DERANGED

Prologue God damn it. Fuck. It was happening again. The voices in my head were getting louder, they were taunting me, they were making me want to… hurt her. Watching her small fragile form laying curled up on the floor, I tried to hold back, I tried to stop myself from giving into the madness that was in my head, the chaos, the absolute insanity that fuelled me up and drowned me down into becoming the monster that I was. I didn’t want to bring harm to her, I didn’t want to be the reason for her despair so why was it that I always managed to make her ache? That I always raised hell upon her? That nothing I ever did was good enough to make her happy. She had become my hell and heaven both at once as I searched for her in my nightmares and craved her during those sweet dreams. The more I tried to find her, the more I lost myself. Groaning out in pain, I clutched my head to stop the wrath that I was soon to release upon her delicate existence, I tried to stop the end before the beginning even started because I knew, once I gave into the darkness that lurked within me, I’d never find the light again, for I was, a curse, for I had become, Her death. Chapter 1 Asha Who would ever walk out of their home one day and think that this day, this day could be the day that they will never make it back? Who would believe that when they walk out of that door, it is the last time they are ever going through that door? One may be open to demons in the dark and monsters in the night but the light, daytime and rainbows, those are where you never think to check for the devil that lurks, waiting patiently to snatch you up and take you in. He will kindly invite you into his house and feed you all of the lies that you want to hear, only to burn you down and watch you suffer. Today, it was my day to walk out of my door and never walk back through it again, making my way to the bank, like any other normal day, I met up with my friend Rose to get some chores done before heading for a meal but a meal was far from what I would be heading to and had I known that, I would’ve never stepped foot inside that bank. I would’ve stayed home and curled up on my sofa the entire time binge watching anime but instead, I stood in the queue of the bank with Rose, never even dreaming of what was to hit me. That one hit that would change my life forever. Before ever getting the chance to even comprehend what it was that was happening around me, I was shoved to the ground as men after men rushed around, yelling all kinds of threats that I couldn’t even register in my brain. The one thing that I did do was look over to Rose who was laying down on the floor beside me, fear more than evident behind her blue orbs but she kept herself grounded, quite literally, shaking her head at me, she motioned for me to be quiet and to not make a move and I was going to do just that, stay still even though I was already turning my head to look at the men who were walking around still threatening to blow out anyone’s brain that would get in their way. “All we’re here for is money.” One of the guys yelled out as he held his gun out, making sure that it was more than visible. “If you stay quiet and obedient, I can assure you that no harm will be brought to you.” I studied him as he spoke out his warning, black combat clothing, black ski mask that hid his identity and large guns, lots of them. He looked more like a ninja and truthfully, all of them together, dressed the exact same in combat uniform, they looked like the SWAT team or even soldiers and yet, they were here to rob the bank and as long as we listened to them and stayed quiet, nothing would happen. “No one play the hero. I’m warning you.” The guy said in his deep threatening voice as he began to gesture for one of the other guys to start searching the bank and although I tried to keep up with their movement, I couldn’t. Everything was happening too fast, so fast that I almost lost myself for a moment. Why did I pick today to come to the bank? Why couldn’t I just stay at home and forget that the world around me existed? Because right now, all around me, a lot of threat existed and I wanted no part of it. Taking in slow, deep breaths, I looked towards an old lady that was close to me who seemed to be having a panic attack and without even thinking, I rushed over to her which caught the attention of the robbers as they began to yell. “Hey hey hey!” I could feel the barrel of a gun pressed to the back of my neck as I held out my hands out in surrender.” “I just want to help this lady, she seems to be panicking.” And as I looked back to see the robbers reaction, one of them nodded to the other as he walked towards us and held the other guys gun down so that he doesn’t shoot me and so I began to calm the old lady down, helping her to take deep steady breaths and eventually, she wasn’t panicking anymore and with the robbers staring me down like a hawk, I moved away from the lady so that they weren’t surrounding her. Time ticked by very slow and fast when your life was in danger, it’s like there was no in between, everything around me was racing by and yet, it was all so slow like I could feel each and every step the armed men were taking, every word they said, every threat they spat out, all of it, it was sinking into my like painful thorns that were slowly clogging up my brain and I could no longer think but instead of panicking, I kept myself composed as I looked over to Rose who seemed to be doing the exact same thing as me but what caught my eye, it wasn’t her brave expression but it was the phone that she was slowly reaching for in her pocket and the closer she got to it, the more I shook my head at her because something deep within my gut told me that whatever she planned to do, it would become her death sentence. ‘No.’ I mouthed to her as I begged her with my eyes to not be stupid, to listen to the guy and not play the hero, there were no heroes here, all she had to do was wait. All she had to do was stay calm and not make a move until all of this was over and yet, she was making things worse as she grabbed her phone slowly and dialled for the police and the moment the police spoke out, although it wasn’t on speaker, you could still hear the dispatchers voice and it not only caught my attention but it caught the attention of everyone else in the room and within an instance, the robbers started yelling for her to end the call and when she didn’t comply, one of them aimed his gun at her and then…. And then… Gunshot. Blood. Death. All I could see was the vivid image of Rose laying there lifeless as a bullet went straight through her forehead and I wasn’t sure if I was trapped in a nightmare or if what I was seeing was even real but her splattered blood that was now all over me had me realising that I had just watched Rose get murdered. And that’s when reality no longer became a friend of mine, lost within the madness around me, I blocked out the screaming of the people around me as I reached for Rose, completely in shock, I couldn’t even find the will to care about the men that had us surrounded as the entire bank erupted into a war zone as people started to run for their lives while the masked men started shooting their guns and before I knew it, the back of someone’s gun came crashing down on my skull as I had tried to reach Rose’s lifeless form and now, all I could see was the black dots forming around my vision that slowly turned into the complete void that had become my day and most likely… my entire life. For I, would never recover. Chapter 2 Asha Feeling arms around me, I awoke to the chaos that was still haunting the bank while one of the masked men pulled me up into a sitting position and when I looked into his eyes jet black orbs, I saw nothing, absolutely nothing and the longer I stared into void behind his gaze, I saw it staring back at me, consuming me, keeping my heart tainted, I couldn’t quite understand this feeling I was feeling or was I feeling anything at all? I tried to look over to Rose’s lifeless form but he stopped me, holding my face in his gloved hands, he made me look at him instead, was he protecting me from getting my broken again? “Breathe.” He whispered into the contaminated air, his foreign accent and deep hoarse voice soothing the ache in my heart as I held back the tears that threatened to spill. “The police are here, get moving!” One of the men yelled out and with his warning, he pulled the man before me out of the trance he also seemed to be in and within an instance, he had grabbed me, pulling me up, he turned me around and pressed my back against his chest while he held the barrel of his gun against my head. I was so numb, so numb that I couldn’t find it in me to care that he was using me as a hostage and could possibly kill me at any moment, because all that was in my head was the image of Rose falling to her death and that image, it would haunt me forever. “Stay calm, I won’t hurt you, I just need you to get out of here.” He whispered into my ear as he moved towards the bank entrance with me right in front of him, his men behind him, waiting for his signal to get to running while the cop cars rushed over, many of the cops had already got out of their cars and waiting with their guns pointed at us but they couldn’t shoot, not with me being held as hostage and for that, they stood by, staying ready to launch when given the chance while a voice came through their speaker asking for the bank robbers to let me go, trying to negotiate a safe way to get me into their reach but the man holding me was not giving in, threatening to blow my brains out, he demanded that they all stood back and let them leave, the police having no choice, they stood by and watched as the masked men got onto their motorbikes, sitting me behind the guy who was holding me hostage, one of the other men rode next to the bike I was now sitting on and held a gun to my head while the man before me started up his bike. Reaching around and grabbing my arms, he placed them around his waist, motioning for me to hold on tight and then moments later, the roaring of their motorbikes came to life as they rode off, with one of the other bikers riding right alongside the bike I was on, every so often bringing the gun to my head to keep the cops off of our tail and honestly, I don’t even know how they managed to escape the cops but somehow they did it and somehow I was still numb as everything went by me in slow motion, the cops, the shoutings, the gunshots and the death, all of it, it was happening in slow motion and as they stole me, taking me with them, the realisation didn’t hit me until sometime later in during the ride. And once the realisation did hit me, it hit me hard. I was holding onto my captor for dear life as he sped through the highway with all of the other bikers alongside us, I could hear the distant sirens of the police cars, they were far too behind to catch up to the speed of these bikes and so, I knew that I had no chance of survival if I was going to continue sitting on the back of this guys back. Taking in my surroundings and taking notes of every sign, I tried to figure out where it was that they were taking me and during this, I considered jumping off of his bike but he was riding too fast and we were on a highway, if I jumped off now, I’d fall to my death, I’d either die on impact or another bike or car would run me over, I had zero chance of survival this way and so, for the time being, all I could do was wait and look for a better chance at getting away from these men so when they got off the highway and turned into a road and then another road and then a long while later they slowed down when they got onto a forest path, I was able to catch my breath and think of jumping off, though, I wasn’t sure where exactly that would get me seeing as we were now in the middle of no where and there was about six of them and one of me.