unforgotten memories

I forgot to bring my jacket from my car. I was running late, and the thought to grab it had slipped my mind.  I never wear short sleeve shirts, I feel too vulnerable, almost as if everyone is looking at every single scar on my arms and judging me for them. I tried my best to hide them, crossing my arms with my head down pretending to be invisible. This was a natural reaction for me when I felt attacked, verbally or physically. I look down at fingerprint bruises on my left forearm, wondering if anyone noticed them, and if they did if they knew what they were from. Did they think I liked rough s*x? Me? I had never even had a boyfriend. Maybe they assumed I did it to myself somehow? why would I? How could anyone see fingerprints on my arm and not help me? How could they all see the pain and not realize that I had been held down and hurt against my will? I start to think about the fingerprints. The first time he left his fingerprints on me, I was so young, and they were on my hips. Every time he left marks for years, they were hidden. in places no one saw except me. I didn't have friends that came for sleepovers, or that I told everything. I was the weird girl at school, and no one noticed me. I look around and see all of my classmates laughing and smiling, sometimes I wish I could be like that, happy. I sit in the back corner by myself watching them all in an envious way, how can they not notice me? The bell rings and I quickly grab my books and go to rush out the room, so I have time to grab my jacket before 5th period, even though it is 96 degrees outside. "Emma! can you stay a minute? Emma!" I hear as I'm walking out the door. It’s Mr. Williams. I walk up to his desk with my head down not saying a word. The tone in his voice makes me uncomfortable. Its deep and intimidating. His eyes are a gray color that make it seem like he has no soul. I peek up and he looks worried. "Emma. are you okay?" for a second I think about admitting it all, telling him about all the abuse, all the hurt, everything that I go through, but then in the back of my head I hear the whisper that has been whispered in my ear thousands of times "tell anyone and I’ll go after Leah" I look up at Mr. Williams mutter "Yeah. I'm okay. just tired" he looks at me, I can tell he doesn't really believe me, but I can also tell he doesn't really have the energy to care. he sighs a long sigh and stares at me for a minute, I do my best to cover the bruises on my arm. I'm not sure if he noticed them or not but he said "okay Emma. have a nice day" part of me wanted to scream "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? CAN’T YOU SEE? I AM NOT OKAY!" but I forced a smile and said "thanks, you to. I ran to the bathroom as quickly as I could and force my way into a stall, I sat in the floor and cried. This was never going to end. I am never going to be okay.  What is the point? Why am I even here just to be treated as if I don't matter? The only thing in the whole world keeping me alive is my little sister, Leah. The bathroom is full of girls, but I walk out of the stall and quickly look at myself in the mirror. my messy dark brown hair and pail white skin. My eyes are so dark from the sleepless nights and constant tears. I pull my phone out. no missed calls, no new texts, no one cares. I decide to skip the rest of the day. I walk to my car only to remember I set my keys down in the bathroom. f**k! As I'm walking back to the school’s main doors, I feel someone's eyes on me. I looked around, noticing a guy watching me from the side of the school. Our eyes meet and I feel as if he is looking into my soul. Almost as if my eyes tell him every single problem I have in my life. I have goosebumps on my arms as I open the doors and wonder if I had made that all up in my head or if we had an actual connection. Why am I even thinking about this? of course I made it up in my head. No one ever notices me. He probably wasn’t even looking at me. I go and grab my keys, reading to get to my car and drive around listening to my favorite music with the windows down and my hair blowing all around my face. When I get to my car the boy is standing at my car. I look at him obviously puzzled. He is so handsome in a bad boy way. He had a black t shirt with ripped jeans and worn-down converse. He looks at me for a minute, not saying a word. I finally say "uhm is there a problem?" he looks at me as if I’ve offended him, "no. why would there be?" I don’t understand the question. Is he being sarcastic? I start to panic and wonder if he’s going to try to hurt me. I take a few steps back and he realizes my surprise and quickly says "that was stupid of me to say. I’m sorry. I just noticed you were leaving school, why? its only 5th period." I’m slightly offended. Its none of his business. I walk past him and go to unlock my car and he says "my name is Charlie. I’ve noticed you several times before today. I see the pain in your eyes, and I can tell you are not okay. I just want to help." my eyes fill with tears and my mind is racing with thoughts. What do I do? no one’s ever cared about me. no one’s ever tried to make sure I’m okay. I look at him and whisper "no. I’m not okay."