Meadow of ash trees

Beep. beeeep. Beep Turning over I hit the bright red button on top of the old fashioned faded green alarm clock on the small bedside table. Rubbing my eyes I Lifting my head to read the flashing time 5:30 am. Ugggh I forgot that I worked the morning shift at the cafe today. Still a little groggy I sat up in my small twin bed and let my eyes adjust to the darkroom around me. I quietly got out of bed and made my way across the worn-out carpet to the small closet. Slowly turning the door handle, not daring to make a sound, I stepped into the closet and closed the door behind me before pulling the yellowing string just to see a closet with only three pairs of clothes in it. I grabbed my uniform, a simple black t-shirt faded blue jeans and a blue and black striped apron. Turning the light off and leaving the closet I tiptoed past the other two girls still asleep in their beds to the bathroom. I swiftly changed out of my to small pink nightgown and turned to the sink. I pulled my hairbrush out of the broken gray cabinet above the toilet. Taking my auburn hair in one hand I twisted my hair into a loose bun looking straight in the cracked dirty mirror I applied a thin layer of lip gloss on my lips then just stared at my honey-colored eyes. I couldn’t help but notice that I had the same dullness to my eyes that a zombie would have, dead, cold, but somehow still alive. Splashing some water on my face I turned my back on my reflection and decided to grab my phone. s**t, it’s 5:50 I’m going to be late.  I grabbed my tattered black bookbag off one of the many rusted hooks on the back of the door and left the bathroom.  “Ash is that you” I hear a tiny voice whisper from the darkness looking to my left. I see Emily. Emily was only five;  the poor girl. she lost her parents in a car crash and had no other family.  “Yes, it's me. Go back to sleep sweety.”  I whispered back to her. Not waiting to hear her response I left the room and walked down the creaky steps taking one at a time to the front door, where I put on my black combat boots and opened the front door of the orphanage stepping out into the chilly Colorado air.       The walk to work was short and quiet. The only sounds were my footsteps and the sound of a car humming in the distance. At six in the morning, there weren't that many people out walking around. In the summer I work at the cafe for the rest of the year seeing as I’m only 16 I go to school. Colorado is pretty boring if you're not an athlete, like hiking and kayaking, or a stoner, unfortunately, I'm none of these things so I just spend my money on useless things and necessities. The sun was barely starting to rise when I got to the cafe. The bright yellow building was old and dingy causing the cafe to look rundown even though it wasn't. Pushing open the glass door a bell chimed and my co-worker poked his head around the steel kitchen door “ Hay ash what's up,” said Jose.  “ Nothing much what's up with you '' Jose was tall and well built. The managers liked to have him work in the morning because of his intimidating looks, but he was actually a chill guy. (The cafe wasn't in the best of neighborhoods, I wouldn’t really say we had gang violence like other places do but we have a big drug problem.)   Giving me a quick smile he went back to the kitchen to do whatever it was he was doing before I arrived. Putting my book bag behind the blue counter I grabbed a rag from the white bucket and headed to the dining room. I took all the metal chairs off the table and wiped them all. This early in the morning not many customers came in, just a few men in their sixties who come in every day. However today someone new came in. It was a man well built and in his early thirties with graying black hair wearing baggy jeans and a faded yellow shirt. I walked over to the table in the corner that he sat at.   “ hi, my name is Ash. I will be your server today here is the menu. I will be back in a minute to get your order.” I smiled politely as I handed him the menu.  He smiled at me but his smile was too wide and toothy. he brushed his hand against mine at first, I thought it was a coincidence until his hand lingered over mine a little too long. I was completely uncomfortable so I walked away as quickly as I could and staled for a while before going back to take his order. I made sure to keep my distance from his side of the table for the rest of the time he was in the cafe. Trying to move on I Put the thought of him to the back of my mind and continued with my work. Finally, it was time for me to leave excited I took my apron off and stuffed it in my bag before I could leave my manager Tayler stopped me “ hay I know you clocked out already but could you take the trash out? '' not seeing any reason not to, I said yes. Dragging two industrial bags behind me through the backdoor to the narrow isolated alley the heavy metal door slammed shut behind me. I felt someone grab me from behind and push me against the wall I tried to scream but found a hand on my mouth so all that came out was a muffled sound not loud enough for anyone but me to hear. Pressure started to build in my chest as I try to push myself free by clawing at their hands and kicking behind me with my feet I couldn't scream I couldn’t fight I don’t want this. my panic was starting to rise as I felt the hand that was holding me against the wall move to unbutton my jeans. Even though I knew no one could hear me I was still screaming still fighting. the Pressure kept building in my chest as I continued to fight. out of nowhere, it's like the pressure in my chest exploded out of my body and a deafening sound boomed out. I could no longer feel the man on me. With a ringing in my ear like a boom just went off I quickly rebuttoned my pants and turned around ready to fight who and saw the creep from the cafe. He laid unconscious with so much blood flowing from his head I thought he had to be dead. He must have hit the ground pretty hard. Scared that I may have just killed a man with some weird supper power, I banged on the metal door and Taylor answered looking at me with wide eyes. She called the police and sent me home. She told me she saw the whole thing on the camera. She saw and didn't even try to stop it.  On my way home I rationalized with myself I couldn’t have possibly done it it is not my fault he slipt. he fell. Even if It didn't seem like he was unsteady. When I got home I ran straight to the shower and scrubbed every inch of my skin till it was raw and red I wanted every trace of what happened gone so I got ride of my uniform along with texting Taylor I quit. I got into bed and hoped when I woke in the morning this would all be a dream.     I ended up waking up at one in the morning to darkness. You would think I would be used to waking up in the same bed I’ve had for 16 years, but sometimes I dream about waking up in a bed with room to move and a mom to comfort me after a bad dream. Curling into a ball I let myself just cry for what felt like hours. with a sigh I jumped out of bed and went to the bathroom. I just stared at myself in the mirror. My honey eyes pierced straight through me, they were telling me that it was my fault. It’s my fault no one wants me it’s my fault. I was the one that caused what happened yesterday.  My anger boiled over and my fist slammed straight down on the sink. the sink shattered water and porcelain sprayed everywhere hitting me in the face and as if I was in a trance my anger faded completely. Realizing what happened I looked down at my hands. How did I do that? I had never worked out a day in my life. I could barely lift the boxes at work. Running out of the bathroom in a panic not caring if I woke anyone I ran down the stairs and out the front door. What am I? Am I some kind of monster?