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Hard to trust Hard to love

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dark
kidnap
family
fated
sweet
heavy
lighthearted
small town
coming of age
weak to strong
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Blurb

Robyn is the Alphas, Daughter at 18. She has a lot to prove, her past has knocked her down, and she has always gotten right back up, Robyns past has made her not trust the world she has built up her walls; will Robyn let her mate in, he has to gain her trust and with her sassy mouth and pure stubbornness, and a fight in her that will bring those who try to hurt her to there knees, she has a lot of battles ahead of her, and undiscovered ability’s to unlock,

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The Nightmares
*Nightmare* I don't want to go, please don’t take me, seven years old, I shouted as being thrown into a van. Shut up, you piece of scum, the big man said. I curled up into a ball as he punched me hard and kept punching until I went quiet. I just lay there sobbing. I want my daddy. I’m scared. All I can hear is the bad guys talking. They say they won’t give me back. I’m precious or something like that. All I know is I need to run away or leave a clue so daddy and uncle Gary can find me. I sit up and peek out the window. The evil men are gone, so I pull a pen out of my pocket and my little notebook and write a letter to my daddy. I can’t write well, but daddy will know what I mean. DADDY 2 big men have got me help. I put my pen back into my pocket. At the same time, I look at the book. It is my favourite, but I know I need to throw it for daddy to find. I try to open the windows, but they won’t open, so I kick and scream and yell for help. The door opens, and the big man grabs me and drags me to the door so that he can smack me hard. I know it will hurt bad, but I need to alert my daddy. I scream again and cry. I drop my book on the ground. The big man gets in the back to hold my mouth shut and shuts the door, and tells the other mean man to drive. I try to fight the big man, but he hits me again, and my world goes black. When I wake up, I’ve locked in a room. My aunt comes in and looks at me like I am scum; what will I do with you, brat? She smacks me hard. I cry. I hope daddy gets me soon. I’m cold and scared. I have been a good girl. Why is she so mean to me? I shift into my grey wolf and try to find a way out, but there is no way I whimper and cry and fall asleep. When I wake up, I’m back at home. My daddy saved me, but now I can’t live with him *End nightmare* I wake up covered in sweat and panting hard. I look around the room and breath a sigh of relief. It was just a nightmare. I flop back on my pillow and try to clear my head. I’m almost 18. I don’t know why my nightmares are coming back. Well, they are not nightmares. They happened. I lived them, but why now. I get up and check on my pup I stroke his chubby cheek and smile My baby boy Eric he was born from r**e at 15 I had him at 16 i know it shouldn’t have happend but only the goddess could tell you what her plan is for me I do worry that if I find my mate he will reject me because I’m damaged I’m not worthy to be a mate so I just focus on Eric he is my world I left the pack house to start my life yes I still live in the alphas territory because the Alpha is my father Brian from the Lunamoon pack he comes to visit me with my mother the group Luna but I can’t bring myself to go back to live with them because I know the box looks down on me I’m like the reject of the group no wolfs will look at me they just stare in disgust so I just keep to myself I have one friend Darren he has been with me through a lot he helped me heal after I was r***d and we dated for a bit but we never crossed that line he respected that I was still a minor and he was waiting for his mate one of the things I loved about him but he was also a considerable player he had bedded every other she wolf in the pack that made me feel bed because maybe he didn’t see me like that perhaps the wolf’s who r***d me where suitable that I was nothing and worthless I shake that thought and head to my tiny kitchen to grab water the sun is almost up so I just sit and watch the sunrise and send my preys up to the goddess I prey when I find a mate he will be kind and accepting after iv said my game I just look at the sky and let my thoughts drift and a single tear falls I wonder what iv done to be treated like this my parents said it was nothing I did but sometimes I think it was . And the memories haunt me not only in my dreams, but I’m scared to let people into my life. I don’t want to be seen. I walk with my head down because I don’t wish to judge others. I look at the time and curse I have to get ready for work and drop Eric off with my mum. I look in the mirror adjust my cap. We may be wolves. However, we still work with humans. It’s how we blend in, plus it helps me pass the time and earn money to raise eric. I set off to the packhouse; the guard's bow to me, and I nod. I don’t talk to them; I beeline for the doors, and as soon as I reach the steps, my mum races out and engulf me in the biggest hug. I hug her back and breathe in her scent. She pushes me back so she can look at me, and then she instantly scoops Eric out of his stroller and hugs him, and they have a chat. It’s one-sided. He is only a pup, but his eyes are focused on my mum, and his chubby little hands reach for my mum's face; its sight makes my heart so happy. So mum, where is dad? Oh, waiting for you at the truck, bub. You had better go, so I did just that. I kissed Mum and eric and ran to my dad at the truck he was waiting for me. I climbed in, and he asked if I was ready, and then we hit the road. Are you ok Bub my dad asks me as we prepare to exit the truck um yeah sure I reply plastering on a fake smile then the sound hits me this is real we are actually at the F1s in Melbourne Albert park to be exact the little girl in me jumps in excitement clapping her hands where the 17yo pulls on her cap adjust her pony tail and focus on the job at hand to unload these games from the truck to set them up and then I can just shut the world out and avoid conversation especially with the male species don’t get me wrong I’m attracted to males but my past tells me the they just take what they want no matter how much u scream Rob my dad says to me yeah I reply my head still down you sure your ok mmmhmmm I say undoing the belt to a Daytona 500 yeah let’s just get this done dad I don’t need a pep talk I’ll be ok you sure asked dad well no but I will be just make sure no randoms talk to me or piss me off and I’ll be ok Rob dad says that’s going to be hard when we are here to work and mingle I snort at him and chuckle look dad I’m here ok u got me here for the life of my I don’t know why when Byron or Talfryn could be the ones to help for the life of me why did you choose to drag me here not that I’m not greatful for this experience but I’m not ready for people or to be out my grey/blue eyes lock on to my dads sky blue eyes and he just shakes his head I prepare for a verbal lashing because right now he is my boss right now we are not father daughter and I just unloaded my s**t on him at work at a huge event for us where we can score more sites for games / pinballs we can get a decent pay day and I go lose my s**t at him I drop my head and say look dad I know why I’m here so let’s work can we talk later please I just want to get back to the hotel call mum and check in on Eric and my dad shocks the s**t out of me shakes his head and says nope rob this ends now you are here because you need this I don’t give a flying f**k about the money we can potentially get that s**t won’t make you happy but rob I’m proud of you for pushing your anxiety aside to be here to leave your little man and just step out of your bubble your 18 tomorrow you should be out experiencing life you have been focused on Eric you are a good mum but possum he is 2 soon and you haven’t been happy you live in fear that another boy will hurt you and break you so Robyn you are here to meet people to enjoy the atmosphere to be social and to forget the past he can’t hurt you here nothing that has happened to you can happen you are a beautiful girl you need to see that and get you back I’m worried Rob really worried what happened to my little Tom boy who wears dresses with runners and says f**k you all ? I sniffle and breathe in my dads smell that’s been my blanket since I was 7 since I was rescued from a locked room in a convent after being kidnapped by my mums sister and bang the wall broke I’m a puddle and he holds me closer rob it’s ok I’m here well f**k me my dad my hero then I get the courage to squeak out but I’m scared dad I don’t want to meet new people I don’t want to let people in he kisses my head and said well don’t let them In but talking won’t hurt u will it I chuckle well it might ya never know my dad just laughs and pushes me back so he can look in my eyes once he sees my eyes he nods and says well let’s get this s**t done eh I giggle and reply yep no worries boss and punch him in the arm he rubs it and reply’s I pity the guy that marries you rob he is going to have balls of steal to get in to your heart because right now you don’t even look at boys let alone let them in I snort while pushing the game to the tailgate well dad who says I’m getting married he belly laughs and says well you will be a cat lady I snort back and retort yeah nah f**k that s**t give me a malamute a beach some bourbon and I’ll be a happy girl I’ll just keep my yo-yo boys and play with them when I please he c***s his eyebrow and says rob you know those boys like you they are always over I reply yeah I know it’s not like I invite them but what am I going to do they entertain me he snorts and rebukes yeah you fed one of them dog food ffs and he still thinks he has a chance of you taking him up on the date he offered you i just snort at the memory yeah well he is a wanker and has no hope at all my dad just shakes his head and jumps out of the truck to work the tailgate to go down while I support the machine when it’s down I jump off the truck and get to my position to steer the machine my dad still giggles at the convo we just had but then looks instantly pissed at something behind me so I glance over my shoulder to see what he is looking at and low and behold I see a knob jocks with a race suit on approaching us I look at dad and roll my eyes he just shakes his head and mouths play nice to me like f**k dad I wasn’t gonna play but ok I’ll be nice so I plaster a fake smile on and wait for this d**k to come over sure enough he approached me in my head I say f**k but my mouth just says what can I do ya for champ he chuckles at me and says so is this the game guys in my head I’m like no s**t dip s**t but I say yep that’s us what gave us away he snorts and says Um yeah that was kinda stupid of me so I reply so what can I do u for he says oh yeah we weren’t expecting a girl so I’ll let the guys know to hold there Language I reply yeah don’t bother his eyes widen at my remark then I say well where do ya want them he says oh the vip tent is over here this is where the drivers and big wigs will be after the race each day I say ok cool so do you race he says yeah for Holden my eyes widen oh supercar driver then so what team he just shrugs and reply’s Peter Jackson oh I haven’t seen you race I follow he says yeah I have been in for 2 years my name is Craig I shake his hand nice to meet ya Craig my name is Robyn I’ll be on site for the duration of this event I hope you don’t mind working with a girl Craig laughs and says well it’s new for us to have a girl running the site but I’ll tell the boys not to give you a hard time I giggle and say nah they will be right I’m not a normal girl I’m here to do a job and to mingle with you all and maybe get another contract or 2 who knows Craig laughs and says well iv never met a girl who can hold her own but it seems to me you will do just fine but are you not a bit young to be handling all this your self we got told we would be dealing with a Robbo ? I lose it. I bend over, laughing, and Craig looks at me like iv lost my marbles. He doesn’t see what I find so funny, so he gets slightly irritated and says, what’s so funny? As I try to pull myself together from my fit of laughter, I say f**k me, that’s the funniest thing iv heard all day. Craig c***s his head and calls his boss over to me, peter, we have a live one here. Peter looks over at me and then back to Craig and says, what’s the problem? Craig throws his hands up and says I asked her where Robbo was, and she bends over, laughing as iv ask her if unicorns are real. I snort at Craig and say, well, are they? He knows my question is loaded because I just played him big time peter, which iv met, walks up to us and holds out his hand and says, hey Robbo, nice seeing you again. I see you are up To your old tricks I shake peters hand and reply you know me Pete all work and no play is just dull I say all work and more play works better for me Pete pulls me into a hug and says so should we let Craig in on our secret I say sure Pete laughs so Craig this is our pinball manager Robbo but most call her Robyn Craig has his jaw fixed open and looks like a goober sucking in air trying to figure out what or who the f**k let a little girl run this show I push Craig’s jaw closed pat him on the head and say sorry for that yes I’m Robbo I’m sure you have my details on your clip board where do you want the machines so we can get it set up and be out of your way Craig smiles are me I’m not sure he fully believes me and says so uh just in here he points to the area of the tent he wants us to set up i sign the forms required and spin to leave that’s when he stops me her grabs my arm that I yank out of his grip and give him a stare that says f**k off don’t touch leave me be he instantly steps back and says uh do You need help but is looking at me like I’m a spooked horse trying to calm me; before I head back to the truck, I say, Nah, we have got this. I’ll be back in a sec. I hurry out of the tent, trying to shake the fear of anyone touching me out of my head, readjust my cap, chuck my sunnies on, and lead to my dad and the truck dad has already unloaded it all bar a few big games that are a two-person job dad looks at me and says so where do we put them I said in the tent to the right on the wall it’s an ample enough space maybe you should call rod and see if we can grab another two pairs of Daytona’s? Dad says f**k really you think they will fit my reply is definitely he says well let’s get these in and linked in and I get busy bolting them up and connecting the rounds to each other while dad makes the call as I stand and dust myself off I bump into a solid mass uh sorry I try to scoot around the group to get back to the truck to get the other games and a drink but the pack doesn’t move so I look up and snarl it would be wise if you get the f**k out of my way I have work to do as soon as the words are out I instantly regret them because in front of me is Craig who is looking all kinds of shocked and somewhat pissed and I detected amused so your a firy little thing arnt you and with that I say what the f**k do you want and I blow out a frustrating sigh and say look Craig I may be a girl and I may be on the small side at 5ft6 compared to his 6ft giant something but I won’t be intimidated by you what is it that you want his face relaxed and says to apologise for touching you I’m sorry I only wanted to welcome you to the crew and I’m sure you will secure the contracts for other events if you keep working like this you have been going non stop for 4 hours do you ever take a break to eat ? I snort and say nah that just eats up time that could be used to work so I can get out of here sooner I gesture to the tent that is full of games now all set up only the last set of Daytona twins to go that my dad has gone to pick up I curse when it dawns on me that the truck isn’t here and I’m alone and to make it worse my water is in the car and I’m dry I need a drink craig looks at me as he watches my face change at the realisation hits me I’m alone and I’m thirsty and slightly pissed because I was that far into work I hadn’t heard my dad leave I shake my head and reach for my wallet in my cargo pants thank f**k I have money I’ll buy a drink and maybe some food since my belly chimes in with a loud growl that made Craig laugh so what are you going to do until the truck comes back I say uh go get a drink and maybe food then clean up the games and make them look nice he laughs and says yeah you transport manager said you would come up for air at some point and said I should give you this I sigh in relief because my transport manager aka Dad left me food while he headed to the other side of Melbourne to get our last games I reach to grab the bag from Craig and say thanks my Da uh manager knows me to well Craig c***s his head and stares me down and asks your who I blow out a frustratied sigh and say my Dad you happy now he laughs and says the boys had a bet as to the relationship I picked dad they said uncle so what’s the story I shrug and say not much to say I wanted to fix games and move them it’s what I like and it just so happens my dad does it to it doesn’t impact my work or where I am in the business I worked hard to get to this position yes I could just sit back and just show up for the night events but this I gesture to the games is me I like it graig looks at me and says how old are you I snort and say why do you ask he says well you look like you are just on 15 years old I groan and say nah I’m 17 he has a look of shock and blows out air and shakes his head i c**k my head and say what is that look for he says well for your age you should be proud I snort and say thanks I walk out of the tent and sit on the hill behind the tent Craig follows me and sits next to me I move slightly away because I don’t do close at all I open up the bag of goodies my dad left for me and like a little girl on Christmas a smile hits me my dad went and brought me a roast beef roll with gravy and got me a French vanilla slice with my water Craig giggles at me with a mouth full of food I look at him and say what he says just you iv never seen such excitement over a roll I correct him and say roast beef and shrug and take another bite and take in the atmosphere even tho it’s just setting up and testing I take it all in I look out to the track and just say wow. Craig looks at me and I say this is the life and gesture to the simplicity of it all Craig says yeah it’s something so where are you from i look at him and say Traralgon he looks at me and says oh a country girl I shrug and say yeah something like that he then asks me so do you have a boyfriend I laugh and say nope like it’s resolute like I don’t ever want one he looks at me and goes to ask another question just as my phone rings it’s my mum I look at him and hold up my finger to shhh him while I answer hey mum I say in a happy tone he rob just letting you know iv fed eric and he is having a nap he had nala up on the bunk again I giggle and reply that sounds about right has he been a good boy for you has he been practicing his words like I showed you mum laughs and says yes yes and yes oh and Darren is here did you want to talk to him I instantly put my guards up and say he isn’t in the house is he mum says no love he is on the porch I can take the phone to him nah it’s good just send him on his way mum says ok oh and I let it slip where you are I said mummm why I don’t need it yes part of me loves him but after what Jason did I don’t want the drama of any of them mum says well gotta run I’ll send him on his way bye byyeee mum love u give eric a squish’s hug for me and I hang up stare at my phone and shake my head I forgot Craig was here Craig clears his throat so that was your mum huh ? I say yeah she is Um baby sitting for me and I drop my head trying to hold back the tears don’t cry rob not here keep ya s**t together Craig looks at me and says come again I say she is baby sitting for me you know how that works Craig shakes his head and says uh you have a kid I say yeah you can run now tell ya boss that a little slut is running the s**t show and drop my head back to the food in my lap I pick at it waiting for him to leave it usually happens when guys who want more from me find out hence why I don’t try I just say it how it is and they go but Craig just stares at me and I look at him and say well off ya trot he laughs and just stares at me and says wow I wouldn’t have pegged it I say what am I supposed to wear a sign to say hi I’m 17 and have a kid who is almost 2 but hey I’m f*****g peachy oh and yeah it’s my 18th birthday tomorrow and I’ll be spending it with a bunch of arse wipes who will look at me and judge me for being a mum I laugh and chuck my food in the bag and go to get up but Craig stops me the look he gives me isn’t one of disgust but one of pitty I lock eyes with him and say save it I don’t need pitty I have work to do graig let’s me go and says wait I don’t pitty you I don’t know you yet something tells me you need a friend I laugh and say that’s what they all say he holds up his hands and says I don’t want that whoh I have a girlfriend that calms me a little I look at him then drop my head and say we are not even friends your here to be my shadow I know this because someone always shadows me I know my dad put u in this position so don’t feel like u have to talk to me ok just let me work Craig sighs and says look i don’t know who hurt you but I do want to be your friend it’s going to be a long weekend and you can’t keep going on alone your dad spoke to me and told me everything my eyes shoot up to his and I feel betrayed by my own father and gasp everything Craig nods yeah and to be honest what your dad told me broke me in Two he is worried about you to work a lot and then hide in the house with your little boy. I snort and say, yeah, sounds right, but why would you care? Honestly, it’s nothing; I will be ok. Craig stops me and says, you are far from it. I say, how scared you were when I touched your arm? What the hell happened to you?.

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