Trouble and I

Try to Forget

Sleep never came to me during my first night with the Gray family, not that I expected it to anyway. I never could sleep longer than a couple of hours at a time since the accident.

I stayed awake during the entire night staring at what seems to be my room, though it doesn’t feel like mine, it feels just like four walls. I sit on the edge of the bed before standing, seeing that the sun is rising.

When my feet touch the carpet, Boots hops up as well, stretching his limps. Smiling at him, I wander to the bathroom that’s connected to the room. For the first time in my life, I have a bathroom conjoined to my room.

Standing in the mirror, I lean on the counter to stare at myself but instantly can’t stand what I see. My reflection mirrors my mother, the thing that angers me most about my appearance.

It seems no matter where I go, no matter what I do, she is always apart of it. Always the cause of the misfortunes of my life, she’s the goddamn reason for everything!

Being constantly reminded that I resemble her doesn’t help me, it helped no one.

Sighing out in frustration, I continue to get myself ready for the day, never once glancing at my reflection again. Once dressed and ready I leave the bathroom and give Boots his morning rubs and affection.

Leaving the room with Boots right on my heels, I slowly descend the stairs hearing the chatter coming from the ground floor. Once on the ground floor, Boots runs to into the area where the chatter is coming from.

Following him, I’m greeted by the smiling faces of the Gray family, accompanied by a different variety of food. Nathan sits at the head of the table with my mother to his right and Cole and Mya to his left.

“Good morning.” They greet simultaneously.

I wince at how robotic they sound, “Morning.” I smile tightly.

“Join us for breakfast, Kara?” Nathan asks but it sounded more of a command than a question.

Never wanting to pass up on food I agree, “Sure, I should let Boots out first though.”

Nathan waves me off, “The housekeepers will do that.”

I pause in my movements to stare at Nathan like he’s grown a tail. My mother stares wide-eyed at him, silently speaking to him through her eyes.

“Oh.” The room grows silent, the only sound to be heard is the sound of pots and pans clanking together from the kitchen.

Quietly I find a seat and take it, it being the head chair at the opposite end of the table. I smile weakly at the picture-perfect family before piling food onto my plate.

My thoughts drift from the full table in front of me to what Nathan had just said. Housekeepers, they have enough money to hire and maintain housekeepers.

My blood boils at the thought of it, they waste their money on work that they could do themselves, or is this how rich people stay rich?

What a waste of good money though the people working for it are sure to spend it wisely, unlike the people I’m sitting with.

“Well, this is awkward.” Cole declares which earns him a glare from Marissa.

Marissa cleared her throat, “How is the food, I hope it’s to your liking?” She asked hopefully.

Who is this woman?

Is this the same woman who dad’s head over hills for?

Glancing down at the stack of pancakes and strips of bacon I nod, “It’s great, my thanks to the chef.” I say awkwardly.

Never in my life did I dream of saying something like that outside of a restaurant of course, let alone in the comfort of a home.

“So, Kara how do you like school?” Ah, the loaded question adults love to ask, I’ve been waiting for it.

Why is it the first thing that comes out of their mouths? Is it that important to them or are they just looking for conversation?

I glance up at Nathan, taking a bite out of my food, “I like it.”

Lie.

Truth is I don’t know what to think of school, from an early age I’ve learned knowledge and information are always good to have. The structure and society of a school I hate with a passion but the learning is useful.

“That’s great, actually to think of it you start school after this weekend,” Nathan remembers.

I smiled weakly before looking back down at my plate but the sound of a fork hitting a plate catches my attention. Marissa stares at me with a heated gaze, I can practically see steam come out of her ears.

“I know this transition is hard for you but we’re all trying here, the least you can do is do the same.” She glares.

I stare in astonishment, my mouth hanging open in surprise. I don’t know how to react to her, whether to laugh or be angry. She is the last person I thought who would be the one to scold me.

Covering my mouth, I try to hold back my laugh but fail, “I’m not laughing at you,” I try to explain but I can’t hold my chuckles back.

“Kara,” Marissa calls in a warning tone.

Pulling myself together I nod in acknowledgment, “Of course I’ll try, I’ll try to fit into the family you left me and dad for,” I smile still finding humor in her words, “I’ll try to forget you ignoring my existence for a decade.”

My mother's face falls as it pales at the words, her once glare not morphing into what I can only read as guilt.

“Better?” I asked knowing she is too stunned to say anything.

“Kara.” My eyes lock with Cole’s and it’s then when I realize the effects of my words.

Coming down from my anger I pick up my plate, “If you don’t mind, I’ll finish this in the room.” I ask looking at Nathan for permission.

As soon as he nods, I quickly make my escape leaving the now silent dining room in heavy tension.