Just One Date

Chapter 15 - reality check

The following day, we went to Burgos Lighthouse and visited Paoay Church.

I remembered how Tyler kidded and asked Bethany if she wants to get married to him in Paoay which is now recognized as one of the UNESCO heritage sites. And my cousin replied that she'd love to - but she prefer to have a different groom.

I would have normally laughed at Bethany's response, only if it didn't remind me of that time we went to Padre Pio Parish and Ethan told me that he'd marry me there. Suddenly Tyler's joke sounded sweet, not funny.

Before Tyler left three days ago, we tried the 4x4 ride in La Paz Sand Dunes. It was thrilling, but still not as enjoyable as my day with Ethan at the Stargazers'. The place was unquestionably amazing, but maybe it's Ethan's presence that I'm missing. Nothing beats that one date.

Panay rin ang yaya ni Bethany sa bahay ng mga kaibigan niya kaya lagi kaming nasa labas. It should have taken my mind off the fact that Ethan still hasn't made any effort in keeping in touch with me.

But it didn't.

It's already Sunday. Natiis niya ako ng isang linggo. No good morning or goodnight texts that serves as a reminder that he's thinking of me when he wakes up and before he sleeps. No 'wala lang' calls just to check on me at para magtanong kung kumain na ako. No sss messages to merely ask if I'm okay or how's my day.

Pagkatapos niya akong sanayin ng ilang taon na ganoon araw-araw, bigla niyang titigilan?

How could he stand it?

Sabagay, nalaman ko naman kay Mama na oathtaking pala ni Ethan a few days ago. Nabanggit niya iyon sa akin before our date but that was during the time when whatever he says were of no importance to me kaya hindi ko talaga naalala ang date.

Too bad. I should have been there. Big event iyon para sa kanya at sana nakita ko kung gaano siya kasaya. Kung naalala ko lang talaga na this week iyon, sana ipinagpaliban ko na muna ang pagpunta ng Ilocos.

The bus arrived at Cubao terminal thirty minutes earlier than scheduled. Kuya will pick me up and I texted just to inform him that I'm already here.

I felt an unexpected surge of excitement and smiled at the thought of seeing Ethan again. Sigurado akong kasama siya ni Kuya pagsundo. Siguro naman sapat na ang one week na pagpapa-miss niya.

I winced at the sun and shielded my eyes when I saw our Montero approaching.

I straightened up and grinned as I looked inside, only to find out na mag-isa lang si Kuya Brett sa loob ng sasakyan.

He went out of the car to take my luggage and we both got in after he threw my things at the backseat.

Himala, hindi kasama si Ethan.

Mukhang tinototoo talaga niya ang sinabi niya na lalayo siya sa akin.

Pero hindi rin, hindi makakatagal iyon.

"Si Bethany?" casual na tanong ni Kuya habang naglalagay ng seat belt.

"Sa isang araw pa siya babalik kasabay ni Tito Gene at Tita Zeny."

"Ah."

"Wala ka yatang kasamang asungot?" pasimpleng tanong ko when he started to manouver the car.

"Tulog pa si bunso nung umalis ako. Pagsabihan mo iyang si Kirk ha, masyado nang maraming oras na inaaksaya sa paglalaro sa tablet. Huwag mo nga palagi pahiramin," he said in a formal tone habang kunot ang noo.

He didn't take the hint. Sabagay ayaw ko naman talagang mahalata niya na hinahanap ko si Ethan. I have to be subtle kung ayaw kong paulanan niya ako ng kantyaw.

"Okay, ili-limit ko siya to one hour a day lang, pwede na ba iyon?"

Tumango lamang siya pero kunot pa rin ang noo na parang mainit ang ulo.

"Na-traffic ka ba? Sorry ha. Hayaan mo I'll learn how to drive sa summer. Bakit kasi hindi ka nagsama ng makakapalitan mo mag-drive?" I tried again.

"May lakad si Papa, sasamahan niya si Mama dun sa tinitingnan niyang furniture para sa shop."

Nakakainis naman itong kapatid ko, ang hina ng pick-up!

"Ahhmmm.... si Ethan?"

Nice. So much for being subtle.

He looked at me briefly and raised his brows.

"You want him out of your life, right? That's why you agreed to go out on that date in the first place. That was what your deal was about, hindi ba? So bakit mo siya hinahanap?" he retorted.

He sounded really pissed off na parang sa kanya ako may kasalanan at hindi kay Ethan. Nagsumbong kaya sa kanya si Ethan?

"Sinabi niya sa iyo?"

He gave me another side glance and smirked.

"We're bestfriends, Fenella. I hope you're also aware of that."

"What else did he tell you?"

"Iyon lang. Iyong one date deal ninyo tapos titigilan ka na niya."

Napatawa ako.

Tunay pala iyon? Seryoso talaga siya? Ang totoo kasi hindi ako naniniwala na kaya niya akong tiisin. Pero nag-eeffort siya ha.

Kuya darted me a look.

"What's funny?" he hissed.

Nagkibit balikat ako. I covered my mouth after that, stiffling another laughter.

"Alam mo Fenella? Kahit na kapatid kita at mahal kita, there are times na gusto kitang batukan."

"And I assume this is one of those times?" I teased but his eyes darkened.

He shook his head at me in disbelief.

"Do you realize kung gaano kabait at katino ang lalaking binasted mo, Fenella?"

I couldn't help but grin widely at his reaction. He's been calling me by full name at halatang inis na inis siya sa akin. Iisipin mo na siya ang nabasted sa itsura niya.

"You obviously don't," he concluded, sounding as if I have disappointed him in a big way.

"Cool, bro! Bakit ka nagagalit?"

Marahas siyang bumuntong hininga bago bumaling sa kalsada at hindi na muling nagsalita.

Nakakagulat na hindi bumuntot si Ethan sa kapatid ko kahit alam niyang susunduin ako.

But he'll be the one na ma-sha-shock kapag nalaman niya what that one date did to me and what decision I came up with while I was away from him.

I'm ready to give him a chance.

I leaned back and rested my head as Kuya drove quietly na parang malalim ang iniisip. Kapag nasabi ko kay Ethan na may pag-asa na siya, I'm sure si Kuya ang unang babalitaan niya at mawawala na ang pagka-bwisit niya sa akin.

It took us a a while to get home because of the traffic. When we reached the house, he opened the backseat without a word and took my bags bago dere-deretsong pumasok ng bahay.

I went back to the garage to close the gate but before I did that, I glanced at Ethan's house across the street. His car was parked at the garage. Mukhang walang tao sa loob dahil pati mga bintana ay sarado but everything else looks normal. Wala nga siguro siya sa kanila dahil malamang nasa loob siya ng bahay namin at sinasamahan si Kirk habang wala sina Mama.

I smiled at the newly-found hope and at the thought of finally seeing him again. It's been a few days at hindi ako sanay na hindi siya nakikita araw araw.

I'm sure nasa loob siya. And knowing him, he'll be greeting me with open arms, tell me that he terribly missed me and confess that he can't keep his promise to stay away from me.

I'm thinking I can return his hug this time. Anyway, na-miss ko naman talaga siya.

Tahimik ang bahay nang pumasok ako. Nakita kong iniwan ni Kuya sa sala ang mga bag ko at narinig ko siyang nagbukas ng ref sa kitchen.

"Kirk!" I hollered from downstairs para marinig niya ako kung sakaling nasa kwarto siya.

"Ate!" ganting sigaw nito. After that, I heard multiple footsteps rushing downstairs and expected to see Ethan following closely behind.

"Hindi ba sabi ko walang tatakbo sa hagdan!" saway ni Kuya mula sa kusina.

I waited in anticipation at the bottom of the stairs for Kirk and Ethan to come down but later on found out that Kirk was alone all along.

"Na-miss kita Ate! May pasalubong?" he asked enthusiatically and grinned at me.

"Syempre!" I replied as I smiled back at him, trying hard to hide my disappointment.

Hindi bale, I'll see Ethan tomorrow. Siguro hindi na siya makakatagal kapag nalaman niyang nandito na ako sa bahay. At kakausapin ko na talaga siya ng seryosohan.

Kinuha lamang ni Kirk ang mga dala kong pasalubong bago umakyat ulit sa kwarto niya. Sinundan ko naman si Kuya sa kusina at inabutan siyang nakaupo habang nilalaro ang susi ng sasakyan sa mesa.

"Hindi na rin ba natutulog si Ethan dito kahit noong wala ako?" I asked as casual as I possibly could.

He looked up and gave me a blank stare.

"Nakakailan ka na. Nagtatanga-tangahan ka lang ba o wala ka talagang alam?"

I was taken aback by his harsh response.

"Anong sinasabi mo? It was a harmless question, Kuya! Ano bang problema mo?"

He furrowed his brows and eyed me suspiciously.

"You mean hindi mo alam na umalis si Ethan?"

My heart started hammering against my chest. Bigla akong kinabahan.

"Umalis? Papunta saan?"

"Sa Italy, where else? Don't tell me hindi siya nagpaalam noong nag-date kayo? Hindi niya sinabi sa iyo?"

Parang bigla akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig.

"Anong Italy ang pinagsasasabi mo? Wala! Wala siyang sinabi! Wala akong alam."

I raked by brain to think of the things that he said. Oo may mga sinabi siya na parang nagpapaalam, biniro ko pa nga siya na may taning na ang buhay niya. He said he'll keep his distance but he never mentioned that he's leaving.

"Well now you know. Umuwi ang parents niya for his oathtaking, 3 days lang, sinadya lang talaga nila ang pag-attend. Sumama na si Ethan paalis."

At that, I heaved a sigh of relief.

"Ah, magbabakasyon," I concluded and smiled.

Tuwing Sem Break ay nagbabakasyon naman talaga si Ethan, nag-panic naman agad ako. Ngayon pa ba naman na pumasa siya sa LET? Of course his parents will reward him.

Kuya stared at me like I was a moron.

"It's a permanent vacation, Fenella. He's staying there for good," he stated seriously and fear krept over me.

"What do you mean?"

Did he finally agree with his parents to live with them? Bakit biglaan? Akala ko ba wala na sa plano niya iyon?

"Hinatid ko sila sa airport kahapon habang nasa Pampanga ka."

Napalunok ako sa sinabi niya. Parang may bumara sa lalamunan ko.

Hindi pwede. He has to be kidding.

I didn't speak but he probably noticed my worried expression.

"What do you care? This is what you want, right?" Kuya asked, looking at me straight in the eye.

May punto siya. I asked for this. Ginusto ko ito.

Or so I thought.

I waited for the punchline na inaasahan kong kasunod ng biro niya.

But it never came.

He threw the car keys on top of the counter table, opened the refrigerator and pulled out a can of rootbeer. He opened it and drank absent-mindedly without bothering to sit down.

He looked really sad.

"I will surely miss that guy," he said matapos bumuntong hininga.

Oh God, he can't be serious.

Seryoso talaga si Ethan this time. Kaya pala hindi na siya nagtext o nagparamdam. Umalis siya. Iniwan na niya ako.

I excused myself, hurried to my room and grabbed my laptop. Hindi ko maintindihan ang nararamdaman ko habang naglo-load ang f*******:.

Hindi ako iyong tipong laging nagbubukas or napo-post sa sss but this time matindi ang pangangailangan ko. I immediately typed Ethan's name and my shoulder slumped when I found out I couldn't access his account. He either unfriended me or totally blocked me. He also unfollowed me on Twitter.

I dialled his number on my phone, but it's no longer reachable. Even his Skype number was inaccessible.

Ganoon siya kadisididong umalis sa buhay ko.

Kuya was right, this is exactly what I wanted.

I shook my head and bit my lip.

It's what I thought I wanted.

But not anymore.

I was still staring at the screen of my laptop when a song blasted from the music player downstairs.

♫I lie awake thinkin' of the days gone by

Wishing that you're still here with me, baby

I was wrong and now you're gone

Please hear this heart of mine

Hear me calling ♫

The lyrics cut through my heart. Isang stanza pa lang, kumikirot na ang puso ko. That's exactly what I want to say, if only Ethan would hear me.

♫ Whenever you're around me

I feel diff'rent in your arms

With the way you touch me

I feel the love that last a lifetime

Your love so true

And I never knew

That it's you and me all this time ♫

Paano pa niya malalaman ang sasabihin ko kung bumitiw na siya?

♫ See these tears that keep fallin' from my eyes

Wishing that I never let you go, my baby

Take this heart, feel me with your love

Please hear these words of mine

Hear me calling ♫

I dragged myself to walk to the door and locked it. I don't want to listen to the song anymore, masyadong masakit. But the music was so loud and the melody went on, haunting me with its message.

♫ Whenever you're around me I feel diff'rent in your arms

With the way you touch me

I feel the love that last a lifetime

Your love so true

And I never knew

That it's you and me all this time ♫

My knee wobbled and I leaned my back on the door for support, my eyes starting to fill. Parang bigla akong nanghina. I allowed myself to slowly slide down until I was already sitting on the floor with my back against the door.

♫ Your love so true

I never knew

That it's you I need all this time

All this time

All this time ♫

I have no right to ask why Ethan left me. I pushed him away.

I have no right to blame him. It was my fault.

I have no right to wish this isn't happening. I asked for this.

And at the end of it all, I know I'm the one to blame.

I hugged my knee as the song ended. Reality started sinking in and before I knew it, I was sobbing.

I can't believe how badly I'm hurting. I can't believe I'm actually crying for him. But that's the only thing I can think of doing right now.

This isn't just a nightmare.

This is all true.

Ethan is really gone.