Eight

"Mom do is this really necessary?" I spoke with a calm tone. "Leaving Iowa was already hard but leaving Dad?" "Rachel, you know why we have to do this. Please don't make this hard for me." She responded with an irritating voice. It was hard bidding goodbye to my father. Seeing him wave his hands, acting like we're only leaving for a vacation makes it more harder for me to hold it in. I just sat there in the passenger seat holding every tear and sadness in, as the car shift on the road the feelings lingers longer. The longing and waiting feeling, waiting for the time when this will all just end and go back to how it used to be, the anticipating feeling of whether this will end or whether it'll just stay like this. Its been an hour and a half since we exchanged words. I wanted to break the thick ice between us but I can't seem to find the right choices of words, I took the brave path and started talking raw without filtering my words. "Mom, can we just please go back? I'm sure dad'll take back." I was walking on egg shells, trying not to sound desperate about the topic. "Honey, we can't. Okay? It's not that easy, it's more complicated than you think it is." she responded without even looking at me.  "What? You just got tired of dad too?" I lost my temper. "Rachel! Don't go there, you can't blame if we just fell out of love." She knew where I was going to and tried to stop me. "Go where mom? Oh When the time you cheated on dad? With whats his name again? Mason?" She's pissed and I know it, whenever my mom get pissed she never bat an eye on anyone. I was still not contended with what's happening because I know it won't go anywhere. So I just started spilling out what's on my mind. "And do you recall what you said to Dad that time? That it's alright now because you got tired of him already. Oh and when you wanted that old piano which was so expensive that Dad's work pay wasn't enough so he started working double job and you got tired of it after two weeks." I didn't stop, I know I was way out of line but my anger against my mom was also out of my comfort zone that I couldn't control my word of choice. "Little did you know how anticipating it was for Dad. He got frustrated whether you'll get tired of him one day." "What about me? Did you ever stop and just think what about your mother?" She started looking at me while talking. I can feel the anger she had. I knew this was going to be a clamorous conversation, since we both hold on our prides. "What about you Mom? How come every discussion turns into your consultation?" "Seriously, Rachel we shouldn't even be having this . . ." she hesitated. "conversation." I didn't know what was holding her back in her word of choice but I know wasn't picking my words right on my side of the conversation. "That man loved you, and he still does, you can't just go on and say you both fell out of love because only you did." What I said was a slap on her face.I knew it bruised her. I was waiting for a response then a sudden gush of wind came through my face and slapped me. It was a brief shocking moment that froze me, the sudden slap performed by my mother was all new to me that It took me seconds to realize it. It didn't hurt compare to how much the conversation were having hunted me more. It was a pierce into the heart when it all registered to me that I never thought our well-doing family would come into this. As I linger to those complicated feelings, I can hear the rain starting to pour. Every drop I can hear since silence filled the car ever since I was till in shock of what just occur.I adjusted my seat back to where it me feel comfortable but it just never did again.My mind started flying through the memory lane, it was fun and hurting at the same time. I looked at the car seat window, as every light post past our way, then I started feeling this wet texture sliding from my eyes to my cheeks. It took me a few seconds to realize I was crying,  I wanted to stop it, but I just couldn't. I didn't want my mom to see me crying for it would make me weak in her eyes. After I shed a tears for a few minutes, I can suddenly hear myself sobbing, it was loud, the type of sob which is hard to hide. I took a glance of my mom, checking if she had noticed my sobbing. And she didn't, apparently she was also busy sorting out her own personal feelings of just took place. Since the car was filled with silence, I can hear the roaring of the car's engine. I was thankful for that, because of it my mom didn't even notice a single thing. An hour passed by so easily with me just staring at the light post and the cars besides us. It stared and stared until all the cars slowly started disappearing. The ride was cold, shortly after the rain stopped, just like my tears earlier. I simply couldn't stop it, then it just suddenly stopped pouring like how it was for the rain. Suddenly a gush of loneliness rushed in to me, as if it was telling me to beg my mom again. To give Dad another chance to redeem the love he still have for her. I was ready to break yet another thick ice between the two of us, I knew it was way more thicker than it was earlier. It made me palpitate hard, I knew the path my raw, unfiltered words will bring me so I was more cautious this time. "Mom, I know how hard it must have been hard for you," I made sure to sound like I cared for her in what's happening. "but will you reconsider this sudden decision? If not for Dad, please do it for me." I sounded desperate. "Rach, it's not that easy okay? I know I may look like the bad guy because I took you away from your dad. Well I'm not, your Dad has ton of things he's not telling you." She answered in a clam voice. I was shocked, my mom isn't the type of person to answer because someone broke the ice. She must have taken this topic more seriously more than I thought she would. "Mom," My voice raised, I stopped and hesitated. I didn't this conversation to shift to how it was earlier. " it's hard, leaving Dad on Iowa and you expecting me to start a new life in Minnesota. Will just please promise me you will reconsider?" "I will Honey, I promise you I will." She responded in a comforting tone, she looked at my hand and took it. My cold hand a moment ago was now warm and comforted. She then looked at me and smiled, suddenly I realize how it must have been for her and appreciated her efforts. As a response I looked at her and smiled back. It was a long but yet consoling gaze we exchange. I didn't want to end but while looking into my mom's deep eyes a sudden bright light took my attention. It took me a second to realize it was the head lights of a truck on the other side of the road about to hit us. Before I even shouted I felt the truck hitting us, which threw us on of the light post of the walk road. I opened my eyes slowly, found myself hanging upside down. I can feel the blood dripping to my eyes, giving my eyes a reddish vision. I turned my head to my mom, she was reaching for me. With her shaking, soaked in blood hand. I tried to call her name. "Mom" but I know it sounded like I whispered. I was struggling to keep my eyes open wide. I can hear my mom telling me not to shut my eyes. I was fighting it knowing if I shut it down I'll never know when I will be able to open it again. But I wasn't able to fight any longer, as I shut my eyes off the last thing I heard was my mom calling my name. "Rachel."