Love Me Again, Sweetheart

I was about to visit my boyfriend in his apartment to ask him about us. Kasi magmula ng may nangyari sa aming dalawa ay hindi na kami nag-usap pa. Sakto rin, I received a text message from him. He wants to meet me at the restaurant nearby so I replied yes. I was so excited when I went there because I got the chance to see him again. What’s his job? He’s an Architect Engineer but then he became the personal bodyguard of the daughter of Mr. Aurelio dela Vega, the third wealthiest man in the country. He rarely visited me because of his job as a bodyguard. So, back to the story. Nang makarating na ako sa sinabi niyang restaurant ay halos gusto kong sumayaw sa tuwa. He’s sitting there waiting for my arrival. I waved at him as I walked inside. “Maya, take a seat.” First name basis kami. Yes, that’s what he’s been calling me ever since naging kami. “Is there anything you want to tell me?” I smiled. He only ordered a carbonara for himself so I just ordered a slice of cheesecake and a hot chocolate from their dessert menu. His aura's too dark right now. I mean, he's not usually like this. I feel like there's really going on or that there's something he wanted to tell me. “Let's break up.” Para akong nabingi sa sinabi niyang iyon. It's as if there's a big bell which rings beside my ear. “W-What?” Seriously? He's breaking up with me now? Is it for real this time? Why? “W-Why? Did I ever do something that makes you upset? Did I ever disappoint you?” He left out a sigh. “I just can't make a fool of myself again and again. I just can't love you back Maya. I just can't. I don't want to live and be tailed by lies. Nakokonsensya ako sa tuwing maisip kita. I'm so sorry for taking advantage of your love and for using you to forget what I really felt towards another girl. Hurt me if you want, I'll never stop you.” He said as he held my hands and made it punch his face. I made a fist out of it but never dared to hurt him. Binawi ko ang kamay ko at pilit na ngumiti. I've been preparing for this my entire life at ngayon na narito na ay hindi ko na naman alam kung ano ang dapat gawin. He was so in love with Mildred dela Vega. I never asked when, I never asked how, nor I asked why. I didn't ask anything because I was afraid, I might get hurt by his answers. “I don't know what to say to you, Xandros. But if it makes you happy then I'll set you free.” I stood up and was about to leave when my stomach growled. I'm hungry! Therefore, I swallowed my pride. Bad stomach, bad timing! I sit, eat my cheesecake and drink my hot chocolate as it arrives. I never speak to him nor throw glances at him. Basta ang gusto ko ay maubos ang lahat ng ito at para makaalis na. Nang makalabas na ako ay saka ako nakaramdam ng sakit. Gusto kong umiyak pero naisip ko na nasa public place pa ako. Mabigat ang damdamin ko at wala man lang akong magawa para maiwasan ito. Without a second thought, I deleted all of our pictures on my phone. I deleted everything that reminded me of him, even his contact number. Pero never ko siya in-unfriend sa social medias account ko nor block him. Instead, I just unfollowed him so that I will never get a chance to see his posts. I tried deleting all the photos I've posted with him pero nahihirapan ako dahil sa dami ng mga ito so I decided to just delete my own account instead, on all social media platforms. “Are you really sure you’re going to leave? Your mind won’t change?” My friend Leah asked me. She’s been my most trusted friend so far. She’s with me in every battle as well. I turned to her and smiled. “Yeah, but don’t worry because I still have your number and tatawagan din naman kita.” I answered her. Someone may think that the hardest part of being alive is saying goodbye but I disagree because the hardest part of being alive is to make decisions. Especially when the decisions I made were all against my own will. Kinakailangan kong pumili kung ano ang mas matimbang. I haven’t been ready for this but I don’t have any other choice. I need to choose what’s best for me. “Mag-iingat ka.” Hikbi niya pero pinigilan ko ang aking sarili na maiyak. Not this time. Today, a decision has been made and that’s for me to leave. Wala naman na akong rason para manatili. He broke up with me already so I didn’t have any reasons to stay. Wala rin akong balak na hilahin siya pabalik dahil desisyon niya naman iyon. Mas lalong ayaw ko rin ipilit ang sarili ko sa kanya. The saddest thing is that, I know he never really loved me from the start. Ako lang ang nagpupumilit na sumiksik at pumasok sa mundo niya. “You don’t have to leave.” I know. I also didn’t want to because I still want to see his smiles and hear his laughs but I can’t stay because I’m pregnant with his child! Not that I don’t want him to see our child, of course I would love them to know each other but I don’t want him to choose me because of this little one in my belly. His happiness is my top priority and his only happiness is Mildred. How could I ever rob that? Ayaw kong ipagkait pa sa kanya ang kalayaan niya dahil lang sa magiging anak namin. It’s better this way. “Thanks for taking your time para ihatid ako, Ley.” Sabi ko sa kanya saka tumalikod na. Sumakay ako ng bus at habang nasa biyahe ay hindi ko maiwasang isipin ang hiwalayan na naganap kahapon lang. “Saan po kayo bababa?” I came to my senses nang marinig ko ang boses ng konduktor na nasa harapan ko na pala. Sinabi ko sa kanya kung saan ako bababa at agad naman niya akong binigyan ng ticket kung saan nakalagay kung magkano ang babayaran ko. I tried to divert my attention to other things but my mind won’t cooperate. Spade Xandros Ruston, I will miss you. I touched my stomach where there's a tiny human living inside. I'll do everything to fulfill your father's place, my love. Mamahalin kita higit pa sa pagmamahal na ibinibigay ko sa iyong ama.