Forbidden Baby

Chapter 13 – Reality

Freddie’s POV

‘So where is she? They are going to let her keep the baby?’

‘No, they wouldn’t allow it. Come on Freddie, you know them, right?’ he looked at me with sorrow in his eyes and I knew he felt bad for me, I was surprised, I thought he would want to kick my ass ‘They have sent her away to have the baby and then they are going to make her give it away’

‘No. No. No. They can’t, they can’t do that, I’ll look after it, it’s my baby too. I’ll bring it up’

It was gut reaction, the thought of my baby being taken away hurt, but deep down I knew I couldn’t bring up a baby alone. I was 17, and a stupid 17 at that. I could barely look after myself, never mind a tiny person who would depend on me for survival.

‘Her, it’s a girl’ he smiled weakly. My heart melted a little knowing I was going to have a daughter, but the magnitude of all this information was completely swamping my brain ‘but you can’t tell anyone you are the father Freddie, not even Zeke. Not yet’

‘I don’t understand, why not?’

I was angry, confused and felt a little disconnected to the conversation we were having. I didn’t want my daughter to be given to strangers, but equally, the thought of having a daughter scared the living crap out of me. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t tell anyone, I had rights as her father, surely?

‘They will kill you. They will never tell you where she is. They will never allow you to have the baby. They will make things worse for Thia and she has already been taken away from us. Your Mum won’t be able to help you, they will have bribed, blackmailed, or brainwashed Thia into doing what they wanted, even if you got others involved, you wont win against them. You’ll only end up hurting her and yourself more’

It finally sunk in. It didn’t matter what I wanted. I didn’t know what I wanted or how I felt about it all, but either way, what I thought and felt was insignificant and pointless compared to what Thia was going through.

I understood what he was saying, and I believed he was probably right, but it didn’t seem remotely fair or reasonable to conclude that we could do nothing. Thia needs me, I need to help her and our baby, regardless of how I feel. Thia deserved that from me at the very least.

‘I need to see her’ I almost cried ‘She needs to know I know, and I will support her, do anything I can for her’

‘You really love her don’t you’ it wasn’t a question; it was a statement.

‘More than anything’ I simply replied feeling crushed at the situation I found myself in.

It was true. I had never loved anyone before, and I knew without a shadow of doubt I loved her. I wanted to help her, be with her, hold her and tell her everything was going to be ok. Only, I knew it wasn’t going to be ok, and the pain in my chest was getting worse.

However much I loved her, I wasn’t naive to think that love could conquer everything. A baby complicates everything, this situation was out of my control and wasn’t like any normal teenage pregnancy, if that was even a thing. This was a disaster.

‘We don’t know where she is, and she has no phone to contact us. She has memorised mine and Zeke’s number, so if she does get the chance to call, we will tell you. But Freddie, we can’t tell Zeke about you yet, we will, in time, but right now, he has enough on his plate. Let it all sink in, it was a shock for him too, and this may just send him over the edge’

I figured he was right. I was in shock, and I could barely comprehend what was happening, and I was the father. I didn’t want to make things worse. After all, this is all my fault.

I agreed to keep it to myself, for now, and hoped Thia would call soon so Gabe could tell her I know, and I will do whatever I can for her.

Gabe filled me in on the rest of what happened with Thia, and his folks and I was reeling by the end of it. We didn’t have much time before we needed to get to school for our final lessons and I really had no idea how I was going to hold it together for the ret of the day.

‘I really am sorry Gabe. I have royally f****d this up, haven’t I?’

‘It takes two people to make a baby. It’s just, well, Thia is the one left to deal with all this. She will be a mess when she comes back you know. I’m pretty sure she had gotten used to the idea of having the baby, giving her daughter up is going to destroy her. I suggest you think about what you want Freddie, because If you can’t handle any of this, I suggest we tell no one about you and before she comes home, you cut all ties so she can move on. She will have had enough heart ache to last a lifetime. I won’t allow you to mess with her emotions’

He didn’t give me the chance to respond. He just patted me on the back and walked away. I wasn’t sure how to react to that. Why didn’t he want to kill me? and why was he being so nice when he talked about me walking away from his defeated, lonely, and heartbroken sister.

It made little sense. As I waked back to school I tried to process what was happening. Thia was alone, frightened, and pregnant, with my baby. Our daughter. And her evil parents where making her give our daughter away. How was I ever going to live with myself knowing all this.

It suddenly dawned on me that Gabe actually felt sorry for me. He knew I loved Thia but could see how heartbroken and destroyed this was making me, and this was just the beginning. Maybe he genuinely thought he was doing me a favour.

Giving me an option, a no guilt, no backlash way to walk away and not have to face up to the burden both Thia and I now faced. Having our baby taken away from us was likely to destroy any romantic idealisms we ever had.

We would probably never get over this, and in the process, we would likely hurt each other even more than we were already hurting. Was he trying to make this easier on us both? For someone so young and inexperienced in life, he was incredibly wise.

I couldn’t face going back to school. I went straight to the medical room and said I didn’t feel well. My pale completion and vacant look were enough to convince her I wasn’t lying. I didn’t even bother to try and go back to lessons.

I rang my Mum and asked her if she could come pick me up. It was unlike me to bother her, and ask to be off school, so she knew something was wrong. She believed me when I said I was unwell. When I got home, I went straight to bed and hid under the duvet.

Too much had happened today. I couldn’t take it all in. I barely was able to focus, and I struggled to coherently put a thought process together. How was any of this ever going to be, okay? Gabe had given me a lot to think about.

I genuinely didn’t know how I felt about any of this. I was lost and confused, and I wanted to talk to my Mum, but I knew I couldn’t. That was tough. She would be heartbroken to now I was going through this alone and didn’t tell her.

The issue wasn’t that I thought she would kill me, I mean, I knew she would be angry and disappointed, but essentially, I knew she would support me. No, it was because she would want to march right over to their house and demand they tell us where Thia and my baby was.

Gabe was right, backed into a corner, they would likely do something stupid. They were completely unhinged; I had no doubt about that. I couldn’t risk making this worse for Thia, she would never forgive me.

Although the thought had crossed my mine that she may not forgive me for not even trying to help her and leaving her to do this alone either.

My head hurt and the constant voices and thoughts that swirled my head were making me feel ill. I was no longer able to take the strain of it all and I curled into a ball under my covers and cried like a baby while shaking uncontrollably until I had nothing left.

Eventually I drifted off to sleep in a fitful and restless slumber and when I woke, my bones felt like they weighed of lead. There was a knock on my door.

‘Freddie, it’s Mum, Can I come in?’

I rolled my eyes, who else was it going to be, it was only the two of us who lived here.

‘Yeah’ I croaked out. My mouth felt like sandpaper, and I realised I had had nothing to eat or drink since breakfast yesterday. Not that I could eat. I would just bring it back up, the way I felt. But I really needed a drink.

I sat up as she entered my room ‘Woah, well that answers my other question’

I just looked at her in confusion as she placed a cup of tea and a glass of water on my bedside table. I took the water and almost downed it in one ‘Huh?’

She gave me a sympathetic look ‘I was going to ask how you were feeling, but you look terrible Freddie, you’re ever so pale’ she felt my forehead ‘And clammy. You must have a bug; do you feel sick?’

The truth was I did feel sick, and I was Ill, but not for the reason’s she thought. I felt awful being dishonest, even if it was only by omission. I just nodded. I couldn’t face school today. I had bigger problems than missing a few lessons.

‘I’ll ring them and let them know you won’t be attending today. Just rest up. I’ll be home soon after 5, but if you need me, just call the office, okay?’

‘Okay, thanks mum’ I turned over and hid under the covers again. It seemed like the safest place to be right now.

I buried my head in the sand for a while before the intruding thoughts resumed from where they left off last night. It was like having the world’s worst heated argument, but with myself, in my head. My head hurt from thinking.

I spent a considerable amount of time deliberating my options and trying to come up with scenarios and situations that may arise, and the subsequent outcome of them, but it was pointless, there were too many variables. Nothing could prepare me for the unknown.

All I knew at this moment in time, was that my heart and head hurt, I loved Thia, and I was scared. Scared shitless.