MY DOUBLE LIFE

THE RULES

7:18 p.m, Nandi stood in front of her bedroom mirror barely recognising herself. The woman looking back at her was not the accountant who had spent the afternoon correcting the figures and feigning ignorance about Daniel watching her.She was not the woman who wore glasses, tucked her blouse into a pencil skirt, and spoke measured words during meetings.That woman was somewhere between the elevator in the office and her bedroom tonight.Tonight, Nandi wore a fitted black dress that stopped just above her knees, the braids she wore over her shoulders framed a face that seemed to soften without the glasses and her next move was the lipstick.Red.Deep.Unapologetic. Nandi studied her reflection, tilting her head and smiling. So much better.She reached for the small black mask lying on the dresser it's just enough to disguise part of her face.She slipped it on and Now nobody could have her.That's where it was meant to be. Her phone buzzed.

UNKNOWN: Still coming tonight?

Nandi smiled.She hadn't saved his number, she rarely did.That was golden rule number one.No Attachments.She picked up her phone.

NANDI: I'll be there.Three dots appeared almost immediately.

UNKNOWN: Can't wait. It read

She locked the screen."Don't."The word spilled from her lips.She wasn't exactly sure where she was talking to him or herself.She grabbed her handbag and left.The lounge was already busy when Amara arrived, music pulsed throughout the room, low lights, expensive perfume, laughter, people pretending they hadn't come there specifically for what everyone was looking for . Nandi entered the lounge without hesitation if there's anything she had learnt over the past three years was that confidence was a language.Men understood it, women caught it, insecure people were intimidated by it and she liked all three reactions.A waiter offered her a drink, she accepted then scanned the room.Her date was seated near the bar, Thabo, thirty-something, good looking, nice smile and he's a Financial consultant, Divorced and No children.She remembered because she had asked, she always asked questions and not because she was interested in them but knowing them made it easier to know the point of exit.Thabo stood when he saw her."Wow."Nandi smiled."Good wow I hope ?"

"A very good wow."

She sat opposite him.

"I'll accept that."He laughed.

"You look completely different from your pictures."

"Pictures can be misleading and So can people," Nandi's smile faltered for half a second before she brought the glass to her lips."To misleading people."Thabo laughed again."That's a strange toast.""You'll get used to me."He looked at her over the rim of his glass."I think I might like that." Nandi looked away.She had heard that sentence before, different man yes .Different night and settings and yet the same words.They were always the same it all always started with curiosity then attraction then questions then expectations then disappointment.The pattern was almost comforting.Because it could be controlled and she's been through all this before. Two hours later, Nandi was laughing like actually laughing.Thabo was telling her an embarrassing story about a client who tried to expense a luxury holiday as a business trip."You're lying.""I'm serious.""No accountant would approve that."Exactly. That's why I need you."She smiled."You couldn't afford me.""Who says I'm trying to?"Their eyes met.The moment stretched, Thabo leaned closer, Nandi remained rooted where she was.She could feel the heat of his breath, sheknew what was coming next, the anticipation, the chase, the moment where one glanced at her like she was the only woman in the room.She liked that moment.It made her feel powerful.Needed.Wanted.But never loved.Love was where things could go bad.Thabo reached for her hand.Nandi allowed him.For tonight.Only for tonight . Later, when the evening was over, Nandi stood outside under the streetlights.Thabo looked at her."Can I see you again?"She adjusted her mask."Maybe.""You really like that word.""It's useful."He smiled."I'll take it as a yes."She didn't correct him.He kissed her cheek before walking away. Nandi watched him disappear into the night.For a moment, she stood completely still then exhaled.No butterflies, nilonging, no wondering when he would call.Perfect.She reached into her handbag for her phone.There were already two new messages.One from a man she met the previous weekend and another from someone she had matched with earlier that week.She stared at the screen, so many options, so little risk.Her thumb hovered over the first message then she smiled, this was safer and easier. I mean nobody could break your heart if you never gave them access to it.At 1:36 a.m., Nandi unlocked her apartment door, kicked off her heels.Silence greeted her.She walked into her bedroom and stared at her reflection in the mirror.Slowly, she removed the mask then the lipstick then her earrings.Piece by piece, the woman she had been disappeared until just Nandi was left.She studied her reflection with a certain amount of dismay.Without the makeup, she actually looked tired and older somehow even Lonelier.She sat on the edge of her bed and phone buzzed.

THABO: Had a great time tonight. Sleep well.Nandi stared at the message.Her fingers moved to reply .NANDI: You too.She put the phone down.No heart, no kiss, no invitation.Nothing that could be misinterpreted.She climbed into bed and pulled the blanket over her.The room was dark.Yet sleep refused to come.Because in the quiet, a memory had found her.A man's voice.A promise, Three years.Three years of thinking someone had loved her.And then It all meant nothing.Nandi closed her eyes."No more."She said it quietly."No more men."Her phone buzzed again, She ignored it.Five minutes later, she couldn't resist so she reached for it.

UNKNOWN: You're trouble, aren't you?Nandi stared at the message.A slow smile appeared to her lips, she typed:AMARA: You have no idea.

And for the first time that night, she felt something.Not love, or even desire but somehting darker.The thrill of being completely unknown.She turned off the phone because tomorrow was Saturday and Saturdays belonged to the other Nandi.