I INTEND NOT TO LOVE

"Thando" ,mom yells my name,"am coming Mother"i leave my Accounting books on the floor and run to the kitchen where my mom Hlengiwe is. "Mama am here" she is making our Zulu traditional food, called 'amadombolo nosu'(dumplings and tripe) my favorite. The smell lingers in the kitchen and waters my mouth"mmmh...who's the great Chef?" mom giggles and her dimples god my mother is so beautiful."mama is your great Chef" she says,well my mother isn't that old just 36, she had me in her early teens, and i'm 20 doing my third year in college, luckily i managed to get a scholarship to fund my studies my mom wouldn't afford it with her maid salary.i have other three half brothers, Khanya who is 11,Zane who is 8 and Shaka our aggressive last born who is 5.They are currently at school and i'm on mid spring break,apparently we all have different fathers and they well mine died before i was born in a car accident. My all other brother's fathers took off after they were born, we did not get to meet our dads.Mom is a strong woman but life and what she believed was love knocked her down. but yet she believes i can find love a get married someday, well she doesn't know me well, first of all i am 'NEVER' i mean 'NEVER' going to have a boyfriend nor let any guy enter my life it a promise i made to myself and intend to keep till death keeps me and mom and my siblings apart. "Thando", oh mom snaps me out of my thought, i turn to her "one day you are going to be somebody else's wife you have to learn to cook our traditional food very well and how to care for a man", oh oh here we go again with this speech i hate so much. "Mom i'm not leavng you nor my brothers, and i am never going to get married. i will go out there and work for you and my brothers that all i will do.. i want no boys!", i shout, oh my God ,did i just shout at my mother,father jesus am a horrible kid incarcerate me i'm a BAD BAD girl. " mom...i.. didn't mean to raise my voice at you am deeply sorry" mom is standing there shocked or should i say frozen, next to our two plate stove. eish OK i'm in deep s**t. i look at mom she has tears in her eyes i move closer to her but she smile through her tears. ok that creepy from shocked to tears and back to smile i'm in for a lecture.i wipe her tears away i kills me to see a cry. "oh teddy you know i love you and stop this nonsense, you will find love, i know you don't believe in love because of what your fathers did to me. but not all men are the same . you will find the love of your life teddy" alright i nod i do not want to argue with her it better to let her be to cut the conversation."i am making your favorite food as your are leaving next week for your finale Exams to college, it a good luck and goodbye meal", "thanks mama" i reply and she welcomes me into warm her embrace."go to your room and study now i will call you when the food is ready and when your siblings are home."i love you mama" she smiles"you are loved by me princess" she kisses my forehead and i run to my room and begin to study. mom finishes cooking, my siblings come back from school she calls me to eat, i hug my brothers while mama dishes for us.i take their bags to my room, oh let me rephrase that 'our room' with my brothers in womb. they change out of their school uniforms,once they are finished we gather and sit on the floor in round with my boys squad "how was your day boys?" i ask "great sis, i couldn't wait to come back and see you i missed you'' Zane replies, i smile how sweet." i missed you too big sis" says Khanya. my face is totaly red i cant help the grin spreading over my face,"didn't you miss your sis Shaka" he shakes hes head no. ah this kid is a mood killer" why would i miss you big candy head?", ooh wrong answer young man i scream "Shaaaka" he get up and run i go after him to the kitchen where mom is dishing for us, and i hear my brother laughing as i go after the 'Mouse' i turn my head toward them they stop laughing and hold their mouths.i run fuming to the kitchen and the little 'mouse' is in my mothers back hiding. "mom i am going to kill Shaka" my mom laughs she knows how that mouse likes to pick battles with me. i go behind mom and i grab him and tickle him. he laugh so hard till he got no breath i carry him by my shoulder to out small living room. shortly mom serves us we dig in through light conversation. at night i help my brothers with their homework and bath the little mouse since others are 'old men' not my words but theirs. and we go to our separate rooms mom with the tittle mouse Shaka and myself with Khanya and Zane. we bid each other goodbye we fell asleep over silly talk with my brothers till darkness overcomes us. and hope for a better tomorrow .