MY DOUBLE LIFE

THE GHOST

Nandi gazed at the screen.Zola, Three years, shehad deleted his number, photographs and messages, the emails heck she had even deleted the restaurant where they had celebrated their third anniversary from her favorite places.And yet somehow, one name was enough to bring everything back.Her thumb hovered over the notification.She didn't open it.She couldn't at least not yet.She placed the phone on the kitchen counter and walked away.Two steps.She stopped.Turned around.Picked it up.Still it was there. Zola : Can we talk?

Nandi laughed, it wasn't a happy laugh.It was the kind of laugh that escaped when something hurt too much to cry over.

"Talk?"She stared at the message.Three years ago, she would have done anything to hear those words.Now they made her angry, she typed a response,Don't contact me again.She stared at it and deleted it then typed another.What do you want?Deleted that too.Finally, she switched off her phone.Problem solved.Except it wasn't.Because Zola had already entered the room without being there.He was in the memories, in the silence, in the ache underneath her ribs.She poured herself a glass of water and her hands were shaking.That annoyed her more than anything.She had spent three years becoming someone who didn't shake.Someone who didn't cry over men, who didn't wait for apologies, who didn't need closure.And yet here she was.Shaken by a text. Three years earlier..."You're everything to me."Zola had said it while they were lying together on the couch. Nandi remembered the exact moment, she had been wearing his shirt with her feet tucked beneath his legs and he had kissed the top of her head.Three years.She had believed him.God, she had believed him.

"Promise me something," she had whispered

"What?"

"Don't ever make me regret loving you."

He had laughed softly.

"Never."

His arms tightened around her."I'd never hurt you."

The memory changed as warmth disappeared and that couch became a bedroom and soon the bedroom became a hotel and the hotel became the place where everything ended.She remembered the phone, the message, thee name of another woman, then another, then another.She remembered confronting him, his silence, his excuses, his tears and finally the last straw , those words."It didn't mean anything."Nandi opened her eyes.She was back in her apartment, alone with a glass was still in her hand.She put it down."No."She shook her head."Not tonight."She refused to give him another night.Her phone switched back on and beeped, another message.

Zola: I know I don't deserve a response.Nandi stared at it, then another appeared.

Zola: But there are things you don't know.

Her heart gave one painful beat.Things she didn't know?After three years?She almost laughed again.There was always something people wanted you to know after they had already destroyed you.An explanation.A reason.A justification.She didn't want any of them.She blocked the number.For several seconds, she simply stood there.Then she exhaled.It was done.Again.

Monday morning arrived too quickly. Nandi sat at her desk wearing her glasses, her hair neatly styled, and a cream blouse that made her look every bit like the woman everyone knew.Professional, Calm, Untouchable.Lerato placed a coffee beside her.

"You look like you didn't sleep."

"I slept." but she knows not so well

"That's not what I asked."Nandi smiled.

"Good morning to you too."Lerato sat opposite her.

"You disappeared on Saturday."

"I went out."

"Again?"Nandi raised an eyebrow.

"What exactly do you think I do on weekends?"

"Honestly?"

"Don't answer that."Lerato laughed.For a few minutes, things felt normal.Then Nandi's phone vibrated.She glanced down.Unknown number.Her stomach dropped.She didn't open it.She already knew.Lerato noticed her expression.

"What happened?"

"Nothing."

"Nandi."

"Seriously. Nothing."

She turned the phone face down.But something inside her had changed. Zola wasn't supposed to exist anymore.He belonged to the past.And yet somehow, in less than forty-eight hours, he had managed to make her question everything she had spent three years believing.Not because she wanted him back.She was certain of that.But because part of her hated the fact that he still had the ability to hurt her.That evening, Nandi didn't go out.She sat on her balcony with a glass of wine and watched the city lights.Her phone remained inside.She didn't trust herself to look at it.She thought about the woman she'd become.The dates.The strangers.The late nights.The masks.The rules.Everyone assumed she was confident.Maybe she was.But confidence wasn't the same as healing.She had confused the two for a long time.A stranger could desire her.That was easy.A stranger could make her feel beautiful.That was easy too.But letting someone know her?That was different and that required trust.And trust required vulnerability but vulnerability was the one thing Amara refused to give anyone.She closed her eyes.Then the question came.The one she had avoided for three years.What if Zola was telling the truth?Her eyes opened immediately."No."She said it aloud."No."She wouldn't do this.She wouldn't let him drag her backward.She picked up her phone.Opened the blocked messages.There was one final message waiting. Zola: I'm not asking you to forgive me. I'm asking you to hear me once. After that, I'll disappear forever.

Nandi read it twice.Then a third time.Her thumb hovered over the screen.She could block him again.She could delete everything and could continue living exactly as she had been.Safe.Untouchable.Alone.Or she could hear what he had to say.Not because she wanted him.Not because she missed him.But because after three years, she deserved to know whether the story she'd been carrying was the whole truth.Nandi stared into the darkness.Then she typed four words.

One conversation.

That's it.She pressed send.Immediately, the message showed as delivered.Her heart began beating faster.For the first time in three years, Nandi had opened a door she had spent years keeping locked.She just didn't know what was waiting on the other side.