How Deep is Your Love?

29 - Natalie

The next few days from that day was quite peaceful.

Peaceful? I thought to myself as I tried to get a better word to describe it but nothing came out. Yeah. Maybe that’s the perfect word to describe it. It was quite peaceful because I didn’t even try to talk to him and ignored him since that day.

It’s now weekend and both of us are now seated on his private plane that is bound to England. Thankfully, with all the sulking, I was able to finish all the designs needed for my shop on time and sent them to my assistant this morning just before their flight. I noticed Brian’s hesitant gazes on me while we waited and got on the plane but I still kept my silence. I completely continued to not mind him as much as possible and would only occasionally talk to him if ever needed. Technically speaking, I was just doing what he wanted.

And he didn’t even try to reach out after that day. My mind said and I sighed to cover up the pain of that truth. Now I think that maybe, even if I ignore him forever, he wouldn’t really mind at all. He may even die of happiness.

I got slightly startled when he suddenly got up from his seat and went to the restroom. I let out a long sigh. I actually didn’t know how I managed to ignore him and give him a silent treatment but I guess I was pretty hurt from our last encounter. We just boarded the plane and it will take off anytime soon. Just then, his phone which was left on his counter began vibrating and rang silently until it went off. My eyes went towards the direction of the restroom and he’s still inside. The phone vibrated again and thought that maybe it was an important call. So I then stood up and reached out for it but immediately regretted my decision when I saw who is calling.

Joana. Of course. I thought to myself as I gulped down my sorrows and returned the phone from where it was before going back to my seat. It ended once more. I looked out the window and focused on the other planes in view.

Brian came into view and I mentally thanked my timing. I just then pretended to be asleep. He might explode once again if he catches me checking on his phone. I scolded myself for being such an i***t and for being nosy enough to even check who’s calling. I just hope that my fake sleep-acting wouldn’t be so obvious. And just then, I heard his phone vibrating again.

“Hello.” Brian answered gently and that sound of his voice made me feel like crying.

That gentleness. I thought as pain resurfaced inside me. I knew perfectly who’s the one calling from the other line. Of course, I’d be jealous. He wouldn’t even talk to me that way.

“Yes. We’ve already boarded.” I heard him reply as he may have shifted on his seat until he felt comfortable. “Uhm. Yes. The conference is only for 3 days. Yes. I will be spending 2 days more in there. Yes. With her.”

Her? I don’t know why but him referring to me as her hurts? My heart lurched as he continued to speak over the phone. So, Joana knew that were on the plane now going to England? And she’s okay with it? Now Brian is even telling her how many days will be out stay there? Even when she knew that he’s already married to me, she still decided to pursue him and continued to be with him? And Brian? Is he cheating on me with her?

All of those question swirled in my mind at that moment as I tried my best to suppress the pain I’m feeling.

Do they really love each other that much that they would even continue whatever relationship they have even though he’s already married? I thought bitterly.

“Yes. Take care too. I will message you once we landed and checked in on the hotel.” He continued. “Okay. Yes. Yes. Fine. Love you too.”

Love you too? He said that. Love. I just heard him say that over the phone. Love you too. I thought and felt terrible. That means he still loves her, right? Even though I am already his wife, I still couldn’t make him say those words to me too. What else would I expect? I just forced him to marry me. And so now, even though I am already his wife, he is still not in love with me.

That thought made me shift on my seat and acted like I covered my face with the blanket. Truth be told, I can no longer stop my tears from falling. And so after I made sure that my back’s facing him and that my face is fully covered, I let my tears silently fall, hoping that my shoulders wouldn’t shake while crying. Just then, the flight attendant came to inform us that everything is ready and that they’ll take off the next minute.

At that moment, I wish the plane to England would fly so fast so we can finally reach the hotel and I can sulk in my room and lick my wounds.

***

I was all alone in the room after a few hours from landing. Thankfully, he went straight to the company’s headquarters and I was left in our supposed room all by myself. That way, I was able to cry my heart out without worrying of being discovered.

Is it really too hard for him to love me back? I thought and cried out more. Is it really that hard to love someone like me?

I did that until I fell asleep.

***

I stood in front of the gates of his university in the capital as soon as his classes were done. I secretly contacted Kian, his best friend, and asked for their schedule today. It’s been a year since he started college, a year since he left the estate and lived in the capital. And it’s also been almost a year since I last saw him. He became too busy with his studies and internship in their company that he didn’t even came to visit the estate for a very long time. Even during my 17th birthday, he didn’t bother to come nor even send me a birthday greeting. Gladly, he sent me a journal as a present and I loved it. Tita Lorie must have noticed my constant questions about him. She’s the one who’d often go here in the capital and visit him in the company whenever she misses her son. Most of the time, she brings me to the capital so that I can also see Brian but he’ll always find so many excuses every time just so he wouldn’t meet me. It was an outright rejection. I know. But what can I do, I like him a lot to give him up just like that. Though it hurts, I still wanted to give it my all. After all, he is my first love.

And so now, I decided to do things on my own. We have a short term break at school and I specifically asked Tita Lorie if I can go and spend my break in the capital and stay with Brian in his Penthouse. I know that Nina, an old lady, stays with Brian from time to time in the Penthouse to help him in cleaning the house and cooking. With that knowledge, I know that Tita Lorie will let me go. Even though everyone knew me as Brian’s fiancé, she’s still very conservative and didn’t want any rumor to come out especially that I’m still a minor. So then Tita Lorie arranged for a car to bring me here and I asked her to keep it a secret because I wanted to surprise him.

‘Surprise him? Duh? Why didn’t you just say that you don’t want him to find out right away because he’ll be able to figure out another excuse to avoid you?’ My brain mentally scolded and slapped me.

I sighed with that realization but then again, I’m already here in the capital, in front of their university gates. There’s no backing out now. And so I continued to peep through the balustrades, arching my neck from right to left so I can see him and not miss him when he finally comes out. Just then, I received a message from Kian saying that they just got out of their room and is now heading to the gates. My heart pounded so rapidly as I slightly brushed my hair and fixed my glasses. I also secretly used my lip balm to make sure they’re not dry and smack them once, trying to summon all my confidence.

“Hey, miss. You’ll soon turn into a giraffe if you keep extending your neck like that.” A voice from behind interrupted me and so I turned around to see who it was.

“Do I know you?” I asked and slightly tilted my head to the side.

“Nope. But I have been eyeing you since earlier and I actually wanted to know you.” The guy said and flashed me a gentle and shy smile.

“Why do you want to know someone who’ll turn into a giraffe soon?” I asked and he was stunned for a moment before bursting into a loud laughter.

“See? I knew it. You’re fun!” He commented afterwards and so I smiled and chuckled with him as well.

He was about to say something again when my phone vibrated and Kian sent me a message saying that they’re already in the gates. Turning back to the gates, I then saw the very man of my dreams. It’s been way too long since I last saw him and seeing him this time confirms the longing I felt these past months of his absence. There he was, gorgeously walking with a bag pack on his right shoulder, his hair brushed up in a cool way and on his hand was another bag for his laptop. My breath hitched as I watched him walk towards my direction, he was straightly looking at me, his forehead creased and his lips was with a slight frown. I was so transfixed on my spot as I admired how gorgeous he is.

“You know him?” The guy who was talking to me earlier blurted out.

I looked at him and proudly smiled. “Yes, he’s my fiancé.”

“Oh.” He reacted shortly.

“Excuse me.” I said politely before I slowly walked away.

If only Brian would notice me and acknowledge our engagement, it would be so amazing. If that happens then I could just go right now and run towards him and embraced him with all my might and show him how much I missed him.

‘But why not do it? I am his fiancé, right? I have the right to do that.’ I thought and debated for a second. In the end, I chose to follow my heart and cancelled my second thoughts right away.

“Brian!” I called out loudly and smiled sweetly before I hastily ran towards and embraced him tightly, hanging my arms around his neck. He froze in his stance as soon as my arms enveloped him. I think he was truly surprised on what I did. I hugged him tightly and said, “I missed you so much.”

I was about to close my eyes and feel the moment when I felt him pull away from me and removed my arms around his neck. His face creased and brows met as he looked behind me and glared at something before turning his eyes back at me with an obvious irritation on his face. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“It’s our term break and I missed you and I wanted to see you. So I came. I’m so glad to finally see you.” I said cheerfully as I adjusted my glasses, ignoring his annoyed look. I was already a bit used to seeing his face like that towards me anyway.

“And you think I wanted to see you?” Brian asked and I immediately felt hurt with his words. He is always straightforward.

“It’s fine if you don’t. I wouldn’t really bother you while I’m here.” I said in a rush to hide my embarrassment as I turned to Kian who was standing behind Brian. I slightly smiled and waved at him. “Hi, Kian.”

“Natz.” Kian greeted back and nodded his head.

“Kian, we’re going. Thanks, man.” Brian said but his eyes were all on me.

“Bye!!!” I said politely to Kian and waved my hand when he then suddenly grabbed my arm and pulled me until we reached his car which is not too far from the gates. “Get in.”

I obeyed him and went into his passenger seat right away, putting my seatbelt on. He then sighed as soon as he got to the driver’s seat and threw his bag and laptop at the back seat. Then without a word, he started the car and we took off.

“Why didn’t you even tell me that you were coming?” He asked with his very serious voice.

“I wanted to surprise you.” I said quite shyly and turned my gaze outside the window.

“Well then it’s a bad surprise. You shouldn’t have bothered to come.” Brian said loudly.

“Well then I guess you didn’t miss me at all.” I replied as I turned to him and gave him a small smile, trying to still save a bit of my face in front of him.

“It’s nothing to be guessed about, really. You should clearly know that. Truly, I don’t miss you at all. And I won’t. Ever.” Brian responded, his baritone voice said with a bit of disdain. “Why would I?”

“Yeah. I know. Why would you, right?” I said in a small and sad voice before turning my eyes back outside the window.

He’s always like this whenever he talks to me though. That’s also why I couldn’t understand my heart. My heart helplessly fell for him. Why would I even fall in love with a guy who in fact he treats me like this? That, I don’t know.

“Sorry then.” I added after composing myself and faced him. I don’t like him getting mad at me.

“Sorry?” He asked, a bit surprise for my sudden apology.

“Yes. I don’t like you to get mad at me, Brian. So, sorry for coming. Sorry for not telling you. I just…I just thought that it was a good idea. But it’s not.” I said sincerely, my voice a bit trembling. I tried to control it but it still wavered. “I didn’t see you for almost a year now and every time I came with Tita Lorie, you’re always busy and we never had the chance to meet for a long time. So…I…I just really missed you. That’s all. That’s why I came to see you. I didn’t tell you because I know that if you knew, you would surely avoid me.”

I waited for his response but for a couple of minutes, but he didn’t say anything. And so I sighed, a bit anxious of what he’s thinking.

“Don’t be mad at me, Brian. I’m sorry.” I said once more as I looked at him. “If…if my timing is really bad and you’re busy then I’ll go back to the estate now if you want me to. As soon as we get to your penthouse, I will get my things and go back to the estate.”

He let out a loud sigh and glared at me. “And you think you can simply do that? And then what? My mom will call me and scold me for letting you go back so soon? Then once again you’ll act pity and be the victim while I turn into a monstrous villain, right?”

“No. Of course not. I will explain everything to Tita Lorie. She won’t scold you. This is all my idea anyway. I never played victim.” I replied right away.

“Whatever. Just shut your mouth there.” He said as he continued to drive.

***

I woke up with a bloated face and puffy eyes. I immediately went to the restroom and wash my face.

“Why did I even dream about that? Hah.” I said and sighed as I splashed the cold water into my face.

After being able to slightly manage what I look like, I finally went back to bed and laid there, thinking of what I should do now. I checked the time and it’s already past 8 in the evening. Just then, my stomach growled angrily. Brian must have eaten dinner in the company. With that thought, I sighed and immediately prepared myself. After all the thinking, I decided to go out and grab myself something to eat and thought that I can think a bit clearer when I’m full.

***