Mami Sitti

This story exemplifies women empowerment and the ability of humans to forgive and but never forget. This is a story about Sitti "Tess" Riaz - Nagi. "You can call her, "Tess!" Tess is a woman who went through different kinds of pain in each chapter of her life. Starting at a young age. In the midst of the challenges, Tess was able to develop a defense mechanism to protect her emotions from negative elements. "Beyond the dark clouds is a glittering sunlight," is a phrase she carries whenever difficulty unfolds. She was always lost, abandoned and hurt but somehow managed to press on. This is because of her remarkable quality. Until, a hero came to her rescue and gave her a sense of security. She was in euphoria, so much so, she decided to sacrifice her career to be a wife and a mother. Her family has become her security blanket. To have an in-depth grasp of her story, let me take you back to the early days of the ninety-forties. Where social media was non-existent. "Tess!" Called out by Princess Riaz with a deep breath of concern. "Yes, Nana," replied Tess with a smile like a fresh breath of air. "My child, please, be careful when you go out to the garden," spoken softly by Princess Riaz who was the grandmother. "I will Nana," replied Tess with a heart jumping for joy and excitement as she was about to play in the garden. Tess was born to a royal family. She is a descendant of a sultan in their region. Without being overbearing, It is crucial to know this detail because it is part of her childhood. She is a royalty by birth and by blood. "Poor child, her parents were a product of an arranged marriage but unfortunately got separated. Hence, Tess will become sensitive as she grows up. Therefore she has to be showered with the utmost love and affection she needs," said Nana with a heavy heart and worry. But I am afraid that I will not be around for long. Ten minutes had passed. "Tess! Tess! "Yes, Nana!" replied with a hyper activity Tess as if she has eaten desserts because of her cardio activity playing: jumping, running back and forth around the garden. "I am going to pray in a while. I want you to be in my sight", with worry in her eyes but delighted seeing her granddaughter enjoying her childhood stage. "But Nana, I am still playing, I am running after the butterflies. They have vibrant colors in their wings," she runs towards Princess Riaz, talking with a heavy breathing all the same time. You can see in her eyes her excitement. "Look at your delicate face, you just took a bath, and your beautiful dress is all messy," reminded Tess with a soft voice and stroked Tess' face and gave her a heartwarming smile. It is the Princess Riaz' order that nobody can raise their voice at Tess and nobody would dare to scold her or make her upset. "You are my first granddaughter. I want nothing the best for you and I need to be assured that you are always safe. I will only have that security if you are in my sight, ok my one and only baby ponggok", with a sweet smile and tantalizing eyes. Those sweet words gave Tess a blush on her cheeks because she has always been showered with unconditional love and affection by her Nana. "So I need you to follow your servants so they can wash you up and go to my room and accompany me while I am praying." "Alright, Nana," with a playful voice Tess replied but jumping up and down while about to go to her room. Tess stood in front of a big mirror while her servants gradually undressed her and prepared her for her bath. Afterwards, Tess was carefully assisted to the bathtub. While in the tub her servants stroked her hair and carefully poured water on her hair. The other servant grabbed the loofah and gracefully stroked it to the delicate skin of Tess. According to Tess she was singing everytime she had a bath but she could not remember what the song was. "Princess, you are all fresh and clean, there is a pink little dress waiting for you in your bed," smiled one of her servants. "Ok." replied with a warm smile by one of her servants and wiped Tess with a color pink towel. Then they went to her bed area. As promised, her pink dress was waiting for her. The servants did not say much as they were attentive and carefully dressed her up. As they were always reminded of the order of Princess Riaz. "Wow! It is the color pink, my favorite. I have to hurry because Nana is waiting for me," replied Tess with excitement. "No, no! I do not like the color of my shoes. It has to be pink like my dress!" "Yes Tess." "NO! That is an ugly pink. I like the one that has butterflies on!" Irritated and yelled her voice at her servants. She folded her arms in her and threw a tantrum to the servants. So, the youngest servant ran back to the drawers with an intricate design with beads, with a crystal knob, to get the pair of shoes colored pink with butterflies and ran back to Tess. "Eeww! There is dirt on one of the shoes, I am not gonna wear that. If you will let me wear it, I am gonna report you to Nana so she can punish you!" raising her voice with a side eye and folded her arms again. The older servant instructed the other servant to clean it up spic and span. In Spite of Tess' tantrums the servants had never got offended because the love and care they had for Tess was organic and genuine. "Na, na, na, na, nana!" Tess was singing to herself while waiting for the servants. The other servant was brushing Tess' hair. "Ouch! Be careful servant, you are hurting me!" The two servants were not offended but instead worried that they hurt their apple-of-the-eye Tess. After being all dressed up, Tess asked the servants, "Am I clean and pretty?" "Yes Tess" lovingly replied by the older servant. All the servants smiled at her. "Shall we go to your Nana?" "Yes, please, let us go!" Dancing left and right going to her Nana's room. Alas! Tess had been reunited with her Nana. "Since I was young I did not know what she was doing but all I knew was always praying and being around her warmths by heart." Tess can still clearly remember the momentous times with her grandmother and it was a memory worth keeping. Her grandmother was religious and prayerful so Tess was always being tagged along during prayer times. She will just be sitting on the prayer carpet looking at her grandmother with luminous skin. I asked Tess how it was being around her grandmother. Her response was, "Of course, being a kid I had no clear memories of what was happening but all I can recall were the comfort and contentment emotions of being with her." "At that time, I thought the feeling would never diminish. The warmth of Nana's love provided a sense of security that is as if nobody can hurt me. It was like you were protected by an armored shield and a sword of a greatest king and surrounded with the greatest walls." Tess was trying to remember how Nana looked but all she recalled was that her grandmother emulated beauty and grace. Moreover, her grandma was a short woman but her skin was luminous, she exemplified grace and elegance that truly befitted a true blood royalty. Going back, It was the last era of servants until they were liberated. During those moments Tess had ladies in waiting attending to her every need. From dressing up, cleaning herself, having a meal and putting her to sleep. Tes reckoned she did not have to dress herself up, the ladies in waiting will do it for her.They were present in all of her daily routine and activities. It was an absolute royal lifestyle. She was always in cloud 9 because she was surrounded with unconditional love and care. Everybody's attention was on her waiting to serve her every need. She was not spoiled but she was definitely loved. Her happiness was beyond. Her grandmother never raised her voice at Tess because of being considered the apple of the eyes. "I was very young and I wish I could remember my Nana so I can always have a picture of her in my mind. But it has been so long that the little pieces of her memory have gradually vanished into thin air," tears are starting to build up in Tess's eyes. Her stories mainly focused on the love and security her grandmother had given her. It was so deep that Tess would shed tears every time she narrated this part of her story. She is of age but she gets hurt like a little child who lost her balloon in the air or robbed her candy. Again Tess had said," I thought Nana would be around, and her care would last forever and she would always protect and showered me with her love and care," this time tears had dropped in her cheeks that she immediately wiped. Tess started to stair far as if her mind got lost into the sunny sky. "Good evening Tess, your Nana is calling for you to join her for dinner." "Yay! Dinner time!" Delighted to have her dinner she goes to the living room accompanied by her servants. She kissed her Nana who stroked her hair and embraced her. "Now, my baby, sit down and enjoy your meal." "Ok" her eyes glittered as she went to her chair. Upon looking at her meal Tess threw a tantrum, again, "What is this thing on my plate? "What is my ponggok?" Asked by her grandmother with a concern on her face. "I do not like this!" disgusted looking at bittermelon or ampalaya in Tagalog. Nana ordered the servants to take off the bittermelon from her plate. "Nana, I want a new plate!" "Ok, my love, there, there, calm down." Looking at the servants Nana gave a hand signal to follow what Tess wanted. Then looks at Tess and smiled. Nana gave her a warm embrace to calm her down. "Here is your new plate with no bittermelon, now, enjoy your meal my love," Nana stroked her hair as she went back to her chair. The servants were standing at the back side of Tess, attentive and anticipating if there are things she needs. The grandmother and Tess had their meal with peace. At the time, nothing seemed to matter but her bonding moments with the person she felt value and importance. But as they say "all things must come to an end". One week has passed. The inevitable came. Tess woke up in the middle of the night curious why there were many people around Nana's bed. "Nana, wake up!" There are people here, what are they doing here in the middle of the night." But Nana did not respond to Tess. "Nana?" curious eyes enveloped Tess' face as this was unusual. Her Nana always and always responded to her even if she was asleep. "Nana, wake up! In spite of the repetitive voice of Tess calling for Nana she had no response. Tess' face began to wonder, "why is Nana not responding to me?" she asked one of the royal subjects who was also her uncle named Akil. Akil took Tess in his arms and embraced her affectionately and tears just dropped like it has a life of its own. "Uncle, tears just dropped on your cheek, what is wrong?" Asked Tess with concern and with deep curiosity and trying to get loose from the arms of the uncle. "Why are you all crying, why is Nana not responding, she is not moving, what is wrong with her? Why are you all sad?" With a heavy heart Tess was about to cry but she could not decipher the circumstances and looking back to her Nana, worried why she did not respond to her. Nobody had the heart to tell her that her Nana is now departed. They are worried how Tess would respond to the unfortunate loss. Therefore, nobody, not even Akil spoke a word. Everyone was just trying to hold their tears but eventually everyone began to cry. What is going on here? Everybody is so sad and crying? Tess asked herself in her mind and looked at each of the people in the room. Annoyed why she did not get any explanation not even from her uncle. like a thief in the night. Miserably, her grandmother left the world. Something that would cause Tess to grieve without even realizing it. The feeling was unfathomable and difficult to bear. Seemed like someone robbed Tess of her happiness. Upon knowing the tragic news, she could not decipher what just transpired. I have to stress that Tess was at a tender age so, she only has limited memory of the circumstances. However, as she matured she then realized that the reason why people around her were in a deep sorrow was because Nana had departed. "I still did not understand why no one explained to me what happened to Nana, not even uncle Akil. Everyone was just crying and ignored me." However at that particular moment she was confused why people were crying, mourning, and the environment was so empty. She was looking for her grandmother but there were no movements at all. Tess kept asking and around but nobody even tried to explain to her what had happened or maybe nobody could. Just like in the movie when the camera will zoom in to your face and capture the emotions of bereavement of your face filled with questions left unanswered. Nonetheless, Tess was a smart kid, nobody may have not explained the tragic event surrounding the palace, but it was clear to her heart and mind that she will never be with her grandmother again. In a moment she was lost in her thoughts, everything turned so small that she could hear her breath. After coming to her senses, she came to a realization that she will never be able to be with her grandmother, nor feel her presence, love and not even be showered with her affection. The lowest point of her life has begun. She was painstakingly lonely that nothing can compensate for it. The security she had with her grandmother suddenly vanished into thin air. She felt so lost in the middle of the jungle that nobody could rescue her. At such a tender age she had experienced abandonment that was unfathomable. Nevertheless, she may have lost her greatest protector, somehow, she had taken the shield and the sword with her and built walls that surrounded her. A defense mechanism she had developed. So, whenever someone or something would attempt to hurt her she has devices to protect her. "Even though nobody explained the tragic event I refused to cry. I do not know but something said that I have to keep it together and press on. Even though I was being eaten by my confusion." You might be wondering what was it like living in a royal environment, what was the interior design of the palace, how many slaves was attending to them, or if the grandmother had a crown chair. Was it similar in the movie where the ruler sits in a royal chair, with followers on the sides and subjects are in line waiting for their turn to talk to the sultan or princess. Was there slaves holding a humangous fan to use as an electric fan while the royalties were attending to their subjects. Was there slaves holding a jar filled with water and offer it to them. Compared to the movie Cleopatra or the royalties in the movie entitled "The Last Testament". The royalties wear the finest silk or fabric that screams grandeur. Remember, Tess was narrating memories of her tender age. She can only recall her bits of moments with her grandmother. It actually made me realize that I could have asked her about it. But I doubt if she remembers. Let us continue, Tess used to tell me snippets of stories. However, she stopped after the departure of grandmother. "I cannot continue the story about Nana. If I do so, it will take me back to the lowest point of my life. I was young to have experienced that unbearable pain." "But I remember that scorching pain. I felt I was in the middle of the ocean, drowning, I was wiggling my feet, and tapping on waving my hands. However, nobody came to rescue me. Nobody provides comfort. I thought I was loved and cared for but I got nothing. Nana was just lying down on her bed lifeless, unable to rescue me." There was no elaboration of how she was able to cope up with the loss. Or who provided comfort, or even rescued her or was there any consolation on the part of her parents. "So how did you cope with your life growing up?" I asked with anticipation. Curious how she did it. "I erased that sad part in order to get out of the sorrow." Eyes wandered again and seemes her thoughts got lost in the air with eyes a little wet. "You know, sometimes, whenever I have negative memories or events that pull me down to the drain- I would usually delete them all from my bank memory. As if it never materialized. Tess just let it vanish so it would not make it to my long term memory department." Then she stopped telling stories again. It will take days, weeks, sometimes months before she will tell me a more interesting story. Subsequently, Tess will again start reciting stories. But not in a chronological order. She will jump from one event to another. I am just trying to connect the dots as I write this. She started again, but this time she would recount the time when she was happy but perplexed. As people were busy and preoccupied that everybody was in a festive mood. "Good Morning Tess! It is time for your bath. Said by her servant. "Hello, ok but I do not want cold water!" "As you ordered". After a few minutes, "come Tess, your bath is ready with lukewarm water just the way you like it." "Yay! I am gonna play with the water." The servant just smiled and started to rub the loofah to Tess's skin, delicately poured water into her hair and just let Tess enjoy the water. Her cousin approached her and with excitement said, "Tess, come on, look at this cute pink dress, with ribbon and butterflies. These are your favorite, right? Come and wear it!" "Huh!? Wow! Pink!" But why? Why are you letting me wear this? Are we going somewhere? Is it your birthday?" Asked by an inquisitive mind of Tess. Then another cousin came and said, "wahahaw! You look so ravishing Tess. You should wear a ribbon to match your pretty dress". "Cuz, why do I have to wear this?" Happily asked by Tess. So naive. But her question was left unanswered. This time her servant came to her and tried to help her get dressed. She threw a tantrum at her servant and ordered her to speak up, "what is going on here why is everybody so delighted and seemed excited?" "Tess!" Her cousin ordered the servant to ignore Tess and just helped her. After all, pretty and dressed up, "aww! You look really beautiful with your pink dress," said a relative. "I agree, your pink ribbons are cute too. You should put something on your cheek to brighten up your face." "Why? Tess is starting to get annoyed. "Hush Tess, just do as we say. Don't you like your pretty dress and pink ribbon?" Tess replied this time with calmness, "Of course, I like it but I do not understand why do I have to wear this stuff and you seemed thrilled, nobody is giving me any answer!" "Wow! Tess, you look like a doll!" Said almost everyone in the room. Cousins, distant relatives and even the servants would give her compliments about how pretty she looked. They would say nice things about how beautiful her dress was and her shoes. They would fix her hair and put a little makeup on. For a young age, she was just observing and waiting for someone to explain to her what was all the commotion about. She did not understand but she was also getting the hype like everyone else. She gets excited for an unknown reason. People were happy so she was happy too. Tess was excited but did not understand why. So she just went along. Still, nobody would dare to talk to her and explain the rationale behind the mood. Until she saw something that would cause her pain, so deep that she felt like her chest was about to burst. She suddenly felt difficulty breathing.