The Man Who Made Me Feel Again

SAMANTHA… I held on tightly to the saddle as the horse galloped with intensifying speed across the field — in the same reckless way it always did in my imagination whenever my mind wandered. Father will have my head on a platter if he hears of this. He will send me down to the pantry to work for a week, just like he did with my sister when she disobeyed him and kept spending time with the stable boys. But unlike me, she was a good girl who was only attracted to the horses, whereas I was attracted to the boys — or just one of them. She never went too close to any of the boys, never let them hold her hands, talk more of letting him touch her waist, or grab the thick ass under her layers of gown. As the horse galloped even faster, I felt a growing thickness pressing into my behind, and when I heard his voice holler as he kicked the horse, my body shivered with slight uncertainty. My thoughts and vision blurred until the horse came to a slow stop by the hill overlooking the meadow. I tried to blush away my growing worry as he offered me his hand and wrapped the other firmly around my waist to pull me down from the horse. He held me firmly in his arms when I fell into them, and led me down towards the meadow. I tried to avoid his eyes, but there was a lot about that beautiful green eyes under that oversized hat that I could not ignore. He smelled of sweat, hay and horses, but none of that mattered when he laid me down in the soft grass and ran his hands down the side of my face - not even the uncertainty that had been creeping into my mind seemed to exist anymore. His big rough hands ran down my neck and to the slight curve of my chest, and before I could even think about it and change my mind, his mouth seized mine in a fierce kiss just at the same time his hand caressed my breast through my corset. It was just as I had always imagined it - fiery passion. He stopped to look at me and I moaned my displeasure, “You don’t know how long I have waited to touch your skin” his eyes roamed hungrily down my fully clothed body, “and feel every skin of yours that have never seen the sun” his head bent forward to kiss and lick my cleavage, sending hot coals down to my core. I slowly pushed him back and fumbled with my evening dress, undoing the buttons with shaky hands while he smiled up at me from where he now laid on the grass. I let the dress come off and freed myself of the petticoats and corset until I only knelt in front of him with only the thin fabric hugging my thighs. His smiles disappeared, and his green eyes brightened with immense hunger as he reached out to caress my breast with one hand, and with his other hand he held my hand and brought it down to the bulge between his legs. I almost screamed at the monstrous size of it, wondering where he was going to put it in my body that will fit. He saw the fear in my eyes and brought me closer to him to kiss him. His hands trailed down my body while his tongue danced wildly in my mouth, and in one gentle act, he parted my thighs and let his finger… … “Ahem. One day, you will stop daydreaming and actually get yourself a man” Laura’s voice jerked me back to reality, and I hoped she didn’t notice the embarrassment on my face. “Look how pink your cheeks are,” she added as she pulled a chair out from across the table were I sat and collapsed into it with a heavy sigh. “I wonder what it will look like if it was a man who had just witnessed you getting f****d in your head” she gave me a knowing smile and I rolled my eyes and looked away. “I don’t know what you are talking about, and don’t say such words in my shop like that” “What word?” She stopped talking and looked around the room dramatically, “Is mom here somewhere?” I ignored her sarcasm and looked at the sales ledger I had opened earlier to fill in. “Kelvin asked about you” I pretended not to hear what she had said, and continued scribbling in the ledger. “You know at some point you really have to let yourself move on and let a man take care of you right?” she added. “Says the staunch feminist who strongly believes women can do well on their own” I jabbed back. “Hey, you have read most of the books I have sent you and you know that’s not all that feminism is about” she pointed out accusatory. I ignored her and tried to focus on the figures staring back at me, but I could not help holding my mind back from relapsing into it’s day dream… It’s been ages since I felt a man’s touch, and although my sister thinks otherwise, there is nothing I can do about it. I have two beautiful kids to look out for now, and there was no room for men or any other future but to be a good mother and wife - even though my husband was no longer in the picture. “Come with me this evening for an event” I humphed and closed the ledger with growing frustration. “Kelvin put you up to this, didn’t he?” I stared her wide in the face, daring her to say what I already knew. “And if he did, what’s so wrong with that?” She replied with no trace of smile on her face. “You know what’s wrong Laura” “No I don’t Sam. Even if you won’t let yourself fall in love with anyone, at least let one of these men clear the thick cobweb growing in your coochie instead of just burying your fantasies in your endless daydreams” I looked at her and I could see the tinge of a smile playing up the corner of her lip, but I was not smiling. She never seemed to understand what I shared with my late husband, and I didn’t expect her to. Moving on felt like betraying the vows we had made to ourselves long before we went to the altar, long before death snatched him away from him. “I don’t know what you are talking about, and by the way I am still mourning my husband” “Come on, give me a break with that, it’s been two years since the man died” she retorted. “And I won’t have you talk about him that way” I whispered to her and got up from the table to go attend to a customer who had just walked in. I heard her sigh in resignation, and from the corner of my eyes, I noticed her looking at her watch. Good, she has overstayed her welcome. “I will send you the details of the event later” she said as she got up to leave, “And no, Kelvin has no idea about this” she added and blew me a kiss before walking out. I couldn’t help but smile at how dramatically she sashayed out of the bakery while the male customer stared at her. She had such an effect on men, and she knew it.