In Her Eyes

So I took a jump, diving into the river that I loved so much. The sky is dark, and I could barely see anything underwater. Only small lights of the stars and the lamps on the bridge. This is it then. This is how my story's going to end. A drowning girl no, another suicide story. I can imagine the headline news. The body of a female found dead drowned in the river, the cause of death is suicide. No name, no ID, no phone, nameless body. Am I crying? I feel like I did. But I can't see if it's true or not, everything is wet. It's painful, I let myself go under. Down, down till I can't see anything. Am I dead yet? Just as my heart whispered, my vision blackened. Well, maybe it's time. I feel my lungs constricted. I started to struggle. I need to breathe but I don't want to move up. I can feel the water filling up my lungs. It's hurt, I want to scream. But I only feel my last breath leave my lungs once I opened my mouth. And it's all dark. Bandung, 10.00 AM A loud gasp could be heard from a girl in her room. She woke up and looks around. She's wondering where she is. From the looks of it, she musts in hospital. White room, stupid bed, and breathing tools. Ah, she survived. Well, that sucks. She pressed the button beside her hand. Not long after a nurse comes in. “You are awake? How are you, do you feel pain? Any difficulty breathing?” The nurse fussed over her, checking her pulse and her eyes. The girl only shook her head and whispered water. Calmly the nurse helped her drink a few sips of water. “Doctor Hans will come in end check you later, do you remember your name?” The girl looked around and finally settles on the windows. She opened her mouth for a moment but nothing come out. She took a deep breath and stutters a few words. “Can…. Can I see a psychiatrist?” “Of course, we will make you see one. Do you feel alright?” The nurse smiled kindly, she spoke calmly and her eyes are not judging. She did a great job of being a nurse. She must be the one who assisted to take care of the girl, she understands what the girl has been through. If only the girl could tell her the girl's name that would be great. Unfortunately, the girl used up all her energy and simply ignored the nurse, or she probably won't feel safe enough. Well, better bring the psychiatrist out then. After checking the room for one more time, the nurse leaves her alone. The girl kind of hungry but too ashamed to ask for anything. So she is enduring hunger, she doesn't feel like eating anything anyway. She wants to ask the nurse many things, how did she end up here? Who saved her? How long she's been here? And where is this hospital? But she got no power to speak anymore. To wake up again simply makes her exhausted. The only question that keeps bothering her is why she could survive and how did she not die. The bridge was quite high and the water was super cold, she jumped at night so no one could see her body in the water. Just how in the world? Thinking over and over without someone to answer is tiring, the doctor is not yet coming to her room. Hmm, can she try to escape? Probably not, she snorted in disgrace. Looking around the room there was nothing she could use to escape. Not even sharp thing to cut the bands around her hand and knees. She is treated as a dangerous person and even a danger to herself. Well, they sure are right. If nothing holding her now, she might jump from the windows or rooftop. Now that she's awake, she needs to think about answers. What to say when they ask her something, it's not that she doesn't want to say something. She just feels muddle-headed and still trying to calm her thoughts. Maybe it's a shock or just simply too much stress, she does not want to think about anything.