7. DAUNTING EMPTINESS
712 Words
7. DAUNTING EMPTINESS This haunting emptiness that has followed me around since forever,
Nothing ever satisfies me anymore.
Is there something wrong with me?
Why can’t I shake it off?
It’s strange, really,
You say I have everything one could possibly ask for,
That I should be happy,
So why is it that I’m not?
Perhaps you think me selfish,
But I didn’t choose to feel this way.
Did you honestly think I’d choose to suffer rather than be content?
I feel like I’m sinking deeper in quicksand,
There’s nothing to grab on to.
Like falling through space,
A bottomless expanse,
My hands flail about,
Desperate to grab something.
Like running around a football field,
Pacing around cluelessly,
With no goal to aim for.
Will it always be this way?
Can I ask you a question?
What do you live for?
What’s the purpose of your existence?
Is there a valid answer?
Or are you just as clueless?
How long did you struggle for,
How long did you wander aimlessly for,
Before finding something worthy enough to stick around for?
Did the thought of giving up ever seem more tempting than the thought of staying?
Is there even a point of this endeavor?
This is just too hard.
‘The journey is more memorable than the destination’.
That seems to hold true for some people,
But what about the rest?
Those who are far too tired to trudge on any longer?
Do I need a more intense reason?
Am I not allowed to feel this way?
Isn’t my unhappiness reason enough?
It’s all just in my head,
That’s what you keep insisting.
But how does that make me feel better?
Is there a way for me to wipe this slate clean?
To reboot my head?
When I know there is nothing to look forward to,
That there is no bright future to anticipate,
That I’ll always remain the same,
Why do you make me go on?
You asked me to keep trying,
To push on.
And so I did.
I really did,
I did try for so long.
But there is no light at the end of this tunnel.
Make no mistake,
I’m not saying everyone is like me,
In fact, I’d much rather you stay and make most of your journey,
But I implore you,
Can’t you just bid me farewell?
Can’t you finally smile as our hands disconnect?
Is it too much to ask that you finally let me go?
You don’t understand,
There is only one way to set things straight again.
But I don’t want this cavity to be filled with the blood and tears of your broken soul.
You know I can’t bear to see you sad,
I don’t want the band-aid that heals me,
To be ripped off your skin,
Exposing the bloody wound underneath,
Making you vulnerable.
I beg you,
Just let me go already.
I’m sorry,
You know I can’t drag you down with me.
So why can’t you just throw me away?
Don’t curse me if I break away my hands from yours.
Even if you are reproachful,
Can’t you just fake a smile to put me at ease?
Isn’t this better than putting me through a lifetime of torment?
Will you promise to not resent me for finally making my own self happy?
Until you’re finally happy to let go of me,
I will have to be here.
I will wait for you to change your mind.
Can’t I place myself ahead of you for just this one time?
It will work out in the end for the both of us anyway.
Think about it this way,
With the slow passage of time,
I’ll be your wound.
With the slow passage of time,
I’ll scar you.
With the slow passage of time,
You’ll keep growing.
With the slow passage of time,
Seasons will come and go.
With the slow passage of time,
Flowers will wither and bloom.
With the slow passage of time,
Flowers will wither and bloom.
With the slow passage of time,
I’ll be a faint memory.
With the slow passage of time
I’ll perish in some distant echelon of the chambers of your mind.
With the slow passage of time,
I’ll be forgotten.
With the slow passage of time,
……………..
- Writer
