Kissa

Will You Hold My Hand

KISSA

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*Chapter 19: "Will You Hold My Hand?"*

The car lights were off on the way back from the fair.

Darkness followed us all the way home.

My heart stayed where Ali was standing.

This wasn't in the plan. But hearts don't read plans.

I went straight to my room without saying anything to anyone.

I was leaving for Karachi tomorrow afternoon.

This new journey was about to end.

Mom and Dad were packing their bags.

Even the sound of their hands seemed sad.

Like clothes weren't being folded, memories were.

I sat down on the bed.

Old photos hung on the wall.

Me, Noor, Ali... childhood.

I had come after twelve years. Now it felt like a piece of my heart would stay here.

My fingers pulled at the bedsheet on their own.

Leaving was necessary. Staying was impossible.

The door opened slowly.

Noor came in.

Her face was down, like a small dream had broken.

Her eyes were red. She must have been crying.

"Kissa, can't you stay a few more days?" Noor's voice was wet.

"Just a few days. Just enough time for the village to feel like yours again."

"I promise I'll make you tea every morning."

I smiled.

I ran my fingers through her hair.

Her hair was still the same. Thick, soft.

"My heart will stay here, Noor. With you all. Forever."

"I promise. But I have to go."

"If I don't go tomorrow, then tomorrow another tomorrow will come."

"If life stops here, I'll become that Kissa again... who lived in fear."

Noor didn't reply.

She just hugged me so tightly, like I might fall apart.

Her breathing was fast. Her heart beat against my chest.

My eyes were dry. But there was a storm inside.

I thought - if I cry now, I won't reach Karachi.

At that moment my phone screen lit up.

A notification. A name.

Ali.

"I'm on the rooftop, Kissa."

My heart started beating hard.

My hands shook.

I gently pulled away from Noor.

"Go now, Noor. We'll meet in the morning."

"I... I need some time."

Noor nodded. She said nothing.

She closed the door softly behind her.

Like she understood this night wasn't only mine.

I stood up.

My steps were slow, like my feet were stuck in mud.

But my heart... my heart was going crazy.

Climbing the stairs, every step left twelve years behind.

The rooftop door was open.

Ali stood with his back to me.

The wind lifted his hair.

His shirt moved in the wind.

The same white shirt he wore at the fair.

Dust on his shoes. Eyes... tired eyes.

He must have seen so many case files. Yet he looked at me like I was nine again, crying over a broken window.

Under the same old tree where we used to hide as kids.

The branches were still bent the same way.

Like time had stopped here.

I went and stood beside him.

I said nothing.

Silence spoke before words.

My fingers shook. I clenched my fist.

Ali cleared his throat.

His voice had the coolness of the night.

"I won't stop you, Kissa."

"Even birds return to their home at dusk."

"A person has to return too."

"The difference is... birds come back. People forget."

The wind stopped.

My heartbeat sped up.

I thought - he is stopping me. Just not with words.

"Ali, we'll keep talking," I said.

"Twelve years of silence finally found a voice."

"But your eyes are closing, aren't they?" Ali said.

I made a face.

"Hmm... you went from lawyer to poet."

"Did you start writing poems while fighting cases?"

Ali smiled.

The same old, innocent smile.

Then he went quiet, like he was giving words room to breathe.

His gaze was on my face. Like he was memorizing every line.

"Twelve years ago I was leaving like this too," I said.

"Back then I was a child. I lightened my heart. Now... now I hide grief behind a smile."

"Growing up teaches us this. How to put lipstick on pain and hide it."

Ali whispered.

"Then cry."

I laughed.

"You're a lawyer. You'll make me cry and still win the case."

"You have an answer for everything. I have a question for every answer."

I changed the topic.

"Ali, you're a good lawyer. Come to the city. There's more work there."

"Every street there has someone waiting for justice."

"What will you do sitting here? Cases for four people?"

Ali didn't nod.

"The people here need me."

"There are thousands of lawyers in the city. I'm alone here."

"If I leave, who will listen to them?"

I took one step forward.

The wind pushed my hair across my face.

"Here four people will need you, Ali."

"The city has a bigger population. Four thousand people wait for justice there."

"Some innocent person has been in jail for years."

"Someone guilty is being punished though they're not guilty."

"Why? Because they don't have money to pay a lawyer."

Ali looked into my eyes.

His eyes were deep. Full of pain.

Like he was seeing every innocent face.

"I'm scared, Kissa," he said.

His voice shook.

"What if the city changes me too."

"What if justice turns into need."

"What if I become like those lawyers who sell justice."

"What if I take money and turn truth into lies."

I held my breath.

His fear was valid. I could understand.

"This is your test, Ali."

"You bring justice to four people here."

"In the city you could bring light to four thousand."

"You could be a lamp for the oppressed."

"There's a difference between living in fear and living to win."

Something shone in Ali's eyes.

Like an old wound had moved.

Like I had woken the sleeping lawyer inside him.

"I'll think and decide," he said.

"It's not easy, Kissa. My roots are here. The city is just sand."

I nodded.

"If you think about it you might never come, Ali."

"Ask your heart."

"Here you bring justice to four people...

In the city you could bring justice to four thousand."

"You could be a light for the oppressed."

"If you think, you'll make calculations. If you ask your heart, you'll find the path."

Ali lowered his eyes.

I turned to leave.

I had just taken a step when a soft voice came from behind.

So soft the wind stopped to listen.

My steps stopped.

I didn't turn.

My heart said don't turn. But my feet stopped anyway.

"Yes, Ali?"

His voice was very soft, like he was talking to himself.

"Are you looking at the moon, Kissa?"

"See how bright it is. It's lighting up the dark too."

"But it's so alone."

"Those who bring light always end up alone, like the moon."

"People take the light. They don't stay."

My heart sank.

I said softly, without turning, "I won't let you be alone."

"The moon is alone because it doesn't have a Kissa. You have me."

The wind picked up.

The tree leaves began to rustle.

Ali took one step forward.

There was the old Ali in his eyes. And the new Ali too.

The nine-year-old boy too. And today's lawyer too.

"Will you hold my hand?" he asked.

I froze.

The question wasn't only about my hand.

The question was about the next twelve years.

What was Ali trying to say?

Ali took one more step toward me.

His voice was so deep it sent shivers through me.

His breath touched my face.

"I love you endlessly, Kissa."

Three words. Twelve years. One breath.

The words got stuck in my throat.

My breath caught.

The whole sky, the whole village, twelve years of loneliness... all fit into one sentence.

Darkness spread before my eyes. My feet left the ground.

I couldn't stay there anymore.

Like my soul was leaving my body... exactly like that.

I ran quickly out of the rooftop door.

I ran. Not from Ali. From my own heart.

Ali stood behind me.

His hand was still in the air.

And I... I was running with the weight of my heart.

To be continued....

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