Life Under the Hijab

Darkness, My Old Friend

Zaynub Khalid

It had been two weeks since my car accident. I was still stuck at the hospital though. Bummer. Anyway, since I missed so much school, Zakir had been bringing me my work. Amir and Zakir have gotten pretty close. They both always stop by my room, and Zakir always told me about his weird days. So far I learned girls have a thing for him at work.

Baba's condition was getting worse. I still remembered that dream. Oh Allah, please let Baba live or at least let me get to say goodbye to him. As much as I wanted Baba to live, I knew that he had to go. I had to let him go.

I knew Allah will take care of him, but it hurts to see the person you love leave. I remembered his laugh and smiles. They would always make me smile and feel grateful to have a father like him. I remembered him always telling me that Allah would always be there for me and that I must never forget that.

While I was deep in my thoughts I didn't hear Amir and Zakir walk in.

"Assalamualaikum," they both greeted.

"Waalaikumasalaam," I said back.

"Guess what little sis? You're being released now," Amir smiled.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yup. They said all your bruises and scars should be fine. You were really lucky that you didn't die. You only broke three of your ribs and you got a lot of stitches. The doctor said you should be fine," Amir confirmed.

"Oh," was all I could have said at the moment.

I took my clothes and went to the bathroom to change. I also had to fix my hijab. I wore a purple sweater top and faded jeans. To top it off, I wore my purple floral hijab. This was the outfit Hajar had picked up for me. She said it made me look like a modern day princess. She called my outfit "Royal Purple." It was a cute name.

I walked out of the bathroom to see the boys laughing and Hajar fuming. She spotted me and a look of relief replaced her fuming face. Then, she ran up to me and hugged my waist.

"Apu (sister)! Amir bhai (brother) called me a monkey and then he started making stupid monkey sounds. Then Zakir bhai started laughing. Afterwards Amir bhai called me an angry kitten!" she cried.

I giggled. "Boys, you should know better," I scolded.

"Whatever," they replied.

I shook my head.

Right then a nurse came into my room. Her head was down. She looked oddly... depressed? I wonder why. Wait a minute. What if this has something to do with Baba? Oh no.

"Your father woke up, but he is very weak. He asked to see his family," she quietly said.

We all looked at each other and rushed into Baba's room. The sight in front of me made me want to cry. Baba looked so pale and almost lifeless. His eyes had lost all color from it. He looked depressed, yet happy. Besides him was Amu. She was holding his hand with her head down crying. Baba looked pained.

Behind them was Noorah. She started sobbing quietly. Amir ran up to Noorah and hugged her. She cried into his chest. Baba noticed Hajar, Amir, and I. He motioned for us to come to him.

"My children, I am very proud of all of you. You all have grown up. I enjoyed every minute spending time with you and trying to please Allah. It's time for me to go home," he croaked out.

"W-What do you mean Baba?" Hajar asked tearfully.

Baba let out a weak chuckle.

"It means that it is time that I go back to Allah," he gave small smile.

There was many sobbing going around the room. That's when I noticed Zakir's family was here as well. I looked back at Baba. He was starting to tear up. I now understood why Amu was crying. She doesn't want him to leave, but she has to accept it. Baba must have talked to her before us.

"Please don't leave," whispered Hajar.

"We all have to leave this dunya (world) one day," he said.

"I love you Baba," Amir said tearfully.

"I love each and every one of you," he said as he grabbed Amu's chin so she would look at him.

"Never forget that. Allah is always there for you in your time of need," he said kissing Amu's cheek.

"I love you, Baba. I won't ever forget you. You mean the world to me," I said.

"Hajar, I know things are tough for you right now and In Shaa Allah (if God wills it) things will get better. Never forget that Allah is always with you. Amir, take care of your mother, sisters, and wife. Raise your child as a proper Muslim. Zaynub, I want you to marry a righteous man like Zakir. I wanted you to marry Zakir, but I won't force you. And Safia, please don't grieve over my death too long. Carry on with your life and remember Allah. Can you all promise me that?" he asked with crystal eyes.

"I promise," we all said.

With that said, he leaned back onto the bed, and flashed a small smile before closing his eyes. He mumbled a duaa. After a few minutes of his slow breathing and our quiet sobs, he stopped breathing. His heart stopped, and this time I knew he wasn't coming back. A doctor ran up to Baba and checked his pulse. He looked back at us with a sad expression planted on his face.

Hajar, Amir, Noorah, Amu, and I burst into tears. Amu was taking it worse. Oh Allah please grant Baba Jannah (paradise).

* * * *

It had been two week since Baba's death. One week of tears. One week of depression. We promised Baba that we wouldn't grieve his death for too long. Amu has been in a serious depression this whole week. Noorah has been trying to get her out of it.

I sighed. I was currently in my room trying to understand this hard equation. Why is math so confusing?! I have been at this for three hours and I still don't get it. Ugh! All that's on my mind is Baba. I decided to take a break. It was currently 11 pm.

I put on my hijab and walked downstairs to the kitchen. I needed a snack. I wanted a Fiber One bar. Yum! As I reached for it I heard a deep voice.

"What are you doing up so late?" he yawned.

I jumped and then turned around to see Zakir. My jaw almost dropped at the sight of him. He looked so hot! His brown hair was messed up in a cute way. He shaved, but kept a tiny amount of hair under his chin, wearing a sweatshirt that clung to his muscles. He looked great.

"Uh... I... uh... " I stumbled.

"What's wrong princess? Cat got your tongue," he smirked.

"You little jerk face. You are so rude. I honestly have no idea why females drool over you. You are not the prince charming every girl dreams about. You're like an evil king," I huffed.

"Oh really? Sorry to break it to you, princess, but I do believe you were just drooling over my hot body," he said, gesturing to himself.

Curse his confidence. I rolled my eyes at that. He chuckled. Then he had a serious look on his face.

"I'm sorry about your dad," he said.

"It's okay. He's with Allah now. Where he belongs," I said shakily.

"Hey, if you need anyone to talk to just come to me. I'll always be here for you," he smiled.

"I know you are. Hey, Zakir do you care about me?" I asked.

I remember at the hospital he was begging and crying for me to wake up. He said he needed me. Is that true?

He hesitated before answering.

"I care about you so much, Zaynub. Because of you I changed into a better Muslim. You inspired me to be a better person. When we were kids you always were looking out for me. How could I not care about you?" he softly said as he steps toward me until our faces were only inches apart.

"We shouldn't be doing this, Zakir. It's wrong. We can't be that close," I breathed out.

"Do you care about me?" he asked quietly as he cornered me against the counter. His voice got deeper, his breathing heavy.

"Of course I do. You are a close friend. Now move away from me. This is temptation. Don't give in to shaytan's (satan) whispers. Move away," I whispered.

My heart was drumming against my chest. He was making me feel tingles all over my body. My body started aching from the electric shocks. His breath fanning over my face. I wanted him to hold me, to touch me, to kiss me. I wanted him to whisper sweet nothings into my ear. I felt my knees wobble but held myself against the counter. He was so close to me, yet so far.

"I need you," he whispered into my ear.

His deep voice gave me chills. The good type of chills. His voice was low and deep, bringing new types of desires to bury themselves into my heart. His breathing hard as if he was trying to control himself. I stood frozen, trying to organize my thoughts.

"Zakir, snap out of it!" I whisper shouted.

He finally did and moved back. I felt cold after he moved away.

"I'm so sorry. Something came over me," he apologized.

"It's fine," I said.

Was all that he just said true? I couldn't help but ask.

"Did you really mean it when you said you needed me?" I asked curious to know.

"Yes. I meant every word," he said slowly.

Then he turned around and left. Now I had even more questions running around in my brain. Stupid Zakir. Why are men so complicated? I grabbed my Fiber One bar and headed back upstairs. What a week.