What is Love?

"Why don't I drop you off at the café?", My dad asks for the sixth time in the past one hour.  "I'm fine dad. It's just twenty minutes away. I drive to the office every day anyway", I say while pulling my hair into a high ponytail as always. "Why don't you just leave your hair open?", My mom walks in with a mask in her hands for me to take.  "It's more comfortable this way. Does it look okay?", I ask putting my comb down and turning to show it to her. She looks carefully for a few seconds without talking as my sister walks in. "It looks good", she says nodding her head with a smile. "Ah you're getting married", my sister smirks trying to tease and get the usual reaction from me but I don't respond this time. I'm too scared and nervous to think about this properly. I guess my expression shows what I was thinking easily as my little sister stops with her teasing and puts her hand on my shoulder to try and ease me. "Don't worry. He's a decent guy according to the research anyway. If you don't like him we can just reject him. Daddy already explained that to uncle", she says pinching my cheeks. I'm older than my sister by 4 years but she treats me like I'm the younger one sometimes cause I'm shorter than her. "I know that. That is the main reason I'm even going. I'm also driving myself instead of letting him pick me up like uncle suggested because I can flee once I don't like him", I give her a big smile and she sighs. "You shouldn't go into this thinking that way", my sister says getting annoyed with pessimistic me. "Take this seriously. Relationships don't work without trying", she says and I roll my eyes. "I know that dude. I'm just putting out the other possibility too", I shake my head and take my car keys. Arranged marriage isn't a concept that's alien to both of us. We very well knew from the start that once we decided to not date anyone all our lives we are bound to follow this path. It's not like either of us hates the concept of relationships or marriage. But our views regarding it are very different. My sister is a romantic one. While I may be to some extent I never believed in the concept of "love". I uttered the word many times but never understood the hype around it. According to me, a relationship is all about respect and comfort with one another. If you lose either one of those a marriage would not work. At least one where you are happy. She doesn't believe in the concept of divorce but I agreed to this whole thing only on one condition - "I will try it out. If it doesn't work and I get a divorce I will be the one deciding my next steps". They all agreed although my sister frowned. She says it's all about compromise and making it work. I can make it work too but only until I don't suffocate. I'm used to keeping my parent's wishes in mind, I know the meaning of compromise and understanding. But when it comes to living my whole life without happiness I can never do it. "Are you there yet?", My best friend Tishya's voice is heard on my car sound system as I drive to the destination. "Almost", I say as I stop for the signal. "Do you remember what you want to ask him?" "I guess. I hope I just don't forget everything once I meet him. I always have this problem you know right. I think too much before speaking and the moment passes", I laugh trying to calm my nerves. "Don't worry. It's all right. He must be as nervous as you. He is also meeting you for the first time. Just clarify whatever you want to know. If it doesn't work out you can tell your parents as they already said. I will be there when you talk and help you out if you want." "What should I say if he asks me about my dating history? It might be a bit weird to say I didn't feel the need to be in one till now." "See as you said always. You were just concentrating on your career till now and when you got to know your parents would be okay if you were in a serious relationship you didn't have the chance", she tries to reason as I think back to the real reason I never dated anyone. I guess I just didn't want the complications of having to deal with our parents and making them agree to it. I always thought it would be a big mess to even try to persuade them but when my mom said if I were actually in a serious relationship they wouldn't have a choice but to accept it, I was already out of college and concentrating on my career. I don't like crossing professional borders at work so I don't even make friends there so let alone date. Then came the lockdown which pretty much stole the whole 2020 from me which is when I was free of worrying about finding a job or worrying about exams. Maybe if I found the right person I would have fallen for him but I never found anyone I liked to worry about letting him go. Every guy I rejected, I never really cared about them to think back on my decision. Some of them were so bad at handling the rejection that I completely shut myself from this whole concept and was glad to be single. "I'm here" "All the best", my friend wishes me as I disconnect my phone and hang up. I hope he is not here yet. I can have a few minutes for myself before he arrives. I nervously step into the place ask the staff about the reservation in my dad's name. She guides me through the almost empty place (which I'm very glad of after all this pandemic situation for the past year) to the corner table. I find him sitting there in his black shirt and jeans playing candy crush on his phone. That puts a smile on my face for some reason as I take a deep breath and approach him. He stands up halfway from his seat placing his phone aside to greet me. "Hi I'm Kaushik", he introduces himself as I shake his hand giving back the nervous smile he had on his face. "Laasya", We both take our places as I try to do something with my hands to keep them busy. "Ah" "Ah", my response replicating his makes both of us smile in embarrassment. "Is this your first time meeting someone like this? I mean for the whole arranged marriage thing", I wonder how obvious I was for him to ask that. "Yes actually. How about you?" "Not really. I've done this a few times in the past. Mainly before this pandemic started", he says reminding me of the fact that he is three years older than me. Naturally making it possible that their parents started looking for someone a while ago. "Oh", I nod my head and take a sip of the water placed in front of me as the waiter comes up to take our order. "One coffee for me and", he looks towards me as I take a glance through the menu card. "Vanilla milkshake", I pick the only non-coffee or chocolate drink that appealed to me. "You don't drink coffee?", he casually enquires turning towards me. "Yes. I don't like coffee or chocolate", I say my famous line which amazes everyone. People don't understand how can I not like chocolate ever since my childhood.  "Have you always been in this city?", he changes the subject instead of reacting to it like everyone else which makes me wonder if he doesn't care or he just doesn't judge. "Yes. I have studied here so far and we don't have grandparents which makes it very rare for us to even go to our parent's hometown unless someone gets married." "I see you've completed Engineering in Computer Science. Do you have any plans to study further?", the question I expected for sure is finally here and I don't know how to answer it. If I say I have plans for Business Management but I'm not sure if I will go through with it, he may think I'm indecisive. If I say I'm sure about it I'd be lying. It's not like I'm bad at lying or don't lie. I'm a kind of expert in that field but I don't see the point. "I'm currently working as Technical Consultant. I'm planning on doing MBA for now but depends on my mindset then I guess", I say being slightly skeptical at first but his small smile and nod understanding it makes me smile. We discuss the topic for a few minutes until we run out of things to discuss. Then follows the silence. My drink is also done and I don't know what to do. This is so awkward. I wonder first meetings are meant to be this awkward. It would have been so good if it was like Kushi and Muskan's. They started as normal girlfriends for over a year before realizing their feelings for each other. Tishya and Vivek's first meeting was not this awkward right? Tishya I knew back when until 2013 had her fair share of failed relationships and heartbreaks. She says she didn't take them that seriously either. But everything changed quickly when she met Vivek. April 2014- Tishya was writing her Sanskrit paper and the guy next to her was playing with the pen in his hands having completed his paper. She didn't prepare for that paper and she knew it would be a miracle if she gets passing marks. Having given up on the exam she placed her pen down and turned to talk to the guy next to her. "What's your subject?", The guy next to her was taken aback not understanding if she was talking to him. "French", he responds not expecting the conversation to continue.  "Gosh I hoped you were writing Sanskirt as well", she said sighing having given up on her paper.  "Sorry?", he was still a bit confused but wanted to continue the conversation. "I'm Tishya. What about you?", she asked the tall guy who later answered "Vivek." "What class are you from?" Their first meeting didn't last long though. After inquiring about what class they were in and talking about their subjects, they parted ways not expecting to meet each other again. But they did. They became quite good friends from the day he helped her with her Chemistry paper. She didn't think they were until one day he hurried her to the exam hall as she was late. Later that day they exchanged numbers. Vivek is a bit introverted, socially awkward guy who never starts a conversation with strangers or likes it. Thinking about it now makes it seem extra special now.  She says she will never forget that day or that conversation. Short and awkward as it was they both treasured it. Maybe this would be one of those stories if it works out but with a slightly less dramatic ending. Maybe I will remember it as the weirdest first date of my life. "What do you think about his whole arranged marriage situation?", Kaushik breaks our long silence with a question I didn't want to address. I don't like it or hate it. "I honestly don't know how to answer that", I give an awkward laugh waiting for him to judge me. He doesn't interestingly. He rubs the back of his neck with his hand and says "me too". "Why did you ask that question then?", I'm curious to know what he wants to say. It's kind of weird if he expected me to answer that question when he wasn't sure either. "I looked up few questions people generally ask in these kinds of meetings. I wasn't planning on using them but I wanted to break the silence", He trails off looking a bit skeptical wondering what my reaction would be. I laughed it off too as I've looked that up before coming as well. "You're not being forced to be here right?", he asks making me choke on my water. He hands me a tissue as I compose myself. "NO. Am I giving that vibe?", I ask as my cheeks heat up. I know I'm not thrilled with this whole thing but I did choose to come here. I don't put the guy in an uncomfortable situation. "Not really. You seem a bit silent so I just wanted to clear that out before we go any further." "I'm sorry but It takes me some time to get comfortable in front of strangers and on top of it this the fact that this is an arranged marriage meeting is not making it easier", I say deciding to be upfront about it. If he doesn't like it, It's not a problem for me. "I get that", he says laughing. "I don't think you do", I say trying not to scoff. "I mean I was like this too when I did this for the first time. I bet she thought I was some arrogant jerk", he says recalling his first arranged marriage meet. "Why do you say that?", I ask getting intrigued. I like stories like this. I can also assess him a bit more through it. "She was talking about everything people say they ask during these meetings and I was sitting there silently replying to her with 'yes' and 'no'. I don't know when I fazed out but she rolled her eyes at me and left abruptly as I answered 'yes' to a question. Later I got to know she asked me If I was being forced into this and If I thought she was boring me", he says again rubbing his nape with his hand. I guess it's something he does whenever he gets shy. "What about the next one?", I ask remembering he has said he had been to these kinds of meetings a few times in the past. "You remember it?", he asks sounding amazed with the fact that I was even listening to it. "Of course", I say smiling waiting for him to continue.  "Well the second one, she is a nice girl. I was also getting a bit better at these. We were having a proper conversation this time around but she calls me up later that day to tell me that she patched up with her boyfriend. She was left with no choice but to come because of her parents", he says and now I kinda understand as to why he had asked me that question earlier. "Did you like her?", I know I'm stepping beyond the line here a bit for some but I was curious. "Like you said this is hard to understand and we only met for one hour. I didn't think that far." "True", I respond nodding my head. After that, we just talked about the general questions expected to be asked. Not going too deep into it, avoiding the after-marriage expectation questions. Just then I receive a notification. I got a message from my project manager asking me to update the changes I've made as soon as possible. Saying he wouldn't have contacted me as it's a day off but this is kind of urgent. I then remember I still have two specifications to meet and I can't update it in time if I don't hurry now.  "What's the matter?", Kaushik asks as I reply to the team manager. "I'm sorry but I think I need to go. I don't mean to be rude but there is this project I'm assigned to and I need to submit it in two hours. If I leave now I may be able to submit it just in time", I say taking my phone and wallet before standing up. He stands up along with me looking very confused but trying to understand from the looks of it. "It was nice meeting you Kaushik", I smile at him and he smiles back before we wave each other goodbye. I wonder If I will be meeting him again. Mostly maybe not. "So how did it go?", Danny asks me as I attend the call after submitting my work. I don't know why I just can't relax about these once in a while. Anytime someone asks me to do something at work I get slightly anxious until I complete it. I don't want anyone to point their finger at me. "What?", I ask having not paid attention as to what he was saying. "You met the guy right?", he questions making me remember about that interesting but weird meeting today. I didn't even answer my parent's questions about it yet as I was in a hurry. "I forgot about that", I respond laughing out as I get a call waiting from Tishya. "Wait, Tishya is calling", I say putting Danny on hold. "Put her in the conference", he suggests and I do that. I still can't believe how fast these two became friends having no connection to each other than being my best friends. I'm glad they did though. "Hey how did it go?", Tishya asks being as curious as Danny to know the details.  "She says she has forgotten about him already", Danny says making fun of me as Tishya gives a dramatic gasp at the other end. "I was busy with work so it kinda slipped out of my mind", I say after scoffing at my two idiots "But today is your day off", she said and I start explaining the whole story. Including every detail, I could remember leaving it to them to assess it now. "Dude you just did what the second girl did right?", she says talking about his previous experience stories. "But I explained it to him that I've got some work to do though", I say not getting their point. "But still from his perspective, it may look like that", Danny says making me think back. They're right. How did I not see that. He may be thinking I just cooked up something. I know the first ones are always for a trial but I didn't expect it to end like this.  "Anyway it's just the first one right", Tishya says as we laugh off the weird end to a weird story. "Right."