EIRIAN FROST

A second chance

I didn't have a good childhood.

I don't remember much from my childhood, but it wasn't the best. My family wasn't poor nor rich, your average middle-class family. A lot of that came with eyes full of pity from friends and relatives, my parents and younger siblings look of worry.

We didn't have much, but it was enough to get us through the day. My dad was a maintenance engineer, while my mother had just graduated high school. Our small store made it easier in our lives.

I'm the eldest sibling of the family, Eirian Frost. My mother told me it meant silver.

It is chaotic, messy, and joyous to have the pair of siblings I have. Especially if they are twins. The self-claimed eldest by fifty-six seconds, Yara Frost, and the youngest Haya Frost. I was just five years older than them.

When I was in second grade, an unwelcomed and unexpected incident came knocking on our door. The small store that got us closed down, and my mother got enormous debt. Too ashamed, she hid inside the house and never went out.

The young me didn't understand anything back then.

To get through our everyday life from then, we had to depend on everything. I sold homemade pantries and flowers from our small garden, while my father immersed himself in planting fruit trees, veggies, and other things in our small warehouse.

At that period, the situation was bad for us. We had to ask for electricity and current since we couldn't afford it. But at least, we had water.

About three years later, we managed to get back on our feet, but it cost us a lot. My father, who had been immersed in work, made his health deteriorate and passed away. My mother got it hard, had to manage three children all on her own, and take care of the warehouse.

Sometimes, I come to the thought of it's my fault that it happened. Originally, my mother couldn't have children, which took a heavy toll on her. But she got us three, she once told us we were a gift to her from God.

Ever since I was a newborn, I didn't have the best health. But I could live normally, as long as I didn't overwork or do anything that took a toll on me, physically and mentally. Because of that, I sometimes ended up in the hospital, and the fees... the guilt sometimes consumes me.

My father played a very big role in my life. Every lesson I got from him when I was young became a way for me in life. He was a very strict man and taught me great things for later in life.

I don't regret the way I lived my life. If anything, it would be taking care of my siblings and parents. I have worked all of my life to pay them back, but it would be nice if some things could be changed.

As I close my eyes waiting for death, I find myself in a dark space. It had no beginning and no end.

I don't know if it was the desperateness of my consciousness, but my father was standing in front of me. I didn't expect to meet him at all. Sometimes I just thought of death like an eternal slumber, which was why a little smile decorated my lips before this.

I just hoped to fall asleep.

Even though it was very dark, I could still see him.

"What's wrong, Ely"

Even though my dad was strict and somehow cold, he was warm and soft towards his family. The gentleness and warmth in his voice when he called me by my nickname, made me break into tears. I just stood in the same spot and let my tears roll down my face.

He pressed his forehead to mine and made me look into his eyes.

"I'm sorry! I couldn't take care of them as you asked me to"

"Then..." He continued to press our forehead together. Looking into his eyes, only love and gentleness was there as he looked at me.

"Someone who has done a mistake or sinned deserves a second chance. A chance to correct themselves. Don't you think so?"

Staring deeply into his eyes, it felt like drowning in my own.

"You also deserve a second chance. Make good use of it, this time. Do it like you always do. Strengthen your body so your mind will be stronger. Broaden your mind so your perception is wider. Do what you want to do, take care of your loved ones and enjoy your life to the fullest."

"But Dad..." but before I could finish, a bright light forced my eyes closed.

"Take care, Ely" was the last thing I heard from him.