Renegade

The first time I laid eyes on him was off 59th Avenue, after a drug bust in a major warehouse. He watched from the back of his Lincoln, parked 5 yards from the fence line, puffing on a cigar with a condescending smile on his face. I was once a happy cop. I survived 4 world tours on a specialized team. After 5 years I decided to get out and live a normal life. I had an amazing wife that I met when I was in the Core. We lived an ideal life together. I've been on the police force for 15 years now. All was well until I ran across a known drug ring out of Mexico. The leader's name is Frost. Very few people have seen his face. He bought his property from a corrupt politician that has a "secret" account in the Cayman Islands. I remember waking up to the sun, glistening through the blinds. Shining against your skin as it glows with warmth as you lay in my arms with your head on my chest. I slowly run my fingertip up and down your spine, lightly, careful not to wake you. As I lay here on my back, I think about the previous day, where it all starts........ It's a typical, early Saturday morning. I step out of the shower and start to make my normal early morning phone calls. As usual, my partner calls to fill me in on what supplies have been moved from one warehouse to another. I get dressed and load up my truck. As I pull out to f the driveway, I see you passing. I think nothing of it as I continue to pull out of my driveway. As the day goes on, I have completed 5 deliveries. I head to Jimmy John's for my favorite sandwich. As I sit down to eat I receive a text message saying "How's your day going daddy?" I responded "Good, by the way who is this?" As I take the first bite of my sandwich I think "Uhh, wrong number". As I finish my lunch my alarm goes off reminding me I have a meeting in 45 minutes. I pack up my trash and throw it away. As I start out the door, I hear "Sir, you forgot your key." and he walks over to hand them to me. I look down and see my keys in my hand. I smile and say" Sorry, I have my keys right here". As I look up at the keys in his hand, I notice something familiar about the key. This is the key I had made for her...........I take the key as a tear runs down my face. I get back in my truck and put the key in my cup holder. I sit and stare in the rear view mirror as memories come flashing back to me. I am quickly interrupted by a text saying "You'll find out tonight". I convince myself it is still the wrong number and don't think anything of it. Onto my meeting........ When the meeting is over I head home. Pulling into the garage I notice a single rose petal with shades of white and pink. As I round my truck an alarm goes off in my head. I don't have a rose bush, nor do my neighbors. Standing at the end of the driveway, with the petal in my hand, I notice an approaching car. I think of how strange this day is becoming. The wind blows as I raise my hand and let the petal float away in the breeze. I unlock the door and walk into the house. I walk into my bedroom, turn the shower on and get undressed. I step in and think about the last time I saw you. Think about how you smiled at me and walked out of my life, taking that new job offer. Getting out of the shower I dry off, thinking about what I should wear tonight.........it's a nice night for black, I think to myself. I pull up to the bar. There is music blasting as I walk in. I shake hands with security as everyone greets me. One face sticks out of the crowd more than the others. I look into her eyes. As she gets closer I can smell the sweet smell of her perfume. Time stops and the music dampens. Flashbacks start to play in my head. I remember your soft skin and the feel of your lips. I pull you from the bar stool, holding you in my arms with a warm embrace. We whisper "I missed you so much" in each other's ears. We leave the bar and head to the beach. Hand in hand we walk under the night sky together, for hours. Who knows how much time has passed by? As the night gets late we head to my place. I think "Oh my God, I can't wait". We pull into the driveway and I open your door, remembering the last time your clothes hit my floor. As time ticks on you lay closer to me, resting your head on my chest. I kiss your forehead and tell you "I love you". Holding you through the night, wishing this moment would never end. The sun is rising, glistening through the blinds, shining against your skin as it glows with warmth. You lay in my arms with your head on my chest, as I slowly run my fingertip up and down your spine. Ever so gently so as not to wake you. As I lay here on my back, I think back over that night. Where it starts and how it ended. A love so deep came to an end. I lost my lover and my best friend. In the end, you came home to rest until our souls meet again. Years later, I ran into an old friend. We talked with each other for months. Then we got married, my life was whole again. I returned to work. Frost fell off the map, no longer a threat. Things were returning to normal. Well, at least, I thought so..... Five hours into my shift I walk into my office and notice a package. It reads "open me if you dare". Calling my partner and chief into my office, we opened the package to find a DVD. I set the DVD to play. What we saw that day was enough to set any man over the edge. Realizing, in order to beat Frost, there couldn't be any rules. No limitations. I have to become a Renegade. So, now I'm dead. Dead because YOU killed me. After a lifetime of friendship, I am forced to live without you. I am a Renegade after my own heart. Speeding, crazy off of Red Bulls, vodka and 5 hour energy mixes. Trying to go faster and faster. My heart pumps faster and harder. I'm sweating with chills and tingling everywhere!!!!! Driving fast, speeding, gripping the wheel. Going a buck fifty, bobbing and weaving through traffic as my music blares in my ears. Not a care in the world, just me in the moment. Quick, sharp turns as I drift all my problems away. The rubber meets the road and the smoke smacks the ass of my car. Oh, it feels so good! As I hit the corner at 4 G's, ssshhh, listen to the engine purr as the pedal meets the floor. As I go faster and faster, past the point of no return. Hold on tight, if I f**k up now it’s all over! Do I back off now, or push a little harder and get it all in? Major question, one simple answer. f**k it, let's go! It's all or nothing. Drunk in a world full of blood hungry vampires, searching for the one who took your heart. I'm a rabble flipping table. Shoot first, ask questions later. The last thing I remember you saying is "don't worry about me." Leaving nothing more than tears and sorrow. As day turns to night I see you over and over in my mind. Twisting and turning with every thought. As each day passes I get closer to the man that took you from me. Plans of torture play over and over in my mind. As each day passes I want to kill more and more. It all started with the affair 6 months ago. In times of darkness, the truth will bring you light. If you seek the light, Seek the one who provides it for you to see. "Come in and close the door, cut off your phone. Get undressed, come here" she said. "I've been waiting on you." He replied "Wait, what about your husband?" "Oh, I'm working late." She said, "Yeah you're working late" he replied as they laughed. Then he asked "Why cheat, do he not treat you right?" "No," she replied. "I'm happy, he treats me like a queen. I just want you" "MMMMM" he said as she got to her knees and slurped on his d**k. Taking it deeper and deeper as he laid his head back. He asked her "Are you sure you want to do this?" She replied, "Shhh, give me that d**k" and pulled him down on top of her. He entered her slowly, striking over and over as she screamed with delight. As I walked through the house, past the kitchen, down the hall to the gun case. I reached for my 9 and 2 clips. The shotgun she bought me with the engraving "LOVE FOREVER". Clenching it tighter and tighter as I load each slug. As I c**k it, he stopped and said "Shh!! What was that?!?" He tried to listen. She said "nothing" and turned over for him as he slid his d**k back in her from the back. Doggy style, as she likes it. I close my eyes, not thinking clearly. Thinking about the moments we shared. As I made my way up the stairs, down the hall. I cut through the bathroom and entered the bedroom. Pressing the end of my cold, steel barrel against his bald head. As he went limp she turned to look back at him. She faced the barrel of my 9. Damn! I calmly repeated the questions he asked before they started, "Why, why cheat?", demanding an answer. As he went to answer, he felt a nudge from the shotgun. "Not you. I said her''. In shock, the words fumbled from her mouth. "I, I thought you were on a business trip." "Answer me," I said. "Why, why not just leave?" As tears rolled down her face, she yelled "I don't know!" "Don't lie to me!" Moving my finger closer to the trigger, narrowing down aim. "Wait!" yelled the guy. Glancing down at him I ask "What?" He mumbled "I asked the same thing". "But it didn't stop you" I said as I slammed him in the head with the butt of the shotgun. As he fell over she went to catch him. "Don't move!" I yelled. "Why?" I asked as I holstered my 9. Now pointing my shotgun at her. She explained that she had been seeing him for years. As I started to pull the trigger........ Buzz Buzz Buzz my alarm goes off. Ahh! Just a dream........... Now I'm sitting on the edge of my bed. Thinking about the quickest way to die without anyone having to clean up behind me. OR freaking out when they find me. Thinking of whether or not to leave a note. Nah, no note, I write enough. I've been writing for so long about so many things. Everyone that knows me knows everything about me. So, no more words. No goodbyes. I think the world would be better off without me. Everyone could move on, as if I was never here. There are so many ways to die. Every death has a different meaning, so I will make up one of my own. I want to do something without freaking anyone out. Don’t worry, there won't be any cutting or meds or me drinking anything. There will be no hanging or waiting to be found. So, just to do something my body would do on its own. I just have to remind myself not to come out of it or wake up. I guess this is my own little way of being me. Leave it to me to make everyone else happy. Oh well, not like I did right by anyone in my life anyway. As I sit here and think back to the dream, the last time I saw you alive. I couldn't hurt you, I loved you too much. After you got dressed and left me that day, you started slowly killing me. Since that day I couldn't help but be reckless to try and mend my heart. To only turn around and hurt other people. As I look over, I see the card I bought for your birthday. It reads, "Happy birthday, Summer. I will always love you and to keep this close to your heart. I will always be with you, Even late in the night, when you can't help but fight loneliness in the dark. With no one to take part but remember, deep within, shines a part of your heart". Now I'm out of the shower, getting dressed for the day. Day 265 of my manhunt. Obsessed with finding him, vowing to follow him to the ends of the earth. From China to France to Alaska where I await within my solitude. I wait patiently for you to come. Watchful, cunning, waiting for the moment of your arrival. Watchful for the headlights to show in the distance. Within my solitude I am carefully plotting my next move. With an ever so watchful eye down the scope. Solitude. Nowhere anyone would ever bother you. Nowhere anyone would want to be. Within my solitude it is peaceful, calm, the well needed vacation away from everyone. Well, so I thought....... For 5 years I have been running after you. Staying low, yet my hunt for you has not ended. But soon it will, I;m ahead of you this time. Today it ends..........