No box big enough for Elephant shoes!

When you're 23 years old the saying "for better or worse" is much like poking the lips of a gooey duck when the tide starts to go out. As a small child , I remember running up and down the shores of gig harbor, scouting the beach for what resembled human lips puckered just above the newly filtered sea floor, by the age of 3, I was pretty fearless and in my element as long as water was around me . My home that we called, "the beach house," though the technical heritage name was "the Servants' quarters," as it belonged to " The big house on the hill", owned by a mean old hag that the other children in the home, (her grandchildren) called, "Nana Pat!" She was allergic to children I think ,because Everytime she was around us her face would pull very tight toward her chin, and she looked like she was about to be sick. Now that I think about it , I can't even picture her with a nose,it looked like her entire nose would disappear leaving her with Cole back eyes and a sour snarl .But I'll get back to her later, (to be honest,I actually probably won't.) For now,I'll try and stick to my topic at hand.. where was i ? Oh yeah ..so ..... Everyday when the tide would pull back out ,it would leave some very cool treasures ,one of them were what we called ,"pearl puckers." Pearl puckers= gooey ducks , whenever we would find their little kissy puckered lips breaching the sand surface , we would run around looking ,and than we would poke them and Immediately they would spit water straight up into the air ,or they would spit a big colored pearl ,and than very quickly disappear down below the surface . It was really fun, for a 3 year old , and to date Im not sure why. Many years passed befor I finally asked my mom what exactly it was that was going on with that, and she laughed at me ,and said, "you don't wanna know,but you enjoyed it, if I show ya, itll ruin it," .....(I thought to myself)- ruin it? How would she ruin it? I have very few memories of my life that don't include a very dark backstory, so ruining it was basically impossible . As an adult ,iv tried to find those sand lips ,it's not possible. And than it happened, my memories were destroyed within 10 minutes of making the mistake of turning on my tV, Dateline, covering a story about illegal gooey duck farming, (believe it or not these things can make ya rich over seas) and suddenly I was enlightened to what those lips look like on the other end, they belonged to a gooey duck ,and oh my gosh!! It's gotta be the ugliest looking , biggest weird shell cased genitalia looking alien snail , I had ever seen. ..Gooey- Gaa'rosss!! Like I said before,"when you're 23 years old" the saying ,"for better or worse" is much like poking the lips of a gooey duck when the tide starts to go out. I mean sure it looks like a fun adventure, and you can continue to poke it till it spits everyday if you want, its all fun and games on the surface! What about the reality? The stuff you don't see , that stuff that sits below the surface , you have no idea what it Actually LOOKS LIKE ,UNTIL YOU DIG ,AND DIG , and reality is ; at 23 I had no idea, I had no business continuing to believe in fairy tales ,much less agreeing to a contracted commitment of ,"for better or worse." Mostly because,"for worse", didn't register as to what that might actually look like...trust me, I made that stupid decision ,and almost instantly regretted it. And one month later , I went from" I do" , to " I certainly do not. " And found a reason to stick through standing my ground . You see , after finding out some interesting details regarding my new husband and a conversation that was recorded and played back for me , regarding the "truth of why he wanted to marry me" , because according to him, since my stepdad passed away ,I was about to be rich(He was a complete asshat 99%of the time) We had only been dating 2 years off and on when we found out I was gunna have a baby.He didn't want a kid and he always reminded me of that.So Tyler came right after my 20th bday.Everything that came to being a parent ,avoided his language PERIOD. His mindset was so one sided , his, and his alone, and he felt like he had some higher position of authority when it came down to it... What he said goes, or I'd be punished with his s**t ass attitude ,and silent treatment, or he'd leave for a few days, and I'd know nothing ,but for some dumb reason I thought if I said "yes" things would suddenly change.