Chapter Fourteen: Like Every Good Country Song
755 Words
Vera and I discussed everything under the sun while reviewing the menu, and deciding on lunch. We talked about her parents and how they always seemed more concerned with her life and her 'making bad choices' than if Colt was up to no good. They concerned themselves so much with her ending up in a bad situation, that they never gave Colt the same rules, nor did they ever hold him to the same standard. Don't get me wrong, they are wonderful, loving parents – I am not denying that, but they do not hold their children in the same regards. Often that's the situation of many parents that only have two children. One child receives the stricter hand of regulation where as another is left to make decisions and choices with little interference of their parents.
I lost myself in daydreaming of a life where my children and Vera's children played together in a field of wildflowers. We always mentioned how our children would be best friends as well. When I dreamt of having a husband and a family, it as always with Colt, and Vera would become my sister. However, in the blink of an eye – in the off thought of something more... I had changed my mind. I knew I loved Colt, but seeing Vera in this situation, made me place myself there, and imagining who I wanted a child with, and I couldn't see a face. I saw a silhouette of a man, standing next to me, with a curly haired child. For once, my entire life didn't revolve around Colt, and I was terrified to figure out what that meant for us.
Vera spoke up, looking at me while finishing her bite of food, and asked how I was doing. I looked up at her, with caution in my eyes, as she reassured me with a very serious facial expression that she was concerned. I explained what happened with Colt, how everything erratically progressed into this whirlwind of rekindled romance, including the drama that ensues, all within the last weekend. It was so much, and so quickly. I think we were both overwhelmed with emotions and made a mistake of rushing into things. I hesitated, when I voiced this to Vera, since she wasn't just my best friend.
She agreed, and then she went on to express her thoughts on the entire situation, and reiterated that Colt and I needed to go our separate ways, and allow each other to figure life out without the other interfering. We had our time together, and now; we needed to find our time away from one another. We didn't know how to exist without defining each other by who the other was, and that wasn't the healthiest of situations.
I was torn apart from end to end... I had these concerns, and I thought them to myself, but to hear another person, that is so close to both of us voice the same concerns and thoughts... It was shattering. I was struggling with the decision of holding on to Colt, and holding him and myself back from living life – and selfishly holding on to him. He was the only real love I had ever known.
As Vera and I went our separate ways, I dreaded having this conversation with Colt. I've already hurt him so much before, I didn't know how I would bring myself to doing it again. I didn't want to hurt him, I didn't want to hurt myself again, either. I felt the tears fill my eyes as I started to dive away from the café, and head back to the house. I knew I needed to make thisquick, and painless.
If I wanted to remain in Colt's life at all. He needed to understand where I was coming from, and why I felt the way I did. I couldn't let this fester inside of me any longer.When I got back to the house, I walked in and heard Colt watching football in the living room. He greeted me with a smile, as I sat down in the recliner across from him. I shot him a half assed fake smile, and he saw right through it.
"How was your date with my sister?", he turned the tv off and sat up.
"It was good. I had a lot on my mind I needed to talk to her about."
"Everything okay? You seem kind of down."
"Not really... I have a lot going on in my head right now."
- Writer
