Dreams that never come True...

I am just lying on my bed and rewind my past and present . I am not feeling good . I feel like a hard stone stab on my heart . Just trying to divert my mind but my thoughts taking me back in my past . As soon as i want to get rid from my thoughts something black appears in front of my eyes and it is like a big black hollow which attracts me and its like i m going in it in search of something what i m in search of ???? answers of my questions or something else ?? To get rid from my thoughts i start writing .... I am 21 plus graduated with a qualified university with some good grades. Due to corona virus and lockdowns, life change so much . I feel much more alone sometimes or sometimes I am full of myself as I wake a kid inside me and do some stupid activities. Thinking about my life one incident appears in my mind when I was in class 4 I was too little to understand the meaning of love but there was a guy in my class kind of my best friend . I used to go school with him and came from school with him. My home is in his home's way . My mother also likes him he used to came early in the morning at my house . Today also I remember his chubby face . He is fatty with fair skin . His heavy black hairs shine sometimes in mid day . we used to sit together in class sometimes and on the way back to home we ate something together . Thats only some little memories I remembered about him . He changed his school and I lost my connection with him . That time or that one year is very memorable for me i will never forget about him . May be he is my first crush . I am always missing my first crush or my first male friend . I hope you are safe in your way . "MY LOST CRUSH".