Life Under the Hijab

Goodbyes and Old Crushes

Zaynub Khalid

I didn't know how long I was out but I kept getting weird dreams. Baba was in them.

"Zaynub," he said softly while outstretching his arms for me to run into.

"Baba!" I screamed with tears streaming down my face.

I ran up to him and hugged him with all my might as if I were afraid he would leave the second I let go. He let go of me and cupped my face. He started looking down at me with tears threatening to fall from his eyes.

"I am so sorry Zaynub, but my time is almost done. It's time for me to go back to my Lord," he said with a small smile.

"No! Please don't leave me, Baba. I need you. I really need you. Plus, you will have a grandchild soon. Don't leave us. Don't leave me," I begged.

He shook his head and gave a soft chuckle.

"You don't need me anymore. You're a grown women now. Allah has great things in stored for you. My time here is done. I am ready to go back home. I am ready to go with Allah. Whenever he may take me that is. Remember that I will always love you. Now wake up. People need you, especially Zakir," he smiled.

"I love you Baba," I whispered through tears.

Then darkness surrounded me.

I heard Zakir begging and crying for me to wake up. I was touched by his words. I tried to open my eyes, but they would not open. My eyelids felt so heavy. I was too weak to open them. Finally, I gave up on my life.

I tried, but my body started hurting thinking about Baba leaving me. I felt empty. Then something hit me. Hajar and Amu needed me. They needed me to support them during this time of struggle. They needed me to remind them that Allah is always there to help and that we must never turn our backs on Him.

Allah will help Baba and if he dies I know he is in a better place. I need to remind them that with every struggle, there comes ease. Then I tried opening my eyes, but with more willpower.

"Come on Zaynub. Open your eyes. We finished the surgery and everything went fine. We just need you to wake up," a deep voice begged.

I tried again.

"That's it. Come on. Try to open your beautiful eyes for us to see," he cheered on with the other surgeons and nurses begging me to wake up.

I kept trying and begging Allah to help me. I was using all my strength to open my eyes. Then Allah granted me a miracle. I was able to see a bright light. I blinked. I was struggling to open my eyes wider. My eyelids felt so heavy. It was as if it weighed eighty pounds or something. Finally I opened my eyes and adjusted my sight. I saw many surgeons and nurses huddled around my bed and having looks of relief on their faces.

"Come on, it's time to take you back to your family. They are waiting for you," a surgeon smiled.

I nodded my head and smiled back in return. It felt good to be back, but little did I know. Death was coming to someone I loved dearly.