Jaded heart

Like new

Gabriella pov 

Being told to have a week off to rest my arm isn't something I want or need I should be out in the field helping or at least training myself instead of laying around at home, I have never been one to follow orders like that as I am a very active women and I need to keep my mind from wondering, everything I have saw in my couple of years in the army isn't something I want to remember ever. I push everything to the back of my mind and try to forget about it and when I am not keeping myself busy I remember everything I saw which isn't a pretty sight or I remember when two men was at my door telling me my father was killed in action, I remember everything pretty clearly and when I have chance to remember its the first thing I think about and I don't wan to be thinking about my father death. Being compared to my father and his platoon is something I have got used to but every time someone mentions my father its like I been hit by a brick wall and I just want to push myself into training and now being injured thanks to a scared medic I am being told what to do. 

Getting shot in the arm wasn't something I needed however I am glad that man had a poor shot even if I was open target for him, everything that happened there I have taken into thought about what I could have done better. I wouldn't have been shot if the medic didn't freeze up to the sound of g*n fire, her face is suck in my mind as she pretty much jumped out her skin breaking my attention from my surrounding. Trying to forget about everything that has happened I move around my apartment I have no family to talk to, I was a only sibling before my father was killed, I knew he wanted more children however it wasn't in there plan for him as mother wasn't in the picture and father never remarried instead his main focus was me and his work. I have a single friend Rebecca (becca) but she's deployed on tour for another couple of days, I haven't seen her for a while and I can't wait till she's back, we met at basic training and have been good friends since then, while I was skilled in explosives and weapons, nearly everything but medical training, Becca was skilled in shooting. 

Heading back to base for therapy I think about what I am going to say this time as I have already seen her three times this week and I have said everything she wants to hear however she still will not give me the all clear, I did get shot but that was it but I guess its mandatory to attend the therapist when you been captured and held hostage in a foreign county now. Passing the car park I park the car before heading inside, honestly I just want the all clear and get on with deactivating bombs and keeping my fitness up as sitting at home all week has killed me and I'm sure I gained a pound or two. Walking inside I know exactly where the therapy room is now, being located at this base for over two years I never knew where the therapy room was as I was always out in a field experimenting with bombs or working out on the circuit. Knocking on the door I wait to hear a faint come in before entering, hopefully I can get the all clear today as my arm feels fine and with exercising from physiotherapy i have all the movement I need. Hearing the words 'come on in' I enter the room standing up straight before taking a seat on the sofa, I rarely say much as the women I see does majority of the talking for the both of us. Sitting on the sofa I place my hands in my lap. While the women talks I stay silent listening to the women, I guess its better then silence

"Tell me how the arm feels and be honest with me" letting her ask the question I feel like I have to give her a display of how it feels and it I can move it without wanting to rip my arm off, I don't know what to say as doing nothing is killing me I just want to get back to work, I was told there was no nerve damage and I should be fine in a couple of weeks It not like I haven't been shot before. Looking at the therapist I get ready to lie to her but instead I find myself thinking about my arm and how it really feels. 

"The arm is fine, the physiotherapist has done wonders" I say calming my heart as I say it so it doesn't look like I'm lying and I keep eye contract. I don't lie often but when I do I know just what to say and do however normally I don't lie I just don't tell the whole truth. Waiting for the lady to finish what she's writing on her notebook I go back to thinking about my arm, it feels fine to me and I haven't had any pain moving it but I haven't done much work to strain any heavy work, trying not to think the worse I look back at the therapist knowing she's finished writing what ever she was writing down, I honestly just want to get back to work and focus on my career, I'm already a big name in the explosive unit the only one to deactivate any big bombs, I have worked hard to understand bombs and how they work. The way the bombs are changing makes me want to work even harder to understand the person making them and the bomb. 

Walking out the therapist room I have the all clear to go back to work finally, it hasn't been long but its been too long for me, I don't know what I would have done if I didn't get the all clear, I thought I was going to drive myself crazy just in those few days. Walking out the base I head straight outside to the training circuit knowing its going to be empty at this time, majority of the members at this base will be eating in the cafeteria or in there officers, even if it was busy I would have gone down to the field and defused a couple of bombs as it feels like forever since I have touched one or shot a g*n. Rubbing my hands together as the circuit comes into my eye sight I cant help but think about how I missed the exercise, I do have my lazy thoughts like do I have to do this today but after having time off I need to get my hands dirty or maybe a little dirty. With myself not belonging to a unit or any platoon I jump to any platoon when they need a bomb expert with them, I rarely even have days off as theres always some one who needs a bomb expert in the unit. I have never minded the long hours with having no family as I can be on tour nine months out the year or even longer on where I am or whats going on. I just hope I have a few days to train before they ship me off to a platoon or a unit to work with them, even though I go the all clear doesn't mean I jump on the first day.