notes in class.
I choke on air practically. Stay in his room? Yeah, no. I only help him with documents and we never even ever get to his sleeping space. We're always in the lounge before his actual room!
Why is she making it sound like we're sleeping together?
Most importantly, who spread such news?!
Lior barely blinks. “So?”
Gosh, of course he won't deny it or at least try to straighten it out.
Zara’s lips tighten. “That’s inappropriate, and you know it. Why don't you focus on getting yourself settled, instead of playing around with filthy omegas?”
He straightens up, and for once, the smirk fades. “You’re not Alpha, Zara. And I don’t answer to you. I'll be settled when I want to be, and with who I want to be.”
There’s a pause—just long enough for the tension to snap—and then Zara spins on her heel and walks out, probably to report to the royal council of Dramatic Women Who Need to Mind Their Own Business.
He turns to me, mouth twitching. “That went well.”
I laugh, short and surprised. "You didn't deny it, idiot."
"And what's it to her if it was true? She already stole your mate, she can't dictate what and what not we do."
My chest tightens at his reference to Nox, but I swallow the emotions. “She’s gonna hate me forever now.” I say instead.
“She already did.”
“Fair.”
But before I can milk the sarcasm, he checks his watch and groans. “Crap. I’ve got to meet Nox. Pack stuff.”
I don’t say anything, but my stomach sinks. Nox. That name still curls around my heart like smoke—slow, suffocating.
He taps my chin with his finger. “Don’t let anyone slap you while I’m gone, okay?”
“No promises.”
He leaves, and I’m alone. Except I’m not.
Elara walks in with another girl, Sarah–one of the girls she's been hanging out with of late– holding a mug, her eyes already annoyed.
Great.
“You two looked cozy,” she says.
Not in a cute way. In a petty, judgmental way that makes my blood boil, and that just gives me the perfect idea on who spread false news to Zara.
“Morning to you, too,” I mutter.
“You’ve changed, but then again, I guess rejection does a lot to people.”
I blink. “Excuse you?”
“Tamsin, everyone knows you've become different now, cold and withdrawn." She shrugs.
"It feels like I'm constantly getting pounded and burned in my chest over and over again, every minute of the day. You turned your back on me the very minute you saw that Nox rejected me and you couldn't climb on the clout of me being Luna, and you tell me I've changed? Good, you noticed."
"Your chest doesn't seem to hurt when you're with the Beta," she scoffs and Sarah giggles.
"It actually doesn't hurt, Elara. Is that what you want to hear? That he likes me and I'm considering giving him a chance and moving on? Is that what you want to hear? Go gossip about it. Tell your Luna that her brother's c**k tastes nice too while you're at it."
Her jaw clenches. “You can't be Zara, no matter how hard you try.”
"I never tried. I never cared to try. I'm not you and I'm done begging for approval. From you or from anybody."
That hits. I see it in her eyes, just for a second.
“I did what I had to do.”
“No,” I say softly, “you did what was easy. Cheap as always.”
I see her hand move to hit me but I don't move. I take the slap. Clean, sharp. It's the kind of slap that would’ve made me cry a month ago.
I just blink off the pain. My cheek stings, but I don’t cry.
Kira stirs inside me, quiet but steady. “Good girl.”
Elara walks out with Sarah before I can say anything else. I let her. I’m done fighting for people who stopped fighting for me.
The rest of the day passes uneventfully, thank goddess. I've had to deal with a lot of drama today these past few days and I need a relief from it.
To round up my day, I make my way to Lior's room as usual. Helping him with long overdue documents has slowly burned into my routine over the past week.
It's just innocent chatter and work...or so I tell myself.
Lior has this way of... charming me. That's how I'll put it. While I'm not over the moon for him, he's presence is like cocaine. It helps me escape the pain of reality and it's highly addictive.
Just as I round the corner, the sweet smell of citrus clouds my senses. There's an underlying scent of whisky to it, but what's the matter?
My heart leaps, but my stomach dreads to face him. It's too late to turn back now, especially as I have already stepped into his line of sight.
It's Nox, and he looks like a shadow. No, I mean it.
His eyes are hollowed and haunted, like sleep is a foreign concept to him. The closer he gets, I perceive that his scent is actually more alcohol than citrus.
He seems to stagger a little.
Is he drunk?
Happy married life, I guess?
He steps into my path, and my heart stumbles before I can stop it—like it forgot it’s no longer his to hold. (It isn’t. I remind myself of that every damn day.)
Our eyes lock. His lips part, but the words drag, reluctant.
“Does it not hurt you?” he asks, voice low and splintered.
He walks past me without looking back and I want to follow him to tell him there's a forever gap in my heart, but something keeps me rooted in my spot.
"Does it not hurt you?"
He's in pain...in so much pain. I thought he must have gotten over it with Zara...but he's not?
Kira whispers, “He still feels it. Maybe that’s punishment enough.”
I want to scream. I want to cry. But mostly, I just want to stop feeling like I’m stuck in a ghost story where I’m the ghost.
With a sigh, I continue my way to Lior's room.
He opens the door before I even knock, like he’s been expecting me.
“Let’s take a walk,” he says instead of hello. His voice is gentle and unassuming.
I want to be surprised, but after seeing Nox, I'm too disturbed to be surprised.
I nod instead. “Okay.”
The night greets us with cool air and quiet. We walk side by side through the sleeping halls, then out beyond the buildings, past the tree line, until we reach the meadow.
The stars stretch above us like scattered confessions, and the grass shimmers silver under the moonlight.
I tell him about Nox.
About how broken he looked. About his words. About how they cut deeper than I wanted to admit.
Lior listens, calm and steady, and I guess he already knows Nox is like that. He's his best friend afterall.
“He’s suffering,” I say. “You can see it in him. Like the bond’s still bleeding.”
Lior nods slowly. “He tried to suppress it,” he says. “Pretend it didn’t matter. But that kind of pain doesn’t disappear just because you decide to ignore it.”
I exhale, the ache in my chest heavier now that it’s shared.
He lowers himself into the grass and pats the space beside him. I sit. We don’t talk for a while.
The moon is out, big and soft and pretending everything’s fine.
I reach for his hand, but stop an inch short.
He notices.
“Not yet?” he chuckles.
I shake my head. “Not yet.”
He smiles. “Damn, I thought I had earned it already.”
I just shake my head and lean further down on the grass, laying my back down and my head on my hands.
We stay in silence again. It doesn’t fix anything. But it's all I need right now.
- Writer
