Euphoria

A broken heart is all that's left I'm still fixing all the cracks Lost a couple of pieces when I carried it, carried it, carried it home I'm afraid of all I am My mind feels like a foreign land Silence ringing inside my head Please carry me, carry me, carry me home I spent all of the love I've saved We were always a losing game Small town boy in a big arcade I got addicted to the losing game Ooh, ooh All I know, All I know Loving you is a losing game How many pennies in the slot? Giving us up didn't take a lot I saw the end 'fore it begun Still I carried, carried, I carry on Ooh,ooh All I know, All I know Loving you is a losing game Ooh,ooh All I know, All I know Loving you is a losing game I don't need your games, game over Get me off this rollercoaster Ooh, ooh All I know, All I know Loving you is a losing game Ooh, ooh All I know, all I know Loving you is a losing game Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh "Do we ever wonder when we start dating, what if this love doesn't last forever? " "Well, most of us don't" "We start to visualizing our entire life with that person about how you're gonna get married have kids, travel and fun" "We promise each other that no matter what happens we aren't giving up on 'us'" "But does that really happen?" "No" "In most relationships there isn't any 'forever'. While this may seem harsh and disappointing this is the reality" "How many times have we promised ourselves we won't fall in love again after a breakup? Helluva lot of times!" "We lose faith in love after a heartbreak " "But we do end up falling in love again " "Another person can indeed make your heart dance along with rhythm " "Just after a failed relationship you lose hope in love unless you're a hopeless romantic" "This song was to make you realize that love can win or fail like a pathetic game" "We all deserve to be happy and loved" "Never blame yourself for failing a relationship unless you've done something grave" "Perhaps you were just not meant to be together forever" "The time you spent together can be absolutely amazing or like a s**t" "Some memories bring a smile on your face or strings of mixed nostalgia " "For the record, you hope you get back with that person, but sometimes simplest things doesn't come true " "Even if there's love and other things doesn't work out, it's still a losing game" "We all are addicted to this game, where you know, you make a mistake and you lose, still wouldn't wanna give up without trying only until you lose badly" The intense sound of applauding and cheers from the crowd roared against my heart like a blazing inferno. Fading all the other noises out of the world. Tears were flowing down my cheeks.The spotlight set on me as hundreds of eyes too. Here I am, Melanie Martinez singing my heart out in CityWalk's Rising Star, a famous karaoke bar. It was an impulsive decision at the last moment to sing here as I was weeping in my head remembering my breakup. A breakup which had been haunting me for the past 2 years. My ex wasn't a right person though. But breaking up with him felt like a illegal thing to do. I had no one else except him at that time. And I didn't care how he even treated me, because all I cared about was having him by my side. After we parted ways, I felt my world has crumbled down into ashes. I thought I might die. It wasn't true. I survived. And here I'm expressing my emotions through one of my most favourite songs. My bestfriend Carrie, and her boyfriend John gave me the idea to sing here. Well, I'm trained in music. I sing at events, karaoke clubs, contests make covers and all of that. I received many awards and recognitions for singing and playing violin. Yup, I'm a violinist too. 2 years after my brutal breakup, I sang and said this words to people for multiple reasons. Whatever I said few seconds ago, was for me too. Even I need to acknowledge these words. I get up to make my way towards a table where Carrie and John are sitting and grinning at me proudly. The happiness gleamed in their eyes like a shining star. Before that people start taking pictures of me, or with me, asking for my autograph and all that. After half an hour, I go to my friends. "See, people love you " Carrie said. "It's nothing they just loved the song"I shrug "Well, they love you too. Why don't you start a career in music? " John asked. I want to. But there are some things holding me back from doing that. "I'm working on it. So let's see how it goes" We order our drinks while listening to various artists until I felt someone staring at me from behind. I turn and notice a man staring at me with a intense look on his grey eyes. He's sitting at a corner where lights doesn't gleam. Shivers trickled down my spine. I glanced at my friends and they looked so happy that I had to change my mind of running away from here. We were there at that bar for over 1 am. As we were all tired we decided to call it for a night. I just can't wait to go home and lay on my bed. ---------- Who says Who says you're not perfect Who says you're not worth it Who says you're the only one that's hurting Trust me That's the price of the beauty Who says you're not pretty Who says you're not beautiful Who says These lines. This song. Selena Gomez gets me everytime. Her songs, her pictures are aesthetically decorated along with the pictures of Lana Del Rey in my bedroom wall. My dream Pinterest room with the pictures of the women I admire so much. Stuffing myself with eggs, toast and coffee here I am once again playing my favourite song on loop. I wish someone said this to me. But no one would. So I listened to it by myself. The ray of sun engulf me in a warm hug,its comforting and relaxing as I let the sunlight fall on me. Peace. Music. Nature. This was all I've ever wanted. A place where no one can bother me. My cozy home. A city far away from distress. You can always find me in library sitting near the window seat buried in books. Or a animal shelter. As an introvert, it's my comfort zone. The song playing in the background ends at the same time I finish my pie. I take my time to finish my coffee even though it's not blazing with steam anymore, sinking in my thoughts. I do dishes right away as I have to work for now. I'm a freelance writer too. I write articles, stories for couple of weekly magazines. I'd laughed off of if they told me I'd be freelancing right now. I had to do it to make my living. To afford my college. For future expenses. Definitely, good career or job means good money. Money means food on table and a place to live. That's all a human being needs in life. Right? Atleast I thought so. I open my laptop and start working on my drafts. ------- I didn't realize it was already late evening. I sigh wearily after a long hectic day as I shut down my laptop. My work has been quite stressful for me these days as there are too many clients. I have been busy with music and freelancing that I even forgot I have to fetch a job. I've graduated in journalism major few months ago but never really got a time to search a job.Honestly I don't think I want to do work in this field. I do plan on doing my masters along with it. I make my way towards my kitchen to prepare my dinner. I open the fridge to find just few ingredients. f**k no. I'm running out of groceries and how could I forget that? However, I make spaghetti with bolognese sause and take a glass of red wine and sit in front of my TV and put on some random movie to watch. After my dinner, I finished my daily night routine and climbed on my bed engulfing myself into my warm quilt and scroll through my phone. My phone pings with a new incoming text from my best friend Carrie showing her pet cat Fiona. Gosh! How cute is she! We talk for a while and we agree to meet tomorrow for lunch. I yawn and close my eyelids hoping that I'll get enough sleep today. I drift off to sleep quickly. Next morning this damn irritating alarm wakes me up in the morning. How much I wish I could smash it against the wall. I can't do that but. It wakes me up on time every morning. I take a shower and put on a hoodie and jeans and make a quick sandwich and shove it into my mouth and start working on my drafts. I glance at the clock and realize it's already noon. I hurry downstairs my apartment since Carrie and I agreed to meet up for lunch. It was a really bright noon as the sun was casting its vibrant light on my face which made me feel warm and cozy. "Lanie" I see from a distance Carrie waving a hand at me. She came running to me and engulfed me in a warm hug. We make our way towards the booth. John, Carrie's boyfriend was also here. He greets me with a hug and we order our lunch. He kissed her cheek and linked their arms. She immediately started blushing. "John.. Not here" Carrie whispered. "Why? its our Lanie. Why you're so shy now?" "No, we're in public" "That makes it good. Let them know who you belong to" Her cheeks were scarlet and eyes gleamed with love and affection towards John. For heaven's sake! They're too cute together to handle" They are in relationship for pretty long time now. Even a blind person can see how much they love each other. Someday I'd love to have a love like that. "So I gave a interview recently and got selected too. " Carrie says. She's also a journalism graduate like me. We have been each others bestfriend and confidant since freshman year.John was our senior by 2 years. He's doing his law internship right now. "That's really amazing. Congratulations babe! " I say genuinely happy for her. "The boss seems like a pain in the ass. I really hate such bosses" she shrugged. "Well I know you'll deal with him. You're like the smartest cookie ever" I say. They both chuckle at my words. We devour our delicious lunch with some gossips and other stuff too. We say our goodbyes and I visit the animal shelter that I'm volunteering in. I greet other people when a ball of white fur jumped up on me knocking me down. It was Ruby a cute 4 month old samoyed. More like a fluff ball. My most favorite animal over here. She starts licking my face wagging her tail. I burst out giggling due to the love I get from her. I play with her for sometime and start paying attention to other animals too. That's when the owner of this shelter Mr and Mrs Preston arrive. Their eyes sparkle with love and adoration. They don't have a child of their own. So they treat me like one. Honestly they're my go to people. We talk for a while and Mrs Preston hands me red velvet cupcakes. "My goodness! Thank you so much " I squeal out of happiness. "I know how much you love them. So ofcourse I had to make it for you" she smiled at me. I had tears in my eyes for her affection. "Uh.. No.. No. No. Not a great time to get emotional" I chuckle at her words. We have those cupcakes with juice. Honestly. This place is like my second home. Looking at all these furry babies melts my heart. When I look at my watch I realize it's time to go. I kissed Ruby and the prestons goodbye and exit the shelter. --- I unlock my apartment door and get inside just to take a long hot shower and sit on armchair in my balcony. The millions of stars scattered all over the sky, shining bright in the darkness. A dazzling view to all. Chilly wind blows through causing me shiver. I think of everything and nothing at the same time. As I was lost in my own thoughts an anonymous text arrives on my phone bringing me out of my rapture. "Come back. I'm waiting for you." I couldn't breathe. Tears of frustration blurred my vision. My hands were cold as a ice. I was shivering out of fear. Everything was a blur. What the heck? How did he manage to get my number? I was on the verge of panic attack when suddenly I jump out of bed to check the windows and doors. Everything is locked. Thankfully. I go to my bedroom , lock the door and try to sleep. I'm surprised by his sheer audacity to come and say this to me. I have to be more careful from now. He got my phone number can mean he's somewhere around me. I can't risk it. I drift off to sleep before I knew it. Thanks to the exhaustion