Flashbacks: Head Versus Heart

Chapter Six: Surreal

My head was everywhere, but here. I had no idea what any of this meant.

Why was this happening? What did Colt expect would come of this? What did -I- expect would come of this? I needed to get in the shower and clear my head before my brain became a jello dessert that someone put their fist into.

I grabbed my things and headed to Colt’s bathroom. He had a small bathroom off his bedroom, Vera did too. They were set up very similar, but decorated differently. Colt’s bathroom had a small potpourri basket on the toilet that I’m sure his mom changed out because it smelled like fresh leather boots with hints of vanilla.

As soon as I got in the shower, I zoned out. My thoughts scrambled like eggs on a Sunday morning. What was I thinking? How could I have been so stupid. I heard something while I was washing my hair, so I wiped the soap out of my eyes and peered out of the shower curtain. Colt was stark naked, brushing his teeth. Not a care in the world, it seemed. Yet, my thoughts were driving me mad. As I stepped out, he handed me a small robe.

“It’s one of mine, but it’ll get the job done”, he seemed very unsure of himself today. I got out and sat on the bathroom counter while I brushed my hair and teeth, while Colt showered. It seemed like he rushed to get out. He wrapped a towel around his waist, walked over, and stood next to me. I found myself zoning out staring at the beads of water dripping down his chest to the ‘V’ of his crotch. The longer I stared at him the more I realized he wasn’t the young teenaged boy I fell in love with. His body had matured just as his mind had. He no more and started to speak to me, when the bathroom door opened, and Vera waltzed in.

“Oh… Colt… gross… What are you doing here?”, she seemed surprised but was trying not to show it. “I didn’t see your truck, so I thought Peri was alone. ”

“I kind of live here too.” his face in a snotty disregard.

“Oh… Did I walk in on something? You know what, don’t answer that. I came in to tell you, Peri… that I got home. I’m going to sleep before Tommy’s party. ”

“Tommy Franks is having a party this weekend?” I was so excited! I wonder who’s all going?

“I forgot to tell you! I almost decided against us going, since Colt would be there, but since you two already look friendly again, I think it’s safe to say we can all go. ”

“Go to bed, Vera, you’re talking out of your neck again.” Colt snapped back with another snotty composure. They still fought like they were five-year-old children.

“GOODNIGHT LADIESSS”, Vera raised her hands up like she was on fire and rushed out.

After Vera left, Colt waltzed over with a devious smirk on his face. He placed his hands on my hips and pressed his forehead to mine. He pulled me in close to him, kissed me sweetly and let out a small chuckle.

“Hey, can we go to my apartment? I want my truck here. I don’t like not being able to get going when I feel like it. ”

“Yeah… We can do that. ” I can’t expect too much given the situation. I’m not sure what I was assuming would happen after this morning.

“Sweet. I don’t want to be trapped here, you know better than anyone else, how Vera can be. I appreciate you doing this for me.”

“For sure. Don’t want to be stuck here. ” There was a brief silence and Colt looked at me with a serious face and looked at the ground and then back up at me before speaking.

“I would be stuck anywhere with you okay? It’s not you, and I don’t want you to feel like what I said was directed toward you, Peri.”

“I didn’t say anything!” But I was definitely thinking it! How did he know?

“You didn’t have to. I know you, and I know that face you make and the entire change in your tone when you’re upset.” He was exactly right.

I was worried he meant being stuck with me. We both were evading the question of discussing what happened earlier. Do people not do that anymore? Has it just become socially acceptable to sleep with someone without questioning where that person stands emotionally? Has it just become something of a physical interaction, as opposed to a meaningful encounter? Am I reading into this too much? There my mind goes wondering incessantly again.

“Colt, can I ask you something?”

“Always, what’s up?”

“It’s about earlier… can I still ask?” I felt a tsunami of feelings rushing over me.

“Peri, of course.” He grabbed on to my hand and looked right into the depths of my soul. It was almost terrifying, yet reassuring at the same time.

“Was that a ‘hey, it’s been a while’ thing, or was it something more? I was thinking about it…” before I could finish he cut me off…

“Everything with you, is something more. You’re not every other girl – you’re the girl. I’ll be honest, if you’re asking – I don’t know what earlier was. I don’t know what any of this is. What I know is… I missed you, and I want to see where things can go this weekend, but we’ve had a lot of time apart from each other. We need to spend time together to figure each other out again.”

“I agree. I’m glad we both feel the same way about it. I was worried it was only something s****l for you.” It was way more than only s*x for me, so much more.

“Why would you worry about that? Never worry about that with me. ”

“I missed you, Colt. I was so worried about coming back here and seeing you and having my heart broken because you’ve moved on… or something else equally devastating.”

“Regardless of where we after this weekend. I will and have always loved you, first. Never question how I feel about you. That’s one thing, I’m sure of.” My entire being radiated from my heart outward. He had no idea how much this meant to me. I still couldn’t help but worry about where things would go after this weekend.

I have so much to figure out in only four days. I want to enjoy the time we have together, but I had so much on my mind. What if this was the last time we spent together? What if we did work things out and ended up being together until we were ancient? I need to stop overthinking the situation.

“I won’t let you down, I’m all about making this weekend about seeing where it takes us – if that’s where your head is at, too.” He chimed in while I had been staring off in to space worrying about everything beyond my control.

“I want that too… but I don’t understand how it would work, living so far away from one another.”

“Let’s cross that bridge when we get there. I want to make this weekend – wherever it goes, one we both look back on and can say we gave it all we had, and either it worked, or it was the best second-almost-kinda-breakup we ever had.” He was right – we owed it to one another to at least give this one last risk-it-all try. “I’m starving now, let’s get some lunch, and head out to my place. You’ll really like it. It smells exactly like the locker room did on Friday nights.” He laughed again.

I loved seeing him so happy and full of life.