Jaded heart

Gabriella pov Dancing in the living room, I have my embarrassment on full display off the window with my earphones in and the music on full but I don't have a zero care in the world of who sees me shaking it I shouldn't be shamed of for having fun, my father always said let it free and thats exactly what I am doing right now and I still have a smile on my face doing it. Moving my body like its no one business i sing a little to the songs knowing you can't get better music than the old ones, this is my time and I am using it perfectly to make a fool out myself, with my back to the front windows I rock my body from side to side with a little head nodding but as I turn around my phone falls out my hands and the world has suddenly stopped around me. I am frozen in the spot as I look out the windows. My eyes follow them as they walk up my path heading towards my front door, I am holding back the tears as I follow them with my eyes not letting them disappear thinking the worse, knowing my father always told me to be positive. As the door bell rings I am still in the same spot stuck in time as I realise what is happening right now, it takes a couple of seconds for me to get to the door and once I open it, I regret that I ever did. Two men stand at the door staring down at me with so much regret in there eyes, I'm holding back the tears as they bring there arms up towards there hats still looking at me dead in the eye, like my world just hasn't exploded right in front of me... "I'm sorry to let you know, David Lockwood was killed in action. I'm sorry for your loss" as the words leave his mouth straight away I am in denial about everything knowing it cant be real as I spoke to him last night, I'm sure I spoke to him, I still remember hearing his last words to me ' I love you sweetheart'. Falling to my knees the tears are running down my face as I think about everything; I will no longer hear my father voice, his laugh, his happiness for me or seeing his smile. I don't know what to do with myself as I can hear the men ask me over and over again if I am ok but it feels like I am stuck where I am just needing to be left alone.  I dont know what happened from then to now as I am standing next to my father coffin watching them lower his body down in the pitch blackness of the grave, everything has been a blur lately with my heart being ripped out a little more everyday knowing I will never see my father again, I want him to find peace and be happy but I cant be happy without my father standing by my side telling me everything going to be ok. My father wasn't only my father but he was my role model, my best friend and my everything. I couldn't even tell you who planned the funeral as I couldn't come out my room, I couldn't eat or drink anything without needing to be sick, I cried myself to sleep every night watching the front door waiting for him to come back but he didn't he hasn't come back to me like he said he always would, who's going to walk me down the aisle now on my wedding down as the only family member I have left is being lowered in his grave. I don't know how much more I can take as I stand here or how much more heart break I can handle as I have lost nearly everyone I have ever known to this stupid war and too life, this world is a cruel on and I am losing everyone. I was handed the flag that laid on his coffin but with the tears running down my face I fall to the ground with the flag held tightly to my chest as the rain pours down soaking me but I don't care, I haven't cared about anything.  I don't want to move, I won't move.  I'm not leaving my father alone. I look up to the sky wondering why it had to be him, the only parent I had left was taken away from me without so much of a goodbye, this isn't how it was supposed to be, what happened to happily ever after..... is my life destined to fail? My father is my knight in shinning armour and now I'm left alone to pick up the piece of my broken heart alone.  "Gabriella Lockwood" I hear the sound of my name being called and I know theres only one ever person who calls me by my full name and the only person I have left, Jackson. Jackson was in my father unit and was his best friend who always had this back, turning around I look Jackson over wondering what happened and how he's standing in front of me with the rest of the platoon behind him dressed in there uniform, they should have protected him and made sure he got back safety, why was it my father I had to lose. Haven't I had enough heart break in my life. Walking over to Jackson I hug him tightly refusing to let go incase I am seeing things but as I wrap my arms around Jackson body I feel his arms wrap around mine and I just need him to tell me its ok, I need a little faith in my life, someone to hold.  "Its going to be ok, I promise" Sitting in the back of Jackson car with a blanket wrapped around my body I don't know what to think as my father kept me in line, sometimes it was hard being a military brat moving around quite a lot but I came to love it, meeting other military brats just like me was the highlight sometimes. My father was never hard on me but I was bought up correctly with manners and everyone my father meet he would introduced me, I learnt over the years that everyone loved my father, he was easy to get to know, just thinking back to the funeral and how many people turned up I knew he wasn't lonely, he had friends a lot of them. Looking out the window Jackson pulls up in front of my fathers house and I don't think I can walk in there and listen to everyone apologises for my lost, or hearing he was a great man because I know that but he was my person. Jackson could have dropped me off at my house and left me there but he didn't, he spent as much time with me. I will never forget daddy and daughter time even at my age, he was my role model. He still is my role model and will always be. Jackson is holding the door open for me but I don't get out, I look at the house seeing people walk in and out but I only want one person walking in the door and thats my father. Grabbing Jackson hand he helps me out before wrapping a arm around me guiding me inside my home but its not my home anymore, stepping inside theres a couple of eyes on me and Jackson leaves me looking for the rest of the guys, I take a seat on the stairs trying to calm myself down.  Inhale.... Exhale.... "honey I made you a hot chocolate with marshmallows" I hear a women say handing me a hot cup with a smile, I don't have to look at her to know its one of the guy Lucas's wife Sarah, she's been like a mother to me, she has always stepped in when my father was unsure about lady things, my dads platoon was always there but so was there wives. Sipping at the hot chocolate she takes a seat next to me not saying anything, words don't have to be said to know she's got my back though this. I know everyone has my back but the only person I want right now is my father.