The Circle of Friends, Book IV...Mike

I-4

“Yeah, right,” breathed Mike, not even daring to look at his right arm. He felt as if all the color had drained from his face and he continued to tremble.

“Just don’t think about it,” Sarah said, squeezing his hand. “Think of someplace else you’d rather be right now.”

Mike took a deep breath and pulled his thoughts together. “Rather be at the game getting pummeled,” he replied, desperate to feel anything but the needle in his arm.

“You into pain or something?” Sarah said. “How about someplace fun? Maybe down at the beach? Picture a bunch of us chilling out around a big bonfire at night. You can hear the sound of the waves crashing into the surf; maybe someone’s got a radio playing. We’re all just sitting around enjoying a drink and talking, watching the flames and just relaxing. Does that sound like fun?”

He looked at her and smiled. “Yes, it does. Where else?”

Sarah kept him amused until the nurse returned to check on him. She brought Mike a glass of water and he managed to take a couple sips. Leaning back and closing his eyes, he focused on his breathing while the nurse adjusted the IV bag and the hose. As she exited the room, Mike chanced a quick glance at his arm and nausea consumed him. His breathing turned shallow and rapid once more.

“Mike? You gonna be sick?”

“Trying real hard not to,” he said through clenched teeth, sweat forming on his brow.

Sarah released his hand and moved toward the paper towel dispenser over the sink. Grabbing a handful, she wadded them and returned to his side.

“Here,” she said, stuffing the towels in Mike’s hand. “Just in case.”

Grasping the towels, Mike prayed he would not need them. Throwing up in front of Sarah was the last thing he wanted and he fought the urge. She ran a paper towel under cold water and wiped the sweat off his forehead.

“You need to relax, Mike. You’re stressing yourself out. Just close your eyes and think of something pleasant, something that makes you feel good, okay?”

He followed Sarah’s orders and attempted to focus his thoughts elsewhere. After a few minutes, Mike regained control and calmed his queasy stomach. He lay with his eyes closed and breathed in and out very. Finally, he sighed and peered at Sarah’s anxious face.

“This must look pathetic,” he moaned.

“Why?” said Sarah.

“Supposed to be a big, tough football player and I’m totally freaked out by something as small as a needle,” he said with disgust. “I’ll bet you’re really impressed.”

“Everyone’s got fears, Mike. Trust me, I understand. I don’t think any less of you,” she said in a comforting voice.

Mike released the paper towels and reached for her hand. “You’re a great friend, Sarah,” he announced, attempting to convey his gratitude. “I’ll make sure Matt knows how wonderful you were today when he comes home. He is so blessed to have you!”

“Thanks, Mike.”

Sighing, he squeezed her hand. “Hope I can find someone special again, too,” he said.

Sarah’s brows came together and she appeared about to speak when her cell phone beeped. Mike listened as she spoke to Matt, explaining the current situation to her husband. The phone call distracted her and she did not inquire further of his comment. Mike did not wish to divulge his concerns in the Urgent Care.

Shortly afterwards, he was released and sent home. Never more relieved to return to the apartment, Mike retreated to the bathroom. By the time he emerged, Sarah had changed his bed sheets and set a water bottle on his nightstand. Promising to wake him before the game commenced, Mike’s roommate exited his room and closed the door. This time, he slipped into a dreamless sleep.

When Sarah roused him for the Georgia Tech game, Mike felt rested. He staggered into the living room and stretched out on the couch, covering his body with the blanket Sarah had spread out on the sofa. His head still in a cloud, Mike watched the television set, closing his eyes during the commercial breaks. Despite his fatigue, he enjoyed watching his team march to another decisive victory. It would have been far more satisfying to be present, adding his efforts to the team, but at least he witnessed Matt’s amazing performance.

Feeling better, Mike remained on the couch after the game, loath to stare at his bedroom walls any longer. Sarah fixed some toast and he was able to keep it in his stomach. He continued to ache, but his fever had broken. When Matt called after the end of the game, Mike felt coherent enough to speak with his roommate.

“You missed an incredible game today,” cried Matt.

“Should miss more of them, I guess. You had a helluva game, Matt,” declared Mike, amused by his roommate’s obvious enthusiasm.

“Naw, I’d rather you didn’t. How ya feeling?”

“Thanks to Sarah, I’ll live,” he replied, giving Matt’s wife an appreciative nod.

There were voices in the background and a pause before Matt spoke again. “The guys want to say hello,” he said with a laugh.

The sound of many football players, all shouting different messages for Mike, poured through the receiver. He could identify a couple voices and smiled at their comments. They were harassing him for missing today’s game, but Mike did not care. There would be no further absences on his part. He intended to return to practice Monday afternoon.

Mike prepared for bed that night, looking forward to a full night’s sleep. He emerged from the bathroom and Sarah followed Mike into his room, a bottle of water in her hand. She set it on his nightstand as he fell into bed and rolled onto his stomach. Before he could reach for the covers, he felt his roommate pull the comforter over his shoulders.

“Thanks, Sarah,” Mike said, wrapping his arms around the pillow and closing his eyes. “I just hope I can sleep through the night.”

Startled to feel Sarah’s hand across his forehead, he opened his eyes. Her touch felt soothing and reassuring. She c****d her head and then removed her fingers, brushing Mike’s matted hair back into place.

“Well, you don’t feel hot, not like this morning,” informed Sarah, patting Mike’s forearm. “Just go to sleep, Mike. I’ll bet you sleep twelve hours straight!”

He did not make it twelve hours, but Mike only arose once during the night. Thankfully, it had not been to empty the contents of his stomach. The ache in his muscles had dulled by morning and he was able to join Sarah at the table for breakfast. He munched on a bagel while reading the article in the paper concerning yesterday’s game. When he leaned away from his empty plate, Sarah asked if he felt better.

“Yeah. I still really ache, though.”

“I cleaned the bathtub really good yesterday, Mike. Go take a long, hot bath.”

“Okay, I’ll do that,” Mike said with a nod. He made no move to rise from his chair. “Sarah, I really do want to thank you for taking me to the doctor’s yesterday. I might have expired if you hadn’t been here!”

“Well, Matt would’ve been mad if I’d let our roommate die,” she said absently.

Mike chuckled, amused by her honest answer. “You’re really special, Sarah. Hope I can find a girl just as great as you!”

His roommate smiled and then regarded him with serious eyes. “Was there someone special before?” she said.

Mike’s initial reaction was to downplay his answer and deny the truth. Something in Sarah’s expression caused him to hesitate, though. Her genuine concern, coupled with his feelings of gratitude and complete trust, prompted Mike to speak candidly.

“Yeah, there was,” he admitted.

“What happened?”

Mike sighed and pushed away his plate. “Poor judgment on my part,” he admitted. When Sarah leaned forward expectantly, Mike took a deep breath.

“I had been seeing this girl in high school,” he slowly began, absently picking at his napkin. “Andrea and I started going out our junior year and were pretty serious by the time we were seniors. We started sleeping together and right before Christmas, we found out she was pregnant.”

Swallowing hard, he glanced anxiously at Sarah. He had always projected the image of a proper Christian and sensed this revelation would shock his roommate. When he saw no harsh judgment or condemnation in Sarah’s eyes, Mike continued.

“Right away she said she wanted an abortion. I was rather freaked out about the whole thing, but I told her if that’s what she wanted to do, then I’d pay for it. So, over the holiday break, we snuck up to Macon and an abortion clinic there. When it was all over, I was relieved and thought that was the end of it.”

Mike hesitated, his heart heavy as he recalled that tragic point in his life. “Well, she became really depressed. Eventually said she wanted to take a break from us so she could sort out some things. I didn’t really understand, but told her to do what she needed.

“When we came back for our last semester, Andrea wasn’t attending school anymore. I called to make sure she was okay and discovered she’d transferred to a school in the next county. Said she felt guilty and couldn’t bear to be reminded of our mistake every single day. I kept trying to call her and went by her house several times, but she wouldn’t even talk to me. Finally her parents told me Andrea never wanted to see me again,” he said sadly, rubbing his eyes.

“The more I thought about it, the more I realized how wrong we’d been. I shouldn’t have been so eager for her to get an abortion. Actually, we should’ve never slept together in the first place. My parents were good Christian people and they certainly had raised me better than that.”

Mike finally raised his eyes to Sarah. “I guess I’ve just never forgiven myself. I know God has, but I simply can’t let it go. What I did was wrong. And I decided that if God ever gave me someone special again, I wouldn’t sleep with her until she’s my wife.”

The truth out at last, Mike slowly realized how much that situation had affected his life. He had hoped the memory of his disgraceful actions would eventually be forgotten. Time had not washed away the overwhelming and devastating guilt, though. It had been a daily struggle and Matt his only confidant over the years. He felt incredibly embarrassed to disclose the story to Sarah as well. Her discovery of Mike on the bathroom floor paled in comparison with the humiliation that now pounded at his chest. He knew he had just disappointed his roommate.

Sarah slowly covered his hand with her own. Mike closed his eyes and grasped her fingers tightly, grateful for his roommate’s understanding.

“I’m sorry, Mike,” she whispered.

Shaking his head, he looked up at her with haunted eyes. “You’re only the second person I’ve ever told,” he quietly admitted.

“Well, I won’t tell anyone,” Sarah quickly promised. “I never knew you felt that strongly about not sleeping with someone.”

“Next one will be forever,” Mike said firmly, determined not to make the same mistake twice. “Obviously, there’s a reason God wants us to wait.”

“Did it bother you that Matt and I didn’t?”

Flashing a faint smile, Mike patted her hand before releasing it. “I didn’t want to impose my views on either of you. But I was glad when you finally did get married.”

Feeling drained, Mike slowly rose from his chair. “Well, let me go take that really hot bath. Thanks, Sarah. For everything.”

“You’re welcome. And Mike?” she implored. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. Trust me, you don’t deserve that kind of torture. And I know you’ll find someone just as wonderful and special as you are!”

Mike stared at her a moment, touched by her kindness and choice of words. Apparently, the disclosure of his dark secret had not lowered Sarah’s opinion of her roommate. Somehow, that comforted Mike more than anything else. He flashed her a warm smile before sauntering off to the bathroom.

Following her recommendation, Mike filled the tub with steaming water. Casting aside the robe, he eased his aching body into the bathtub until only his head and knees protruded from the water. His height prevented complete immersion, but otherwise the warm liquid surrounded him like a cocoon. Adjusting his position one last time, Mike relaxed and closed his eyes.

Until today, only Matt knew what had transpired his senior year. Not even Joe, Mike’s best friend back home, suspected anything. Considering how deeply the incident bothered him, and his feelings for Sarah, it surprised Mike that she had coaxed the story from his lips. Recounting his horrible mistake felt incredibly painful. However, the agony of his disclosure was replaced with the ache of desire once more.

Sarah’s thoughtful words continued to ring in his ears and Mike longed to act upon his feelings. He had told his roommate she was special, but that word did not begin to describe what he truly saw in Sarah. She possessed every quality Mike had ever desired in a woman. He did not have to search for someone special, hoping to find the right person. Sarah was right here, her spirit intoxicating and more real than he’d ever imagined. She needed to know how much Mike loved her before his heart virtually exploded.

“You’ve got to tell her,” he murmured to himself.

Mike spent the remaining time in the bathroom carefully choosing his words. Every phrase that came to mind sounded corny and contrived, and he struggled to properly articulate his feelings. With no intensions to act upon his declaration of love, Mike still worried his words might cross the line. Matt trusted him and he did not want to betray his best friend. His roommate never expressed concern that Mike would act inappropriately around his wife, and Matt had promised never to reveal the truth to Sarah. Keeping his love a secret had been Mike’s idea, so perhaps it would be all right if he were the one to tell her. His internal battle continued right up until he emerged from the bathroom.

Dressed in a sweatshirt and baggy pants, Mike retrieved a textbook from his desk and stepped into the tiny hallway. Discovering Sarah at work in the kitchen, he entered the living room and set his book on the coffee table. Mike hesitated and took a deep breath. Still full of doubt but determined to go through with his plan, he strode purposefully into the kitchen.

The smell of freshly baked cake struck him full force. A large sheet cake sat on the stovetop, its surface covered with white frosting. Mike’s step faltered as his gaze fell on Sarah hunched over several small bowls, tiny vials of food coloring off to one side. His roommate had become quite adept at decorating cakes and produced one of her beautiful creations for special occasions. Since today was no one’s birthday, and he doubted Sarah would make one just because he had been sick, Mike suspected the cake could only be for her husband.

Sarah glanced up from her preparations and smiled. “Feel better now?” she said.

“Yeah, I do. Um, who’s the cake for?” he inquired, stalling for time.

“For Matt!” Sarah said. “I’m going to decorate it with a football helmet and write ‘Matt’s #1!’ across the top. Think he’ll like it?”

When Mike nodded, she grabbed a bowl of frosting and moved to the cake. “Well, I want him to know how proud I am of his performance yesterday. Sometimes I don’t feel I show enough loving support.”

“You do, Sarah.”

Flashing Mike a quick smile, his roommate began outlining a football helmet on the cake’s surface. He watched in silence, his insides slowly sinking as he realized he would be unable to follow through on his intentions. Instantly, guilt replaced the longing in his heart. Matt and Sarah loved each other so very much. How could he possibly risk damaging their relationship? Despite his desire, Mike could never express his true feelings toward Sarah. Too much lay at stake.

Upon completing the helmet’s outline, Sarah raised her eyes. “I’m sorry, Mike. Did you need something?” she said.

Mike shook his head. “Just wanted a drink. I’ll get it myself.”

Retreating to the living room with his juice, Mike slumped heavily onto the sofa and reached for the remote. He really needed to work on his assignment, but at the moment, he desperately wanted a distraction. Hopefully between football games and reading, the afternoon would pass quickly.

When Matt returned, Sarah’s enthusiastic welcome reinforced Mike’s resolve to remain silent. Only her husband occupied Sarah’s heart. Mike had taken enough road trips with Matt to know that his friend was equally dedicated to Sarah as well. He had no right to interfere or break his roommate’s trust. Regardless of his own misery, Mike was determined Matt and Sarah would enjoy marital bliss. In the meantime, he would continue to pray for the strength to endure.